


The Soundtrack of My Imagination

by Numtwelve



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Growing to understand each other, Lack of Communication, Love Language, Love Story, Miscommunication, More characters to come, Strong Female Characters, angst with happy ending, learning, more tags to come, popular music
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:35:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 57,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Numtwelve/pseuds/Numtwelve
Summary: Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. There doesn't have to be outside forces that cause damage to a relationship; sometimes we do that ourselves. Bella has just found joy, only to have her imagination run wild, attempting to ruin the happily ever after she's wanted for 5 years.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 2





	1. A Drop in the Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaannnddd I’m back! Thanks to those of you finding my story from the FB groups “It All Started With Twilight” and “Cheatward’s Spot!” Welcome, and thanks for checking out my story! If you aren’t a member of either group, please join! I will be posting teasers each week prior to my Sunday updates of this chapter going forward. 
> 
> First and most important for this story: each chapter will be the title of a song, and will set the tone for the chapter. I will introduce the song and artist in the author’s notes for every chapter, but the title will give some of it away. The teaser mentioned above will include the song :) 
> 
> Second: I will update once a week at a very minimum. There may be weeks where my excitement gets away from me and I post early, but most of the time you will have an update on Sunday mornings. Teasers will be posted by Thursday each week on the FB groups. 
> 
> This is a story that I’ve been mulling around since the last AU-human ones I wrote last year. You may see a couple of similar-ish things, but this is not the same story. Bella and Edward are not married, and this is not a cheating fic this time. It’s also not fluff, in fact there will way more angst in general in this one. But I hope you give it a shot and stick with me. I will ALWAYS want a HEA for these two, and we will get there eventually no matter what.
> 
> Chapter one’s song is A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope. There are a few lines in this chapter that may make you think of this song, and it’s important to listen to that song (and all of them, in future chapters) after reading. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1 – A Drop in the Ocean 

  


Bella 

  


I glanced over at Edward, trying not to stare. I had never seen him buzzed or drunk before, and I was enjoying it immensely. His cheeks were slightly pink, his eyes sort of glassy, and a smirk played on his face. 

“Why have we never done this before?” he asked, taking another sip of his beer. 

“Uh, probably because we live in different cities?” I hid my smile behind my own beer. 

He laughed, throwing his head back a little. “Yeah. We should travel together more often. This fall there’s a conference in San Francisco. Wanna go?” 

“Hell yeah I do. I love that city.” I took another sip, noticing that his eyes were on my lips. I wonder if he was thinking the same thing I was? The drunker I got, the more I wanted him. Whether Edward was my boss or not didn’t matter. 

The man sitting next to me was the pinnacle of self-control. He never lost his cool, never faltered, seemed to always know what to say and how to say it every damn day. I had been very impressed with him when I first got transferred to his department, but the second I saw him in person when I traveled to his office? Holy shit. The man was also a fucking Adonis. He was dressed in a suit, but you could see the muscles under the clothes. I almost drooled staring at him. 

That was almost five years ago now. Edward and I had formed not only a great working relationship, but a friendship. The more we talked, the more we realized how much we had in common. This trip to Florida was business related, but the drinks we were inhaling were definitely not. We hadn’t discussed work once since we left the office. Since we had both traveled to be here, we had decided to coordinate. We only had one car that we shared, and were staying at the same hotel. We had gotten in earlier in the day, and had gone straight to the office. Now we were just blowing off steam before checking into the hotel. 

“I suppose we should get back to the hotel and check in, right? Before they give our rooms away?” 

I smirked at him. “We are approved for a late check-in, boss. I think we are ok.” 

Edward checked his watch. “It’s almost 11.” 

Shocked, I looked at my cell. “Holy shit. I had no idea it was so late! Let’s go, boss, before they give our rooms away!” 

He chuckled, throwing some cash at the bartender. We stumbled out of the bar, still laughing and half shoving each other. We were being silly, and I think we both recognized it. I couldn’t stop looking at him. 

Thankfully, the hotel was right next to the bar, so we didn’t have to drive. There was no way that we had the ability to do that at the moment. We walked as best as we could over to the car to get our luggage, and then made our way into the hotel. We both checked in and once we had our room keys, we laughed our way up to our rooms. 

He got off on the same floor and I didn’t really think anything about it. But when I got to the fork in the hallway, and turned to bid him goodnight, I wasn’t expecting him to be standing so close. I almost hit his chest with my nose. 

“Damn, sorry. I didn’t know you were right there,” I said, looking up at him smirking. His face was serious, though, so for just a moment I was worried. “What’s wrong?” 

Edward shouldered his laptop bag, and brought his hand up to my face. I froze as he touched my cheek, and my heart started beating rapidly. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” He smiled slightly while he ran his thumbs over my cheekbone. 

I swallowed thickly. “I think you are drunk.” 

“I think you are, too.” 

We started at each other for a moment, my heart still thundering in my chest. Slowly, achingly slowly, Edward lowered his head and lightly brushed his lips against mine. Fuck me, it was like a fire was lit inside my body the second he kissed me. I dropped my purse, my backpack and let go of my suitcase and practically threw myself at him. To his credit, he didn’t even falter, just deepened the kiss as if he was expecting me to do that. When his tongue collided with mine, I moaned and wrapped my arms around his neck, tugging him even closer. Tongues and lips and teeth clashed together as we tried to get even closer. 

The ding from the elevator brought us back to reality. We separated, slightly out of breath and stared at each other for a moment. Someone got off the elevator and walked past, ignoring us. I turned and started walking toward my room, knowing that he was following me. Once I got to the door, I opened it with the key card and slipped in, holding the door open for him. 

In my alcohol fogged mind, I knew what we were doing was wrong. Edward was my boss and we were on a work trip – this was such a bad idea. But the alcohol was making me uninhibited; I wanted this with him more than I'd wanted anything. I wasn’t going to stop now just because it was wrong. I knew that I couldn’t focus on anything like that right now anyway. Tonight was about achieving something that I'd wanted for almost five years. 

Tacitly, we both set down our stuff and moved toward the other. There were no hesitations. Everything just started to move a little faster than it had outside, and before I knew it, he had my shirt off. His lips were warm and covered my mouth with an urgent need – one that I also felt. His hands slid up my back as he turned his head to deepen our kiss. Tongues were clashing again and I just sunk into the sensations surrounding me: his warm hands undoing my bra, his soft lips moving in sync with mine, the feel of his shirt sliding off of his body, my hands on his chest. 

Once my bra was undone, I moved my arms so he could pull the offending garment off of me, but I never separated my lips from his. His hands moved to the front to cover my breasts; the pads of his thumbs softly caressed my nipples bringing them to painful peaks. I moaned into his mouth as my hands found the button of his pants. I felt his hardness under my hands as I slipped his pants off. They fell to the floor in a heap, and he stepped out of them. His hands moved from my breasts to my skirt, undoing the zipper and it fell in a similar fashion to his pants. 

Slowly, he pushed me back into the bed behind me. Both of us were just in our underwear now, but our lips were connected so I couldn’t really see him. I never wanted to stop kissing him. Warmth was collecting in my stomach and spreading throughout my body, and I couldn’t focus on anything else other than how he was making me feel. 

As I laid back on the bed, he followed, settling himself on top of me. His body lined up perfectly with mine, his length rubbing exactly where I needed it to. Slowly and carefully, he focused his body on his knees, not stopping the assault on my mouth, and he reached down, lowering my underwear. I followed suit with his until we were both naked together. Finally, when I thought I wasn’t going to be able to breath, he wrenched his mouth away from mine and started kissing down my body. He licked and nipped at my neck, causing me to moan again. His hand started massaging one of my breasts as his mouth lowered on the other one. He licked it slowly before bringing the entire nipple into his mouth. Exploding in more sensation, I arched my back into him. 

But he didn’t stop there. His hand stayed on my breast while his mouth started descending even further. He kissed his way down my stomach, tongue circling my navel. I broke out into goosebumps, but groaned when I realized what he was doing. His hand left my breast and opened my legs even further, kissing down my hip bone and onto my thigh. Using the back of his hand, he grazed the other thigh with his knuckles, and by the time his tongue connected with me I was a panting mess. 

His fingers opened me up for him, and his tongue dove in, licking the entire length of my slit. As the tongue assault started on my clit, I groaned and pushed my hips into his face, silently begging for more. His tongue was relentless; he flattened it and licked several times before bringing the entire clit into his mouth and sucking hard. I arched again and felt myself getting closer and closer to release. As if he was encouraged by my response, he continued the frenzied movements on me and I rose higher and higher, just to explode in a loud moan. 

He licked me softly until I pushed him away slightly. Kissing my clit gently, he continued to kiss his way back to my mouth. I tasted myself on his tongue when it dove back into my mouth, and I felt him line himself up with me. I was still humming from the massive orgasm, and when he fully entered me, I felt like I was coming again already. 

“Oh god,” I whispered, arching my head back. His mouth focused on my neck, earlobe and shoulder, kissing and sucking the skin as he moved swiftly inside of me. 

Over and over again he pushed his way into me, and I felt like I was soaring. With every sensation inside of me, there were even more on the outside. His hand never stopped moving, running all along my body while his mouth continued to lick and suck on my neck and shoulders. Finally, he moved his lips back to my mouth and continued to kiss me while speeding up his movements inside of me. 

I didn’t think I would come again so soon, but my orgasm hit me like a freight train. I had to lean back from his mouth so I could breathe. I panted and moaned as I had the second massive orgasm of the night. My eyes were closed, and I regretted that as soon as I felt him harden inside me even more. I knew he was close as he continued to move, but I couldn’t open my eyes to watch him. I was overwhelmed by the feelings surrounding me. When I finally started to come down, he pulled out swiftly, coming all over my stomach and breasts. 

After everything we had done, he still hadn’t said one word to me since he asked me if I knew I was beautiful. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what. His forehead was leaning against my shoulder, and his breathing was ragged. My hands slid up his back as I hugged him closer to me. He shifted slightly so that his arms were under my arms and he hugged me back, pressing his lips lightly to my shoulder. 

We stayed like that for a few minutes, basking in the glow and the post-amazing sex feeling. I was almost worried about looking into his eyes, as I had successfully avoided it so far. But when he pulled back and looked at me, I realized that my fears had been stupid. Staring into his crisp blue eyes, watching the smile play on his face, I realized that this hadn’t been a mistake. No matter what happened next, I would always have this experience to remember back to. 

Leaning down, he kissed me slowly on the lips. There were no rushed or hurried movements; just soft and sweet kisses. All too soon, he leaned away from me and stood up. As he walked into the bathroom area, I was finally able to appreciate his naked form. Just as I had always thought, he was amazingly beautiful naked. He was as muscled as I thought, his skin dark from an obvious tan. His ass was hard and looked amazing; that made me want to bite it. 

He walked back toward me, holding out a towel to clean myself off. He shut off the light that I'd turned on when we came in, and settled down beside me on the bed. His head was on the pillow next to mine, but he was shoved up close to my body, his arm draped over my stomach. I turned so that my back was to him, and Edward hugged me close to him, his breathing starting to even out. 

As I started to slip into sleep myself, I realized that he still hadn’t said one word to me. 

I woke up slowly, trying to figure out where I was and what was pounding into my head. The room was still dark, but I heard what sounded like a shower on nearby. My head was foggy as I sat up and looked around. I saw a mess of clothes leading from the door to the bed, which was a tossed-up mess around me. Looking down I realized I was naked, and there was definitely someone in my shower. For a few moments until the shower shut off, I struggled to remember what had happened the night before. 

The alarm clock said it was 5am, and I desperately wanted to go back to sleep. The pounding in my head wasn’t going to make it any easier, that was for sure, but I couldn’t will sleep to come back to me. The night before started to play back in my mind, and I felt the blush creep up my face. 

Holy. Shit. I had slept with my boss! And right now, as I was dealing with a major hangover, he was in my shower! I hid my eyes in my hands, leaning against the headboard of the bed. I felt his hands slide up my arms, and his weight settle on the bed in front of me. Edward didn’t say anything at all, but he moved my hands away from my face, and brought me closer to him, encasing me in his arms. He was only wearing a towel, and his chest was slightly damp from the shower, but I let him bring me in. Without really understanding why it helped, I basked in the comfort that his body was bringing me. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Edward said into my hair, kissing my head. 

“How is it going to be okay? What the hell were we thinking?” I asked him, my voice muffled. My head was sandwiched into the side of his neck, and I didn’t want to move away from him. But he shifted back so he could look at me, smiling slightly. 

“We’ll figure it out. I think we both know what we were thinking.” His smirk got a little wider, and I smiled back slightly. 

“Five years of sexual tension?” I offered, causing him to laugh. 

“Combine that with too much alcohol and you have yourself a cause.” His smile dropped slightly as he brought his hand up to my cheek. “Do you regret it?” 

Did I? Staring into his eyes, I let the sensations and movements from the previous night overwhelm me, pushing into my senses. I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Never.” 

Edward exhaled sharply, rubbing his thumb on my cheek just as he had the night before. “Thank fuck for that.” 

My eyes flew open and connected with his. “You don’t?” 

“I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you.” His eyes closed briefly, and his hand dropped from my face. “I suppose we should have had this talk last night, but we were a little preoccupied.” 

I huffed a laugh, settling back against the headboard. He pushed up on the bed and sat down next to me, reaching out to lace our fingers together. “I wasn’t really interested in talking last night.” 

“Yeah, me either. But I guess we should. We have things to discuss, and some decisions to make I suppose.” 

There was really only one burning question in my mind. And I had no fucking clue how to ask it. So, instead of asking what I really wanted to hear, I stayed with something safer. “What do you want to talk about then?” 

“Well, let’s start with the easy stuff yes? Um...” he hesitated, and I glanced up at him. 

“There is nothing easy about any of this, though.” 

His eyes shot to mine. “No, I guess that’s true.” He sighed and ran his free hand through his still damp hair. “You don’t regret this, and neither do I. I suppose what we need to discuss is where do we go from here? What do you want from me?” 

Any normal person might have been offended by the question, but I knew him so well. He wasn’t asking in a snotty way, it’s just the way he thinks. He's always been very straightforward and to the point, not really beating around the bush. I bit my lip, looking away from him. 

“I don’t know.” 

His fingers lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t you?” I was quiet, unable to form words. He smiled softly. “Do you want me?” 

I nodded; still unable to say anything. 

He pushed forward. “Do you love me?” 

I wretched my face from his grasp, looking away. I couldn’t look at him. Was this the way I wanted him to find out? Sure, I'd slept with him. But that really could just be all this is. “What about you?” I asked, still not meeting his eyes. 

Edward was silent and I resisted the urge to look at him. After a few moments he spoke. “I was hoping we would be honest with each other. After what happened last night, we owe the other that much. Don't you think?” I still couldn’t speak. “Bella, look at me.” 

Slowly, I refocused my eyes on him. The emotion shining out of his eyes overwhelmed me for a moment and suddenly the most important thing in my life became to tell him how I felt. “I think I've been in love with you for at least 4 of the 5 years I've known you,” I said honestly. “I never said anything because you are my boss. The alcohol last night just made me not care about that, and focus on what I did – and have – cared about for years.” 

I held my breath as he looked at me. I watched his look of concern be replaced with a genuine smile. He pushed forward and kissed me. I kissed him back, but my imagination was running away with me at the moment. 

What if he is just kissing me like this because he wants to sleep with me again? He doesn’t have to love me to sleep with me, everyone knows that. I was just honest with him and he didn’t say anything back. Just like he didn’t say anything last night. What if he didn’t say anything because he didn’t know how to let me down easily? 

I could see myself falling down a well of sadness the longer he went without telling me how he felt. The sting of rejection was hitting me hard and I felt tears well up in my eyes. How could I have been so stupid and think that he could possibly feel the same way for me as I did for him? What was the point of me telling him my feelings again? Clearly it didn’t make any difference. 

I broke out of my inner monologue and pulled away from him. “I am going to go shower,” I said in a small voice. I couldn’t face him at that moment. If he didn’t love me, then I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of falling apart in front of him. 


	2. Iris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thank you all for sticking with my little story. 
> 
> This chapter theme song is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. I love this song, and have always thought the line here is the most impactful and strong line I've ever heard in my life: “You bleed just to know you’re alive.” I mean, wow, right? Honestly, didn’t care for the Meg Ryan movie it was featured in, but you know, whatever. Still a great song. 
> 
> It’s a song that speaks of living in the moment, and being so in love with the one you are with. Our little couple is living this now. 
> 
> Song lyric quote within the story: Rachel Platten - Fight Song 
> 
> Please check them both out. By around chapter 5 or so, I’ll post the link to the YouTube playlist I’m creating with the chapter titles. The playlist referenced later will also come.

Chapter 2 – Iris 

  


Bella 

  


Edward didn’t say anything as I made my way to the bathroom. I knew he didn’t talk just for the sake of being heard; he waited until he had something really important to say. It was clear from the interaction we had, though, that he didn’t feel the need to tell me how he felt. Which told me one of two things: he didn’t feel the same way about me, or he didn’t want to say how he felt. Both were sort of devastating, so I needed to figure out how to deal with all of it before I went back out there. 

In my home, living alone, I was used to listening to music when I showered. When I was younger, I had been forced into voice lessons by my mother so I knew my singing was better than most. It wasn’t a conceit, it was true. Anyone who has ten years of voice lessons would have a better than average voice. I was frustrated, so I decided to start my “release the anger” playlist on my phone. I couldn’t find it in me to care that Edward could hear me. I put it on anyway. 

I started the playlist, and the water in the shower. The first song came on and it gave me the courage to enter the shower and rid myself any concerns I had. As the water started cascading over me, I felt the music swirl up through my body, starting with my stomach. I closed my eyes just sinking into it – and I felt my hangover headache start to abate. The feel of singing and music around me was always important, and when I was upset it was even more so. I stuck on Rachel Platten's Fight Song, and went to my happy place. 

My natural alto-ranged voice rang through the song, singing along and feeling cleansed at the same time. This song was sort of the poster child for women angry about something, in my opinion, and I used it quite often. When I got frustrated at work, with my friends, boyfriends or parents this was the first song I put on. I knew that the rest of the songs on this playlist would work well, but this one was everything at the moment. 

I let loose and let the music overtake me. I washed my hair and my body, soaping everything twice just to buy more time. By the time the next song was coming on, I was calmer, very clean and ready to face him again. I couldn’t be honest with him anymore, I decided. He hadn’t given me anything and I couldn’t risk my already teetering heart any more than I already had. I squared my shoulders, dried myself off and walked back into the bedroom area with just my towel on, heading straight for my suitcase. 

Edward was dressed and sitting on the bed, looking at his phone. He didn’t look up when I came into the room, but he said, “You have a great voice, Bella.” 

“Thank you,” I said, not offering anything more. If he was going to be terse, so would I. I shuffled around in my suitcase and pulled out the clothes for the day, laying them out on the desk. I grabbed my toiletries and turned to walk into the bathroom when Edward stopped me. I hadn’t heard him get up, but he was standing in my way. 

Reaching out, he put his hands on my shoulders. He smiled, leaning in and capturing my mouth with his. His touch still made my heart stutter...and even though I was in protection mode, I still kissed him back. It was like a natural response. Even though it was new, when Edward was close to me all rational thought left me. His lips and his tongue elicited a moan, which made him tighten his grasp on me. Pulling me forward, he wrapped his arms around me and I wound mine around him. 

“So fucking awesome that I get to do this now,” he murmured into my neck, licking and sucking it. 

“Hmmm,” I hummed, enjoying his lips but feeling dread that whatever we had would slip away. It wasn’t that I didn’t want this with him, or that I didn’t love him, but I was fearful. Which caused my mind to tell me this was a bad idea. 

Edward didn’t have that same fear, apparently, because he dropped the towel and started roaming my body with his hands. My traitorous body responded to his touch, and before I knew it, we were back on the bed. I was naked, and he was still in his work clothes. He never remedied that, though, opting instead to make his way between my legs, licking and sucking as he had last night. 

My brain went numb as I soared higher and higher, responding to his licks and sucking. No matter what I said about Edward once this trip was over, the one thing I would remember was just how damn good he was at this. When he curled his fingers inside of me, I shattered and was a panting mess on the bed. 

He slid his way back up me, kissing and nipping at my body but not fully putting his weight on me. He kissed my mouth slowly. I felt myself coming down and rational thought came back to me as a result. After a few minutes of kissing, he rolled off me and helped me up. He grinned at me as I got up and went back to get my toiletry bag, as though nothing just happened. 

What the hell am I doing? Why did he do that and not want sex, is that weird? All I could feel was the remaining tingling sensations from what he had done, and by god I loved it. No matter whether he loves me or not, he’s fucking awesome at that. I could hear my mother tell me to have as much fun as I could before it ended, and that’s exactly what I was going to do. 

Keeping Edward didn’t seem possible, so I decided to experience everything I could jam packed into this one week. I would give up any dinners with clients or coworkers to keep feeling his arms around me, his kiss on my skin, and his body near mine. But one thing I knew for certain: when this was over, I was going to be a sobbing mess of a person. That was entirely unavoidable, but I would deal with it as I had every other time my heart had been broken. 

My mind started to go numb again, as though a black fog was settling over me. I could push emotion out of my body for the week and just enjoy it. I knew I could. But in order to do it successfully, so that he wasn’t any wiser to my inner plight, I had to ensure my feelings were numbed. He couldn’t find out how angry I was that he had forced me to tell him how much I loved him, and hadn’t returned those feelings. He couldn’t know how much it hurt to know that I was getting a piece of what I'd always wanted, but would never be able to keep it. 

He could never find out how hard I was going to fall apart when we left. 

Instead of telling him any of this, I made my way back to the bathroom and started to get ready. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, and blow dried my hair before walking back to the bedroom area to get dressed. Edward was still on his phone, but he smiled at me as I came in. I smiled back, noting that the fog I'd let settle on myself was working. It didn’t hurt to smile back at him. I was successful! 

I made it through the day in the same fashion. I enjoyed seeing everyone in our Florida office, I chatted nicely with the clients we were meeting with, but every time I was in his presence the fog settled down again. A necessary survival mechanism, if I'm being honest. 

At the end of the day, we went out for dinner at one of the small restaurants near the hotel. I found myself drinking way more wine than necessary, much to Edward’s amusement. As he had last night, he followed me to my room, never having set foot inside his. His arms were around me the second we walked in the door, and I let the sensations wash over me, while the fog remained tight and thick. 

“I’ve been wanting you like this all day,” he said, kissing me. “It was like torture being in the office with you and not be able to kiss or hold you.” 

I didn’t say anything. What could I say? How did I explain what I was thinking, when it was clear he and I were on separate pages? Based on the available evidence, I was sure he just wanted to have a sexual relationship while we were here, and the only problem I had with that was, well...I wanted way more than that. 

“You looked so beautiful today. You amazed me with that one client who was really unhappy. You have a way with people, Bella.” He kissed my cheek, my ear lobe and down my neck. “And right now, I really just have to be inside you.” 

“Okay,” my traitorous mouth said, clearly without brain involvement. What I should do is talk to him. Ask him what the hell...but I really couldn’t say it. 

Let’s take a moment to pretend, shall we? What if he was in love with me? How would the evening be different? As his hands started to take off my clothes, my brain went wild with possibilities. I pictured us in a giant jacuzzi tub, filled with bubbles and drinking wine or champagne, toasting to our new found love. I pictured us making love soft and sweet, arching into each other, staring into the other’s eyes, expressing our love physically, while telling the other the whole time. 

He continued to kiss and undress me, and I kept pretending that he loved me. He would murmur just how much into my shoulder or neck as he laid me down carefully on the bed, taking his own clothes off before settling on top of me and kissing me harder. He took out a box of condoms that we had purchased on our way back to the hotel, taking one out and slipping it over himself. 

I fell further as soon as he was inside me. I simply glowed from love for this man, and I let the fog of lies settle around me again as the sharp, almost painful, realization tried to break its way through that he wasn’t truly mine. 

But today he was! 

He pushed his way inside me again and again, and I moaned at the contact. But before I could get comfortable in that position, he rolled us, positioning me on top of him. I continued the grueling pace that he had set, and his hands wandered all over me. My breasts ached as he touched them, my ass felt hot from where his hands had touched, but my clit was on fire once he started to rub it. 

“Oh, god, Edward,” I moaned, closing my eyes so that all I could see were explosions behind them as I felt over the edge. His hands stopped moving on my clit and repositioned on my hips, and he bucked into me harder and harder until pushing in one final time. 

Thank goodness for the condom, as it minimized what we’d had to clean up. Once he had disposed of it, he turned the lights off and came back to the bed to settle down next to me. I turned my back to him again, feeling a tear about ready to fall. But when his arms settled around me, I let the fog back in and I just enjoyed how he felt. 

“We didn’t finish our conversation this morning,” he said, kissing my back lightly. 

“Oh?” 

“We have a few things more to discuss, and we only have two more days here before going home.” 

“What do you want to discuss?” I held my breath. Was this it? Was he done now? He was going to go back to his hotel room and rid me of the ache inside my chest? 

“Once we go home, how do you think this relationship will work?” he asked, stunning me. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, we don’t live in the same state; how do we keep seeing each other?” 

I brushed the tear away quickly before rolling over to face him. “Do you want to keep seeing me?” 

He grinned, kissing me softly on the mouth. “We have so much fun together, Bella. Of course, I do.” 

“But you are my boss?” I said the first thing that came to my mind that wouldn’t hurt as much as other things. 

“Yeah, we need to talk about that, too.” He leaned forward and kissed me again. “Later though. It's getting late and I'm sure we are both tired. Let's not forget this in the morning ok? We need to talk everything through.” 

I rolled back over and went over everything that he had just said. He wanted to see me...of course he does; the sex is amazing. We had to talk about the fact that he was my boss...of course we do; technically what he did was an HR violation. He said we have fun together...duh! What have you been doing since you got here? 

I fell into a troubled sleep. I dreamt of running to Edward, who moved as soon as I got too close. I was on a never-ending journey to get to him, and he never let me get close enough to my goal. I shifted, he shifted. We were akin to opposite magnets, like I physically repelled him the closer I got. I woke up in a sweat several times; Edward would wind his arms around me, calming me, until I fell back asleep. 

But the next morning he didn’t keep his word. We didn’t talk about the things he brought up. Instead, we made love again, and he brought me to another massive orgasm. Not once did he mention my nightmares, or the conversation from the night before. 

We continued in this pattern the rest of the week. We would make love, he would say we had things to discuss, and then never bring them up again. Was he waiting for me to? Why would he do that, if he was the one who was so adamant about talking about them? 

The only solace I had was in my morning showers. He never joined me, which was fine. I put on my playlist and I sang to my angry list, feeling comfort in the music as I always had. Our last morning together before we made our way to the airport, he finally brought it up again. 

“Would you ever consider moving to Chicago, Bella?” he asked, sitting down on the bed. We had gotten our luggage packed and ready, and we were just waiting for the right time to head to the airport. He was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt – which was too casual for the suited-up Edward I was used to. 

“Uh, I never really thought about it. I'm not a super big fan of cold winters, though I guess it would be sort of awesome to see snow...I don’t know. Why do you ask?” I finished packing my purse into my backpack, leaving my ID and cash for snacks in my pocket. 

He shrugged. “Just curious if it was something you’d be willing to do someday. Probably too soon for that, right?” 

Too soon...what was too soon? Wait. Was he asking me to move to his state? I whirled on my toes, turning to look at him. “Do you want me to move to Chicago?” 

He grinned. “It would make it easier to see you if we were in the same state. But I don’t want to pull you away from your life, either. Maybe we can just see how this goes and decide later? Eventually one of us will have to relocate, I assume.” 

“Why is that, Edward?” I licked my suddenly dry lips. 

“I mean, we can’t continue the long-distance thing forever. I know I wouldn’t want that. You don’t either, do you?” He stood up and walked over to me. “Don’t you want this again? Us together all the time?” 

GOD YES, I DID....so much so that I practically screamed the answer inside my head. But when studying his dark blue eyes, I realized that this was dangerous territory, and I needed to be cautious in my answer. 

“Long distance relationships hardly ever work,” I said, just stating a fact. He smirked, kissing me quickly. 

“Exactly. Which is why we need to figure out who is moving, and when, right?” 

“Sure.” What the hell else should I say? 

He checked his watch. “Shit, we need to get going. Are you all packed up and ready?” 

I nodded, feeling a thick clog of emotion in my throat. 

We got to the airport, made our way through security, and sat down to have a late breakfast before going our opposite directions. His plane was leaving a half an hour after mine, so I assumed he would hang out until I got on the plane...or until he had to make his way to his own gate. 

“Will you call me when you get home?” he asked, taking a sip of his orange juice. 

My head jerked up. “Do you want me to?” 

He laughed. “Of course I do. I want to make sure you got home ok.” 

“Uh, yeah, sure, I can do that.” 

He smiled warmly before going back to his breakfast. Once again, as seemed to happen every fucking day, I analyzed everything he said. 

Why would he want me to call him when I got home? He’s your boss, and he needs to make sure you got home ok. But he smiled at me; that sexy smile he used to use in the hotel room. That’s just his smile, you idiot. 

He hugged me briefly when it was time for me to board. Even if we were in a relationship, I knew that he couldn’t do more than that in a public place. There was no telling if anyone from work was in the airport also. 

“I’ll miss you, Bella. I wish we didn’t have to go home so soon.” 

“You want to stay in Florida forever?” I joked, shouldering my back and grabbing my suitcase. 

“God, no, I hate the humidity here,” he joked back. “Promise you’ll call when you get home?” 

“I said I would, boss. Don’t worry about me. I'll make it home just fine.” 

And just like that, I was free. I made the slow journey into the plane, and finally settled down into the seat. I felt the fog start to lift, as reality was threatening to slam into me from all angels. But I couldn’t lose it here. I had hours in airplanes before I was back in Phoenix, and I couldn’t spend them a crying, sobbing mess. I had to wait until I was actually in my apartment before I lost it. 

With great effort, I brought the fog back up, letting it seep into me, as I settled into the uncomfortable seat, pulling out my book. I would concentrate on other stories, so that I didn’t have to figure out how my own was going to end. 

  


Edward 

  


I watched Bella slip inside the ramp toward her plane before I turned around to hurry over to my own gate. The sadness at losing her now after just finding out how wonderful we could be together was looming over me, but I knew I could survive. Eventually, one of us would move to the other and we would be happy. I could handle a few months of a long-distant relationship to get me to where I had her with me all the time. 

Bella was the most amazing person I'd ever met, and I knew I was attracted to her immediately. But the personality started coming out, and we got to know each other and before I knew it, I was head over heels in love with her. I hid it for a couple years, but this trip – and the alcohol, too, I’m sure – helped bring out what I'd wanted for so long. Or, really, who I wanted. 

I knew that we had some obstacles to get past. We lived in different states and I was her boss. Both of those could be managed fairly easily, once we actually talked about it. I got the feeling that she didn’t want to have those conversations – probably just too soon to discuss moving or anything like that. So, I backed off. I gave her a chance to talk about them, but she never said anything. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, so I never brought it up myself. 

Regardless of the obstacles, I loved her with everything in me. More than anyone else in my entire life. I simply couldn’t wait to start building our future together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m curious about your thoughts, now that we know what’s going on inside Edward’s mind as well. I welcome your feedback! 
> 
> So, couple things of note here. Edward is not verbose; and Bella lives in her head, listening to that nay-sayer in the back of her mind more than most. This doesn't help anything, does it? Inner monologue is sort of hard to separate when writing in first person, but the areas italicized are what you take note of. It’s certainly what Bella is listening to. 
> 
> Also, I post teasers the day before the chapters. If you want to see the teasers, please join us on one or both Facebook groups: “It All Started With Twilight” or “Cheatward’s Spot.” I’ve met some wonderful people in these groups, and have found many wonderful authors. 
> 
> The original intent was to update once a week, but F-that. I want to post more often, so I will. To hell with rules! LOL. I will get chapter three up by Sunday, and so on. At this point I'm up to 15 chapters, but I anticipate more. Just working on getting it all out of my head! 
> 
> A special thanks to my amazing beta zombified419! Not only for keeping my grammar in check, but tirelessly talking through this story step by step, and all the music reqs – seriously! Half or more of the music was all her! 
> 
> Incidentally, she is writing a simply wonderful Star Wars fic – Naberrie Blooms on AO3. I encourage everyone to read. I know you’ll love it. 
> 
> More soon! Leave me some love, and I'll see you all again soon.


	3. Do You Wanna Know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again friends! Chapter 3 is based on the song Do You Wanna Know? by Alkaline Trio. Definitely check the song out before, or after, you read the chapter. 
> 
> In order to ensure there are no issues with the chapters, I’ve taken out all of the song lyrics. You’ll just have to imagine our girl singing them at the top of her lungs. So, look for those songs, too. 
> 
> This chapter’s midway song is All I Really Want by Alanis Morrissette. 
> 
> I promise that the playlists are coming. But tell me in the comments – do you prefer the playlists on Amazon, Spotify or YouTube? We’ll see what I can do for you. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Twilight or the songs referenced in this fic. But I do own a brand-new blog that just started. Let me know if the comments if you are interested in that, too. I may post it later :)

Chapter 3 – Do You Wanna Know? 

  


Bella 

  


I was completely exhausted by the time I made it home. Travel was always hard, but going from the east coast to the west really sucked. The time difference made it so that I felt ready for bed, but it was too early to do that in Phoenix. I had held myself together through the two flights and the layover in Charlotte, only to feel the tears start to sting my eyes the second I walked inside my apartment. I sent a quick text to Edward to let him know I was home, hoping that would be good enough. 

When my phone rang and it was him, I hesitated. I had just texted him, so he knew I was near my phone. But I was quite literally seconds away from a total breakdown, and I didn't think I could hold it off for too much longer. 

Because I was a total glutton for punishment, I answered the phone anyway. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey. I’m glad that you made it home ok. How was your flight?” Edward’s voice was crisp and clean, and he sounded relaxed. The exact opposite of what I was feeling at the moment. 

“My flights, plural, were fine. Always tiring, you know? I was thinking about laying down.” 

“It’s like 6pm there, Bella. If you lay down, you won’t sleep tonight.” It was like he was scolding me like I was a child. I rolled my eyes. 

“I know how to handle it, Edward. I’ve traveled before you know.” 

He chuckled. “I know, babe.” 

I stopped breathing for a second. “Babe?” 

“I’m trying it out. You don’t like it?” 

“Uh, I don’t know.” I chewed on my lip. It felt too personal for him to call me that, and I couldn’t understand why he would want to. It literally made no sense to me. “I assume you are home?” I asked, hoping to change the subject. 

“Yeah, couple hours ago. Always forget how much longer it takes you to get anywhere. Considering Phoenix is a hub, you’d think it would be easier or faster at least.” 

“Uh-huh.” I was getting flustered again, and I didn’t want to lose it on the phone. 

“Everything ok, Bella?” 

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” 

“Ok, how about you go rest and I'll give you a call later?” 

He was going to call me later? Why? Is he torturing me now? “Sure. See ya, Edward.” 

“Bye, babe.” 

This called for drastic action. I needed help and someone to bounce this off of. I was completely out of my element. It would be great if I could talk to someone who knew Edward, too, but I was leery of talking to anyone at work. I had a few close friends, but this was crossing a major HR line and I didn't want anyone to get in trouble – or anyone to know the dirty little secret that I've been carrying around. 

Well, in my world, there was only one person I could talk to. I grabbed my phone and sent a text off. Before I did anything else, I threw my bags in my small bedroom and started making myself a drink. My phone chirped and I grabbed it quickly. Smirking, I set it down and poured another drink for her. I knew she would help. 

Within thirty minutes, there was a knock on my front door. I ran to the door and opened it, immediately thankful that I had thought to text her. 

“Let me in, bitch. You said urgent, I’m here, and it’s Friday night and I don’t have a drink in my hand.” Rose slid in the door, tossing her purse on the floor and turning to me expectantly. I handed her a glass of wine, which she took eagerly, as her eyes narrowed on me. 

“What the hell happened to you? You look like shit.” Rose didn’t mince words. 

“It’s a really long story. I hope you didn’t have any plans tonight,” I explained, taking a sip of my own glass. 

“I’m here, man. If I had plans, I wouldn’t be. What's up?” 

I motioned for her to follow me, and I led her over to the one lonely couch in my living room. We sat down and I started the grueling story of what had happened this week. Rose was quiet through the explanation of alcohol fueled sex, the morning after, and then every day after that through today’s new development of the “babe” phenomenon. Once I had retold everything I could think of, I sat back and let Rose mull it over. 

“Hold up,” she said, setting her wine glass down. “He basically badgered you into telling him that you loved him, but didn’t say it back?” When I nodded, she continued. “What an asshole. This jackass is using you for sex, Bella! I bet he just wanted a warm bed for the week.” 

I felt the tears pooling in my eyes. This, of course, is exactly what I had been thinking, but I obviously hoped I was wrong. If Rose saw it, then that had to be what was going on. “I know, and I'm so stupid for putting myself through this. I do love him, Rose, I can’t deny that.” 

“And you went along with everything this week so that you could pretend,” she finished for me, sliding over and putting her arm around me. “Did he give you anything else? Any clues as to his feelings?” 

“He called me babe today. He did keep saying that one of us would need to move at some point...he mentioned that he wanted to talk more about the future, but he never really brought it up at a time we could sit and hash anything out.” 

“Hmm.” Rose looked contemplative as she sat next to me. “I suppose it’s possible he wants more than just sex from you. I don’t know why he would call you and then come up with a term of endearment now that you aren’t in the same state. That's weird. Did you come out and ask him?” 

“No! What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, Edward, remember when you forced me to tell you how I felt? Well, now I'm doing that to you.’” 

Rose rolled her eyes. “Obviously, you would need to be nicer than that.” She shifted back toward the other side of the couch and picked up her glass, taking a long drink. “Maybe just something simple like, ‘hey what do you think of me, or something.’” 

“Should I ask him if he can send me a note before gym, too?” 

She snorted and rolled her eyes again. “Drama, Bella. Neither of us have time for that anymore.” She took a sip of her wine, before turning her eyes back to me. “You need to come out and ask him how he feels. You can tell a lot from a guy by how he answers that question.” 

“’Can’t we just be without putting a label on it?’” I mimicked. 

“’Come on babe, we’re just having fun here, right?’” Rose scoffed. “Yeah, we’ve heard them all. Call him back, I wanna hear this. Maybe I can hear something you didn’t.” 

I knew to never fight Rose; life was easier if I didn’t. I quickly texted Edward to see if I could call him, and he replied by calling me. Rose rolled her eyes again – and I was starting to get worried for her eye health with how often they were being rolled tonight. 

I answered the phone and put it on speaker. “Hey, Edward.” 

“Hey, babe. You didn’t want to get any sleep?” 

“No, I decided I'd stick it out until a little later.” 

“Yeah, I told you. Better to just push through it and stay up. What are you doing? Am I on speaker?” 

“Oh, yeah, I'm uh, making cookies. Figured I could talk to you while I'm doing that.” 

“Nice. Will you send me some? I’d love to try your cookies.” 

“You have a sweet tooth, Edward?” 

“Only for you, babe.” 

Rose wrinkled her nose, and whispered to me. “I don’t like that name.” 

“You say something?” 

I glared at Rose and she smirked back at me. “No, sorry, just reading the, uh, recipe. And sure, I can mail you some.” 

“That’s great, thank you babe. So, what are you doing this weekend? Anything fun?” 

Rose leaned over and put my phone on mute. “Tell him you’ll be going out with some girlfriends.” She took the phone off mute. 

“I’m going out with some girlfriends tomorrow night.” 

“Yeah? Where are you going? That sounds like fun.” 

Rose cocked her head to the side, a thoughtful expression on her face. 

“I don’t know, probably just to a bar or something. Maybe dancing.” 

“Oh, Bella...” 

“What?” I looked up at Rose, she had a smirk on her face. 

“I wish I could go with you. I would love to dance with you.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. I would love to feel you in my arms, dancing to music. Hearing your voice in my ear singing along with the music. God, Bella, that would be perfect.” 

I blushed at that, and Rose made a production of standing up and knocking loudly on the door. “Oh, Edward, someone is at my door. I’ll talk to you later ok?” 

“Ok, babe. I hope you have a great time this weekend. I’ll text you tomorrow ok?” 

“Sounds good.” 

I hung up, standing to place my phone on the table. I looked at Rose expectantly. She was pouring herself another glass of wine, before reaching impatiently for my glass. “We are going to need more wine for this. 

“There are several things to digest out of that call. First, he sounds totally comfortable with you. He wasn’t jealous of you going out – didn't even mention that there could be guys there. Nothing! So, that could mean one of two things. Either he is super comfortable with your relationship and trusts you fully, or whatever you do doesn’t matter to him in the least.” 

I felt my heart fall at the last option. What if that was how he viewed me? 

He calls me babe, but not in a ‘term of endearment’ sort of way. Maybe he sees me as that helpless talking pig in that movie I saw forever ago. Can't do anything on my own, and he has to tell me what to do and how to behave. He told me not to sleep, or I wouldn’t sleep tonight. Which made me feel like I did when my mother said things like that to me as a child. Maybe that’s how he sees me? 

“Bella, just stop right now,” Rose said, handing me back my glass. 

“Stop what?” I asked, shaking myself out of the vision in my head. 

“Stop thinking, and start listening.” Rose circled the small island in my kitchen, coming to stand next to me. “I think it’s the former, personally. He seems to really like you.” 

“If he really liked me, why wouldn’t he just tell me that?” 

Rose shrugged. “Maybe that’s not his love language.” 

My eyes shot to hers, and I furrowed my brow in confusion. “Love language?” 

“Yeah, everyone has their own way of expressing deep emotion. You obviously need to hear it; you want someone to tell you they love you. That's your love language. Maybe Edward’s is something different. Like touch. Did he touch you a lot when you were alone in the hotel room?” 

I nodded, thinking back. “Yeah, every chance he got. It was the first time I'd ever slept with anyone who held me the whole time.” 

Rose laughed, throwing her head back. “Then you are doing it wrong, honey. You should always be held when fucking someone.” 

I joined her laughter. “I mean sleep, you dork. While sleeping he held me all night. There were little touches here and there, too. Like I was looking at my phone on Twitter or something, and he just reached over and touched my leg out of nowhere. Stuff like that.” 

Rose nodded. “Yeah, maybe touch is his love language.” 

“How does that help me, Rose? He’s like thousands of miles away.” 

She shrugged again, draining the last of her wine. “You have to hear him, and he has to hear you. Best thing to do is talk to him; like really talk. Tell him how you are feeling, and see what he says.” 

My head dropped. “I don’t know how to do that.” 

She put her arm around me. “You do, sweetie. It's not about knowing how. You don’t want to because you think you’ll be rejected.” 

Nodding, I felt the tears I'd been holding back all week start to fall. “It’s just so hard, you know? He’s my boss, and I'm stuck with him all day at work no matter what. I've been in love with him for years, and I want to be with him, but I just don’t know how he feels.” 

“That’s why you need to ask him. You'll never know if you never ask.” 

Later that night, after Rose had left, I decided to take a long hot shower and get the smell of the plane off my body. I tuned up the playlist I had been religiously listening to all week. This time, I needed some Alanis. As soon as the music started playing, I closed my eyes and let it surround me. It was necessary to blast All I Really Want by Alanis – especially when I was in a mood. 

“You just get me, don’t you, Alanis?” 

I slipped inside the shower, letting the hot water fall over me. It soothed me almost as much as the music did. Thankful for the moderate sound proofing of my shower, I began singing loudly, feeling the lyrics as much as I felt the music. 

The water washed over me, and the music straightened out my soul. The lyrics meant everything at the moment, and I knew I had made the right choice in songs. This is what I had needed exactly. 

By the time I was out of the shower, I felt like a new woman. I wasn’t worried – that would come later, I'm sure – it was more so that I knew who I was and what I needed. I kept the music on low volume and started the process of unpacking. 

I flitted around the room, putting things in drawers that I didn’t use, or throwing them in the basket to wash later. I kept myself busy, buzzed a little off all the wine earlier from Rose. But it was exactly the right thing for me to do. After the emotional week, brought on by – as Rose would put it – not talking to Edward about how I felt, I really just needed normal. Cleaning, singing to my music, and sipping merlot was normal. 

After everything was put away, I surveyed my cupboards to see if I had the stuff to make cookies. I needed to send some to Edward anyway, so I had to figure something out. I hadn’t stocked up on food last weekend because I wasn’t going to be home, so I decided to write up a shopping list. 

The mundaneness of my life seeped into my buzzed brain, and I made a stupid decision. I called Edward again. 

“Hello?” He sounded groggy. 

“Did I wake you up?” I giggled. Maybe I was more than buzzed. 

“Yeah, it’s a little later here, babe. You know that.” 

“I’m sorry, Edward. I just wanted to hear your voice again.” I giggled again. I would definitely not be happy about myself tomorrow morning. 

“You drunk, Bella?” He sounded more awake now. 

“Yeah, a little. My friend Rose stopped by and we may have finished off a bottle of merlot.” 

“Finished off?” 

“Yeah, a bottle I opened when she got here.” 

“Oh, hell. You are drunk.” Edward laughed. “Wish I was there, baby? You want to feel me next to you while you are drunk?” 

“You want to take me to bed, Edward?” I bit my lip. This was so unlike me. And him, honestly. Since we started our sexual relationship, I could see and hear differences in him. He never spoke to me like this before. 

He groaned. “God, yes, Bella. I want to take you to bed so badly. I miss your touch already. I miss your body, how your hair would fall over my chest when you were on top. Fuck, I wish I was there to show you how much I miss you.” 

“You miss me?” 

“Does that surprise you?” 

“Maybe.” 

“What are you wearing, Bella?” 

“Shorts and a tank top. I just got out of the shower.” 

He groaned again. “And you are still a little wet?” 

I lowered my voice. “I’m very wet, Edward.” 

“Ok, baby. Let's have some fun and take care of your wet problem.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little more, and we got to meet Rose! If any of you have read my stories in the past, you know I’m a sucker for a strong – yet likeable - Rosalie. I hope you enjoyed reading her as much as I enjoyed writing her! 
> 
> Once again, teasers for this story are posted on Facebook. If you want to get the teasers as well, please join It All Started With Twilight or Cheatward’s Spot. Both are fantastic groups, and I simply love being a part of them. 
> 
> Thanks to my bestest buddy/beta zombified419! Couldn’t do this without you, my friend! You all should also check out her wonderful Star Wars fic on AO3 called Naberrie Blooms. I’m beta-ing (so go easy on me), and it’s just wonderful. 
> 
> Thank you all again for checking out this story. Posting will remain to twice a week. We’ll see when I post again.


	4. Just Like Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I threw a little treat in here for you all. Since we have mostly been focusing on Bella – and this is a dual POV story – let's see how Edward is doing with all of this. 
> 
> This chapter is based on the song Just Like Heaven by The Cure. And oldie but a goodie! No embedded song in this one. 
> 
> Read on, and more at the bottom.

Chapter 4 – Just Like Heaven 

  


Edward 

  


I woke up with a smile on my face. I had been doing that a lot lately. Ever since Bella and I got together, everything just seemed better. The sun shone brighter, food tasted better and no matter how hard a task was, I enjoyed it. Something about finally being with the woman you love will do that for you. My friends and family knew something was going on – no longer was I the morose and strict Edward that I always had been. Now I was just happy all the time. 

If Bella noticed a change in my personality, she never said. But we didn’t live near each other, unfortunately, so maybe she didn’t notice. In the last couple weeks since we got home from Florida, we had talked almost every night. Considering how many people were commenting on my personality change, it was odd that she hadn’t noticed. Well – maybe she had and just hadn’t said anything. 

Bella was different now, too. She used to be really bubbly and happy. Now she felt more reserved. It was like she and I traded places in our personalities. I assumed it was the strain of having to keep our relationship private. Bella wasn’t really someone who hid anything well; she always wanted to be honest with people and tell them the truth. Over the years, I'd had to reign her in a few times with clients. You can’t always tell them the truth of a situation; honesty is important, yes, but you can give them honesty without telling them the entire truth. 

She never really understood that. 

Which is why I was concerned going into the third weekend since Florida. I still woke with a smile on my face, but there was an underlying concern about what was going on with her. I tried a couple times to get her to open up and tell me what was going on, but she changed the subject. When we had been at the hotel and I’d wanted to talk about our future, I sensed that she was uncomfortable by the notion. Maybe she had just been burned with relationships in the past? Maybe she could tell me she loved me, but didn’t want to talk about it all the time? 

I wasn’t sure, because I didn’t want to make things harder for her. But I was desperate to figure it all out. Which is why I called my sister. 

Now, calling Alice was a Hail Mary move. I never asked for her advice, or more to the point, I never talked to her about relationships at all. I knew not to involve her or she would never shut up about something. I loved my twin to death, but there were some things that you just did out of self-preservation. And keeping Alice at arm’s length when you were trying to make it work with a girl was most definitely one of them. 

Desperate times called for desperate measures, though. 

“Hey little brother,” Alice said, answering her phone. 

“I’m like 20 minutes younger than you, but I'm also a foot taller. I think they saved the best for last, dear sister.” 

Alice laughed. “I only grew as much as I needed to, dear brother. Not my fault they had to make more of you to fill the void.” We both chuckled in our familiar banter. “What has you calling me at 9am on a Saturday? I never hear from you this early in the day.” 

“Well, I um, sorta need some advice.” There was silence on the other end. “Alice? You still there?” 

“What advice could you possibly want from me?” Her tone was casual, but I knew I had made a mistake by not including her in more of my life. It was one thing to not want her to go overboard; it was entirely different to keep her at bay so much that she was shocked when I asked for help. Damn. 

“I am hoping you have some time to stop by today? I need some advice on a girl.” 

There was shuffling on the other end of the phone, and then I heard her talking to someone on her side of the call. Her voice was muffled. “Sorry, Jazz, but I need to run out to see my brother. Can you lock up when you leave? Or you can just hang out; I'm sure I'll be back later. Love you, too.” 

I waited patiently for her to finish talking to Jasper. Presumably she was coming over immediately, which was fine. The other thing about Alice is she always just assumes that you understand what her intentions are without actually telling you. 

“Ok, little brother. I’ll be there in 10.” Alice came back to the line, sounding a little out of breath. 

“I’ll make the coffee.” 

“You better.” 

As I got the coffee going, I marveled at my sister. She had been in a relationship with the same man since she was in high school. Never married him, still didn’t even live with him. But they were together a lot. Both of them enjoyed their time apart, but they also seemed very much in love when they were together. She was content with how they managed their relationship, but I couldn’t understand how they had never even discussed marriage or kids. It was all I’d wanted the last few years. 

Sure, when I was younger it was all about getting the next woman in my bed. But as I passed 30, I realized that I didn’t want that life anymore. I wanted someone to settle down with. I wanted children. I wanted a life that wasn’t solitary any longer. The last relationship I'd had was a total disaster. She hadn’t wanted any of those things, and I had started to feel more for her than just friendship. When it crashed and burned, I had shut myself away from dating anyone else. Besides, there was this beautiful woman I worked with that continued to steal my eye and thoughts. 

Ah, Bella. Working with her had been both a dream and a nightmare at the same time. She was just so fun and beautiful. She was the perfect woman in my eyes. I had already met her when I had started dating Tonya, but – and I often wonder if this is what truly sabotaged the relationship – nothing ever really compared to what my vision of Bella was. That relationship had ended over two years ago, and I decided not to try anything with anyone else for a while. 

Then Florida happened. And holy shit. Being with Bella was everything I'd ever imagined it to be. She was strong and soft – easily the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, both inside and out. When I was making love to her everything else was only secondary. The feeling of rightness and being surrounded by love was almost overwhelming to me. I admit that I totally became addicted to her that week. I'd never wanted to leave, and saying goodbye at the airport was horrible. 

Alice walked in my house using her key, without any notice, startling me out of my reverie. She didn’t even acknowledge me at first, walking up to my cupboard to grab a mug and fill her cup with coffee. She reached inside my fridge and got some creamer. After taking two long sips, she finally turned around to face me. 

“Ok, now that I've had caffeine, let’s talk about girls,” she said, with a twinkle in her eye. I almost groaned out loud. She wasn’t going to make this easy on me, that was for sure. 

“There’s only one girl, Alice.” I sighed, getting myself a cup of coffee also. While I did that, and threw some bread in the toaster, I told her my story. How Bella and I started sleeping together in Florida, and some of the somber conversations I'd had with her recently. 

“And Bella is usually really upbeat? Is there something bothering her?” 

“Not that she’s told me, no.” 

“Have you point blank asked her if anything’s wrong?” 

“Several times, yes. After the fourth or fifth time she just got frustrated at me, so I stopped asking. I didn’t want to make it worse by pushing her.” 

Alice was quiet for a moment, thoughtful. “And you love her?” 

“More than I've ever loved anyone – except maybe you, and Mom and Dad.” 

“Wow. I’ve never seen you like this over a girl before.” 

“She’s not just a girl, Ali. She’s...well, she’s everything! She and I have a ton in common, we laugh at the same jokes, watch the same movies and read mostly the same books. She is kind and fun, and the most beautiful woman I've ever met in my life. I want to marry her,” I said, my voice getting quiet. “I want to have kids with her. I just...I want her beside me forever.” 

Alice looked like she could cry. She shifted closer to me on my couch. “Have you told her any of this?” 

Shaking my head, I looked up at my sister. “I tried to talk to her about the future when we were in Florida, but it seemed to freak her out. I don’t want to move too fast and scare her away. She's too important.” I ran my hand through my hair. “The whole relationship is complicated by the whole work thing, too.” 

“Work thing?” Alice cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean? How often do you work together?” 

“I’m her boss.” 

Alice stared at me with wide eyes. “Edward!” 

“I know, I know.” I lowered my head into my hands, leaning over to rest them on my knees. “This is so messed up. Not only is it morally wrong, but it’s a total HR nightmare. I could get fired if anyone found out we were dating.” I glanced back up at Alice. “I don’t want to stop working with her though. I want to be around her all the time. If we didn’t work together, I wouldn’t get to talk to her nearly as much.” 

“Fuck that, Edward! This isn’t right, and you know it! Think about how she could be feeling! Even though she said she is in love with you, you are still calling the shots. You have to tell her what to do at work, and even if you don’t do that at home, that’s enough! She feels that you control everything, which means that she has no say in the relationship. You are the dominant one just by simply being her boss. 

“No wonder she’s morose and quiet. You hold all the cards, and she has no say. Or at least, that’s probably what she’s thinking. How can she break up with her boss if it’s not working out, hmm? She would be worried she’d lose her job! Edward, you have to transfer her to another department as soon as possible. This just isn’t right – on so many levels!” 

She wasn’t saying anything that I hadn’t thought myself – except for me being in control over the relationship. I honestly hadn’t thought about that. But transferring her to a new department had been something I'd thought of quite often, actually. I resisted, for the exact reason I’d told Alice. I just didn't want to be away from her for any amount of time. But, if I'm being truly honest with myself, I could see what Alice meant. I still had to guide Bella and manage her at work. It was a huge conflict to have us dating outside of work at the same time. 

“I can see that you love her, and I'm glad! I really just want you to be happy. But the relationship, as it stands right now, is doomed to fail unless you separate the two of you at work. You cannot continue to work the way that you have for so long. The personal dynamic has changed everything.” 

I nodded, draining the last of my coffee. “You are right; I know you are. I just don’t know what to do about it. If I try to transfer her, everyone will ask why. What do I say? ‘So I can fuck my girlfriend without being her boss, too?’ I don’t want anyone to think it’s a performance issue or whatever. I have to figure all of this out and go about transferring her carefully.” 

Alice nodded, shifting back so she could grab her coffee cup. She made her way back into the kitchen and refilled her cup. I handed her mine, and she did the same. “Yeah, that is sort of true. You don’t want to make things harder for her at work by transferring her. But there has to be a way to manage this to make sure you aren’t her boss, and that she isn’t affected badly by the transfer.” 

“I’m sure there is. I just haven’t figured it out yet.” 

Alice sipped her coffee, and we were silent for a few moments. “When do I get to meet her?” 

I rolled my eyes. “She lives in Phoenix, Alice.” 

“I know! But she has to come up here for a visit at some point, right? You guys are together now, so I assumed that you would travel to be together sometimes.” 

“She hasn’t said anything about that. I mentioned that one of us would need to move at some point, but she never made any comments about it. That was when we were in Florida; she didn't want to talk about the future at all.” 

“Maybe she’s had bad relationships before,” Alice offered. 

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. She doesn’t talk about it, so I don’t know for sure. Seems likely, though.” I shuffled a little. “I can probably come up with an excuse to go to Phoenix soon. I have a couple people who report to me that work in that office; plus, my boss is there. Do you think that’s a bad idea?” 

“No, actually. Seeing her is probably for the best. She could also be someone who is uncomfortable with airing everything over a phone. Not everyone likes to do that. Some people prefer talking about deep things in person.” 

“I can talk to my boss about this on Monday.” 

“Also talk to him about Bella moving to a different department.” 

“How do I do that, Alice?” 

She was quiet for another moment, before her eyes lit up. “I got it! Tell him that Bella is quickly rising to the top of the department. That you are sure she needs to be moved to a different position with a raise and promotion, because she is such a fantastic employee!” 

I hesitated, knowing Bella and her work ethic better than anyone. “She’s good at her job, but she’s never wanted to have a managerial position. She was pretty clear on that, actually. She could be better in a few areas, and we’ve been working through them together. Nothing bad, just refining what she already knows and improving her overall skills.” 

Alice was shaking her head. “This is so bad, Edward! You need to get away from her at work!” 

“I know, I know...I don’t see a way to do it safely, though. She's not good enough to be promoted yet – maybe in another couple years, but not now. And she doesn’t deserve to get in trouble over this either. I really feel stuck right now.” 

“What if she just applied to a different department? Even if it’s a lateral move.” 

“She’d have to go for that. As her manager, I can’t apply for her.” 

“I know, but...well, talk to her about it. See what she thinks.” 

I was feeling moderately better by the time Alice left, as I sat down to eat the cold forgotten toast. For the most part, I knew what her objections were going to be. Just hearing them from someone else really did put them in perspective. I needed to remedy this situation with her as soon as possible – for both our sakes. 

  


Bella 

  


It's as if I was drowning. That's how I felt every day. Depression was pulling me under in ways that I'd never thought possible. Work was hard because Edward was there trying to coach and guide me into doing a good job. Home was hard because my boyfriend – as he started calling himself – was still not sharing his feelings with me. With Rose’s guidance, I could tell that he did feel something for me and it had made some difference. The problem was that I simply didn’t know how deep those feelings were, because he never shared. To be fair, though, I never asked. 

We talked on the phone all the time, and I found myself becoming quieter and quieter. I didn’t want to uncover how I felt, for fear of driving him away. But I felt powerless to stop the feelings that kept bubbling up inside me. Most of the time the phone conversations turned sexual, and it always left me feeling bad afterward. 

I had not taken Rose’s advice to talk to him. I had been honest about that; I really didn’t know how to start that conversation. If I talked to Rose about it, I knew that she would tell me it’s just because I'm worried about what he will say. This was definitely true, but at the same time I also found myself totally tongue-tied when the conversation steered that direction. I physically couldn’t say the words. 

After the third weekend of this relationship, I was feeling pretty sad about continuing to be stuck in this half-life I was in. When Edward announced that he would be visiting Phoenix in our team meeting on Tuesday, I got really nervous. I wish he’d told me ahead of time. 

I worried all day about what it would mean with him coming to Phoenix. Would he expect to stay with me? Did I want him to? Damn, the thought of being alone with him was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. I'd just have to wait to see. Maybe this time, he would talk to me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I think the first thing that’s clear is the fact that they are not on the same page. As evidenced by how giddy Edward is, and how morose Bella is acting. The foundation of a good relationship is communication, and they haven’t figured out how to do that yet. 
> 
> Just remember, my friends, Angst is one of the genres for this fic... 
> 
> So, what did you think?? Any thoughts on how this is going, what’s coming up in Phoenix? 
> 
> By the next chapter, I’ll include a link to my playlist on YouTube. If you don’t have Facebook, or don’t want to join some amazing groups (It All Started with Twilight, and Cheatward’s Spot), you can save the playlist. It will be updated the day before I post with the next chapter’s song. 
> 
> A huge thank you to my bestest buddy/beta (my BBB!) zombified419 for all the countless hours spent with me researching music, helping me with the plot, and making sure my grammar is on point. Couldn’t do this without you! Incidentally, please go check out her Star Wars fic Naberrie Blooms on AO3 – it's a wonderful story! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


	5. Torn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say to introduce this chapter; it’s a mandatory step forward for these two. 
> 
> Song for this chapter is Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. I always liked this song, and it really spoke to me for this chapter. 
> 
> Also, the embedded song is Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson. I am trying not to reuse artists, but some of them put through just too much amazing content.

Chapter 5 – Torn 

  


Bella 

  


I was nervous leading up to Edward coming into Phoenix. I spent almost the whole weekend prior nervously going through my entire wardrobe, trying to find professional yet sexy clothes to wear. Finally, I bit the bullet and just went shopping. I didn’t want to tell Rose what I was doing so I went by myself. I spent hours at the mall...I hated shopping. I found a couple things, which would have to do. 

Then, after the shopping experience, I decided I needed to clean my small apartment. Edward had to check in to the hotel for optics, but he was planning on staying with me. I had finally worked up the courage to talk to him, I just couldn’t ask him the biggest burning question I had. We had continued to talk almost every night, and I'd gotten the courage to ask him last night. 

“So, Edward, what hotel are you staying at?” I asked, as innocently as I could. I had practiced several different options: 

Are you excited to live in a hotel for a week? 

Sucks to be in a hotel again so soon right? 

Don’t forget to bring your own shampoo; hotel shampoo is always crap. 

They all sounded stupid. I had finally settled on the question I'd asked him. It sounded innocent. To my surprise, Edward laughed. 

“Actually, I was hoping you wouldn’t mind me staying with you. I miss you, and I want to spend time with you while I'm there. I have to check into the hotel, but I was going to do that and then go straight to your place.” 

“Oh, um, yeah that’s fine.” I was stuttering. I didn’t stutter. Damn it, he was getting under my skin even more than he already was. 

So, I was cleaning. But I had my music on full blast drowning within it while dusting, vacuuming, and anything else that I could do. Today’s song choice to start was Gotye – just the one song, though. I was addicted to Kimbra’s part in Somebody That I Used to Know and would sometimes just sing her part, reverse the song, and sing it again. There was something so satisfying about singing, at full blast, her lyrics. 

As always, I sang it with my full range, as loud as I could. I felt a sort of kinship with the lyrics after the last breakup that I had. It didn’t capture exactly how I was feeling about Edward, but it helped me release the frustration that I was feeling about the Edward-situation. That's all I ever used music for, anyway. It was cleansing – and one hundred percent necessary. 

I continued to clean until Edward’s customary call in the evening. He talked more than I did, excited to see me the next day. I hummed, and commented in appropriate places, but all I really felt were nerves. When I got off the phone with him, I sat down on the couch in an apartment that was cleaner than the day I'd moved in and wondered to myself why I was so nervous. 

Did I love him? DUH, of course I did. 

Do I want to see him again? Uh, again, DUH. Of course, I did. 

Then what was it? I was in love with him. He was coming to see me. Why in the hell was I so scared to see him? And then the voice came back, worrying and causing even more anxiety. 

Maybe he wants to break up with me? That's why he is coming out of nowhere. It’s not like he discussed this with me ahead of time. I bet he has this whole thing planned out. But I bet he won't do it until after a full week of sex. Like he’ll literally wait until just before heading to the airport on Friday to tell me that he made a mistake and doesn’t want to ruin his career by continuing this relationship. 

Needless to say, I was stressed out going into the office the next morning. 

  


Edward 

  


Excitement wasn’t even the right word for what I was feeling. My leg bopped up and down the entire flight from Chicago to Phoenix. I was almost counting the seconds. I had my iPad up and was half-heartedly watching a movie, mostly though I was watching the clock. I had opted to take an early morning flight out so that I could spend as much of the day in the office as possible. Hell, Bella probably hadn’t even woken up by the time I was at the airport. 

Alice and I had gone over and over the plan for the week. Talk. To. Bella. Those were my instructions. She gave me a list of things we needed to talk about, but the most important was to discuss the job issue. I had to gauge what her reactions would be to transferring her, or applying out, and then help her to get out of my department. In Alice’s mind that was the most important thing to achieve this week. 

By the time I got to the office, I was almost bouncing in joy. I felt like Alice for a moment. Mom would always joke with her that she had gotten all the energy out of the two of us. From almost the second she could walk she was bouncing or running. She never sat still. I was content to sit and read for hours, but Alice was outside playing until her legs gave out. 

I walked into the office and made my way to the big boss, Mike Newton. He’d asked me to see him as soon as I got in. My eyes immediately went to Bella’s desk, but she wasn’t there. I checked my watch; it was almost noon so she had to be in. Maybe she had just gone to get more coffee. 

“Edward, great to see you, come in,” Mike said, greeting me. I had always gotten along with him. He was an older man, maybe close to 60, but was very kind. Wickedly smart, too, which is why I loved being in his department. “Have a seat, we have some things to discuss.” 

“Sure, thanks, Mike. Nice to see you.” I settled into the chair on the other side of his desk, noting that he closed the door before he sat down opposite me. 

“I’m sure you’ve heard about the expansion that we have been looking into recently?” When I nodded, he continued. “We’ve settled on the next site. Considering how instrumental you and your department were in developing out the Chicago and Orlando offices, we want you to help us with the new one.” 

My heart sank for a moment. When the Orlando office was first decided on, about five years ago now, I’d had to relocate for almost nine months in order to make sure it was finished properly. Where would they send me this time? Would it be closer to Bella? 

I swallowed thickly. “Where is the new location?” I asked, almost dreading what he was going to say. 

“Denver, Colorado.” Mike smiled at me. “Would you and a member of your team be able to relocate for six to ten months to oversee the completion of the office?” 

I thought fast. I could ask Eric to join me; he had been a part of the crew that helped out with the Orlando office. I could, but that wasn’t who I wanted to be trapped in the mountains with. Before I had thought it through, I replied, “I was thinking Bella Swan, Mike.” 

He hummed, leaning forward on his desk. “Is she ready for something like this?” 

Nodding, I sat back in the chair a little. “She came in around the time that we were in the middle of the Orlando build. She had some excellent ideas on how to finish on time; I think it’s time for her to step up and help from the ground up.” 

Mike hummed again, and I was at a loss as to how to interpret his reaction. He leaned back in his chair, regarding me with an intense look. “And you are sure she can do this? Opening up offices and getting them done right is important, Edward. I don’t need to tell you that, right?” 

“No, Mike, I get it. I think Bella would be great.” 

“Well, it’s your department. I'll let you decide; you know what’s on the line here.” Mike turned back to his computer. “Make sure I get an answer by the end of the week, ok? The construction crew was hired last Thursday and they are ready to begin within two weeks. We need you and Bella there as soon as possible.” 

“Expenses paid as last time?” 

“Yeah, work with Jessica and she’ll get you both set up with temporary housing and a meal budget. She'll take care of the ancillary items such as utilities.” He waved me off, and I left his office regretting my words to him almost immediately. This was such a bad idea. 

After setting my things down in a conference room, I walked over to the cubicle area where my team sat, noting that Bella was at her desk this time. She glanced up as I got closer and she smiled shyly. Weren't we past the shyness at this point? 

“Hey, Edward! Welcome back to Phoenix!” Eric said, standing up to shake my hand. 

“Hey crew, how’s everything going?” I glanced around. I had four people in the office that were a part of my department; I had to make sure I spent equal time with each of them. No reason to give anyone reason to think I was only here to see Bella – though that was exactly why I had traveled. 

“Good, man. Hey, can you take a look at this? I need a second opinion before I hit send.” Ben waved me over, and I went to stand next to him, looking over his shoulder at the email on his screen. Ben sat right next to Bella, and I swear I could feel the heat from her body radiating all over me. I shifted a little so that I was closer to her chair, bending slightly to read through his email. 

“Change that word there to ‘oversee’; makes it sound more official than ‘watch.’” I continued to read, trying not to watch Bella out of the corner of my eye. “Good. Can you CC me on that? I want to be able to jump in if the client has any problems.” 

“Sure, Edward. Thanks!” Ben added me to the email then hit send. 

I shifted to look at Bella, who had swiveled in her seat. “Good morning, Bella. Everything going ok for you?” I tried to keep humor out of my voice; casual, that’s how I needed to sound. 

“I’m ok, Edward, thanks,” she said, quietly. 

“Great, let’s get some coffee. I need to talk to you about a new project.” 

She stood, her face passive, but I could almost feel the anxiety rolling off her. Damn. I needed to get better about this. I walked toward the kitchen area, feeling her behind me, and started to get the coffee going in the k-cup machine. She was biting her lip standing beside me, waiting expectedly. 

  


Bella 

  


Damn I'd forgotten how hot he was in a suit. How the hell had I forgotten that? It's only been a month since I saw him last! Nevertheless, there he was, sex in a tie, and I was lusting over him. I thought back to the traitorous feelings I'd had about him coming into town to break up with me after a full week of sex, and decided I didn’t care. If I got to sleep with him a few more times, I'd welcome it. He certainly knew how to satisfy me – as no one else ever really had. 

“So, what’s this about a new project?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Do you need coffee?” 

“No, I just got some.” 

“Ok, well grab it and meet me in the conference room then. We have a few things to go over.” He smirked at me. I wanted to die, or swoon. Either would have been fine. 

I did as he asked, and he was in the conference room shortly after I got there. He sat next to me, the table blocking both of us from view if anyone walked by. The first thing he did was put his hand on my thigh. Oh god, yeah now I was going to die. 

“I saw Mike this morning,” he said quietly. He grabbed his laptop out of his bag, and placed it on the table. “They finally made a decision on the next office location.” 

“Oh?” I couldn’t concentrate with his hand on my leg. His thumb was moving in small circles and I was starting to overheat. His proximity was making me breathless in and of itself; but the hand – oh god, the hand! 

“Yeah, and they want us to run the development and opening of the office,” he finished, swiveling slightly in his chair to look at me. 

For a moment, it didn’t register what he had just said. I stared into his crisp blue eyes for a moment before it dawned on me. “Wait, what?” 

“Mike asked me to facilitate the construction and readying of the new office. And asked me to choose someone in my department to join me. I chose you.” He smiled and my heart plummeted. 

“You want me to help you open a new office? Where?” 

“In Denver, Colorado.” 

“For how long?” 

“Six to ten months. Remember when Eric and I were getting the Orlando location up and running? I was there for just under nine months total.” 

I chewed on my lip. In the same location as Edward for over half a year? How the hell would I even handle that? Maybe it would end up being perfect – like, we grew closer together and were able to actually do something with our relationship. 

Or maybe it will make it even harder when he walks away from me. Eventually he’s going to realize just how bland and boring I am, and it probably will only take one hot, tall blonde to remind him. Seeing him every day for months on end will make it so much harder when I'm left alone. Sure, there’ll be some great sex involved, but for how long? How long can that possibly last before he tires of me? 

“Bella?” Edward asked, breaking into my thoughts. 

“What about my apartment? How does the financial aspect work for this kind of thing?” I asked the stupidest questions. I almost face-palmed myself. 

“Finances are covered by the company for the duration. Jessica is looking for apartments now, and will provide us a food budget and cover utilities as well. We are only responsible for anything fun we want to do.” 

Getting paid my normal salary, being set up in a corporate apartment...spending time with Edward. Sounded like a damn dream come true. 

“I was thinking we could just do one apartment with two bedrooms,” Edward was saying. My eyes shot over to him, but he wasn’t looking at me. “It would be cheaper for the company, and we’d be closer all the time.” 

“That’s a terrible idea, Edward!” I said before thinking. 

His head turned toward me. “Why?” He lowered his voice. “I want to be near you the whole time. I can’t do that if we are in separate apartments.” 

“And how is that going to look? Me shacking up with my boss in the same apartment? Not only will it look terrible from the outside, but the team would get jealous. Did you share an apartment with Eric in Orlando?” 

“No, I didn’t.” 

“Then don’t do anything stupid and ask Jess to find us one! That's asking for people to find out.” This man was going to kill me out of stupidity, I swear to god. “Get separate apartments like normal.” 

“Does that mean you’ll come?” 

I bit my lip again. “Can I think about it? I can tell you tomorrow.” 

“Don’t you want to be in the same state as me, Bella?” Edward asked, his voice still low. His eyes bored into mine and I melted a little. 

“I just need to think about the consequences of a decision like this. I have a life here, Edward. I don’t want to make a rash decision just because you’ll be there.” 

He seemed sad about my statement, but didn't say anything. I left the conference room shortly after that, heading back to my desk to try not to vomit. The nerves were back in full swing. I sent a quick text to Rose, hoping she could help me with this decision. After a little back and forth, she agreed to come over to my apartment just after I got off work. Edward usually stayed late, plus he had to check in to the hotel before coming over anyway. If I was careful, I'd have just enough time. 

I calmed myself down on the ride home. I put the only song on that I knew would help me formulate my thoughts into words, and I sang loudly to Kelly Clarkson’s Behind These Hazel Eyes. While my eyes weren't hazel, the song spoke to me today. 

By the time I got home, the stress was eased a little, but it wasn’t totally gone. I would have to have Rose’s help with this...and hope that we could resolve it before Edward got to my apartment tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And what do we think of Edward’s plan here? Any concerns or red flags? :) 
> 
> Once again, thank you all for reading. I’m up to 13 chapters totally finished, and I'm thinking I may get to 20 maybe...lots to deal with first. 
> 
> Thanks again to my BBB (bestest buddy beta) zombified419 for...well, fucking everything!! The music help, the grammar checks, talking everything out with me. GAH, what on earth would I do without you?? Thank god I don’t have to find out! 
> 
> Please travel over to AO3 and check out her simply amazing Star Wars story Naberrie Blooms. I can’t put this story down; I love it so much!


	6. I'll Cover You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I hope you are enjoying my little story, and the music coming at you. I know that some of these songs are new to me, and I always enjoy finding good stuff to listen to. 
> 
> This chapter only has one song: I’ll Cover You from the musical Rent. 
> 
> If you want to see the specific version, make sure to join the Facebook groups “Cheatward’s Spot” or “It All Started With Twilight”. I post teasers there the day before each chapter posted.

Chapter 6 – I'll Cover You 

  


Bella 

  


I watched the road carefully, terrified that it was going to snow any minute and delay my trip even more. I was a couple hours outside of Denver, Colorado, relocating temporarily as Edward had wanted. Rose was surprisingly unhelpful when I discussed with her, but I couldn’t help but laugh about her assault of Edward. She had still been there when he arrived, and she took advantage of his surprise to clear some things up for me. 

“I just don’t know about this,” I’d said to her. I was nervously checking the time, while Rose mulled over the upcoming move to Colorado. 

“Look, all I'm saying is this is a big deal for your career. So it’s with Edward. Who cares! Go so you can have this on your resume, right? Get some kick ass benefits of living free for half a year. Hell, you could sublet this place and make even more! Think about that, Bells!” 

Just as she finished, there was a knock on the door. I rushed to open it, glancing a warning look at Rose, to let Edward in. He pushed his way in, dropping his bags so he could take me into his arms immediately. I responded, but was still guarded, worried about what was coming. 

“God, I missed you so much. Seeing you all day and not being able to touch you was torture.” He was hugging me tightly, kissing my head, neck and shoulders. I clutched him, watching Rose walk over to us. 

“So, you are the guy who is fucking my best friend. Do you have an explanation for the fact that you allowed this to happen while you are still her boss?” Rose stood next to the door, arms crossed, glaring at him. My face got hot from embarrassment. 

“I’m sorry?” Edward said, taking a few steps back away from me. “Who are you?” 

“I’m Rose, Bella’s best friend. And I'm still waiting for your answer.” She cocked an eyebrow. 

“Well, Rose, it’s nice to meet you. As to your question, I couldn’t help it. I've been in love with Bella for years. I'm sorry it happened while she still reports to me, but I'm not sorry that it happened at all. Does that satisfy your question?” Edward’s stance mirrored Rose, who grinned at me. 

“You love me?” My shock was evident in my voice and on my face. 

Edward turned swiftly to me. “How did you not know that?” 

“You-you never said! I had no idea!” I could feel the tears welling up, and I didn’t care. I just let them fall. “This whole time...you love me?” 

“Baby, come here.” Edward opened his arms to me and I ran into them, crying softly on his shoulder. “Of course I do. I don’t know how you could think anything else. I've tried to show you all the time how I feel.” 

“I didn't know.” 

"Why don't you understand how I feel about you? Do I have to come out and say it?" Edward leaned back, putting his hand on my cheek. 

"Yes! That would be so helpful! I need to hear it." I looked up at him, tears still streaming down my cheeks, falling onto his fingers. “I can’t read your mind, Edward.” 

"I don't understand why words make a difference. Don't I show you how I feel every day?" He looked hurt, and I immediately felt guilty. Rose saved me from apologizing, though. 

“Listen, Edward. I was telling Bella this and now that you are here, and hearing what you have to say, I think it’s 100 percent true. Your love language is showing someone how you feel. Bella has been burned in the past, and she needs the words to know. Now that you both know this of the other, maybe you can work on this better together.” She turned to face me. “My work here is done. Love you sweetie. Call me later this week and tell me what you decide. Ok?” 

“Ok, Rose. Thank you...love you, too.” I disconnected from Edward and hugged her briefly. 

I leaned against the door, after closing it behind Rose. My eyes were still a little watery, but drier than they had been. I stared up at Edward, who was hanging back, still looking mildly hurt. 

“Edward,” I started, but he interrupted me. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were worried about us? How can we make this work without honesty, Bella?” 

“I didn’t know how to ask you,” I whispered, looking down. 

“Bella, you don’t have to hide your fears from me.” He came to stand next to me. “I don’t always say things right, or well. But I will never lie to you. You have to tell me what you want or need. I can’t read your mind either.” 

Nodding, I brushed the tears away again, as he gathered me into his arms. We had passed a hurtle; I knew how he felt now, and he knew what I needed. Everything should be great now, right? 

So, ultimately, that’s what helped me to decide to move to Denver. 

The drive was annoying, but not as bad as it could have been. I hadn’t wanted to rent a car for that long, so I'd opted to get reimbursed for the drive up. I'd spent the night in Albuquerque to split up the long drive. Edward had volunteered to drive with me, but I didn’t want to explain that away. It was fine, really. So far it had been over ten hours of music, and I was so calm I was almost asleep. At least, until I realized that it was early November and I was traveling through a high-altitude area. I had lived in Phoenix my entire life; I didn’t know how to drive through snow. 

So, I gripped the steering wheel, turned off the music and watched the road like a hawk. The next two hours were going to be terrifying. 

  


Edward 

  


This was the best day in the world. I was at my apartment in Denver, having flown in earlier in the day, enjoying a glass of wine waiting for Bella to get in. She was due any time, and I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. After clearing the air when I was in Phoenix a couple weeks ago, things with Bella had gotten even better. Alice was frustrated with me at first for not getting Bella out of my department, but agreed that spending the time in person with her would be beneficial. It would all work out, I was sure of it. 

Taking this job to get the office up and running would be good for Bella’s career. Having the establishment of a major office had to be good on her resume, plus that would enable me to promote her – or work with someone else to promote her – in order to ensure she didn’t report to me anymore. The way I had it figured, in a year she would be working for someone else with a higher paying job, and perhaps more willing to move to Chicago to be with me. 

Yep, I was pretty damn happy. 

I had been keeping an eye out for Bella’s truck – a ten-year-old red Chevy pickup – hoping that she would get here before dinnertime. I had everything ready; I had ordered take out so that I didn’t ruin everything by trying to feed her the crap I make. Being completely inept in the kitchen meant that I was an expert at ordering food. The meal that I had delivered was in the oven, hoping that she showed up soon. 

After about thirty minutes, I saw her truck pull into the parking lot – right as it started snowing outside. Overjoyed by her arrival, I hurried to the front door, grabbing my thick jacket and pulling on my boots, before heading outside to greet her. 

When I got to her truck, she was pulling on her jacket, staring at me with wide eyes. Opening her door, she asked, “Edward? Why are you here?” 

“My apartment is up there. I was waiting for you.” 

She paused for a minute. “I told you not to get an apartment for us to share, Edward! How is that going to look?” 

I shook my head, smirking. “Your apartment is right next door to mine.” 

She looked baffled for a moment, looking up at me with her beautiful brown eyes. “You are ridiculous.” She rolled her eyes, but proceeded out of the cab of the truck. Her eyes widened as she looked up at the sky. “I’ve never seen snow before.” 

“Seriously?” I asked her, shocked. 

“I grew up in Phoenix. How often do you think it snows there?” She turned to me and smiled, before looking back up to the sky. 

I sat back and watched in wonder as she took in the snow falling to the ground. At first, she was looking up into the sky. Then she closed her eyes, just letting the snow hit her face. It was a quiet and peaceful moment, and I loved her even more than I had before. 

“Come on, Bella. Let’s get your stuff and go upstairs. I have dinner for us.” 

She opened her eyes and looked at me, smiling. “Ok.” 

We took up as much as we could carry, deciding to come down for the rest later. After dropping everything off in her apartment, I then let her into mine – which were mirror images. We had a pleasant meal, and Bella told me about her long drive. I took the opportunity to tease her a little about driving instead of getting a shiny new car for a few months – as I had done – and she just stuck her tongue out at me, saying she loved her old truck. 

I opened our second bottle of wine after we had finished eating, and we went to sit next to the window to watch the snow. She still had a look of marvel on her face and I found that I couldn’t watch the snow; I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. 

“You are so beautiful,” I whispered. She turned to face me, a smile playing on her lips. I leaned forward, capturing her lips with mine. She tasted of sweet wine, and the heady flavor of Bella. I found myself hardening at that simple touch. 

Bella stood up, moving closer to me to sit on my lap. I pulled her in closer, kissing her harder. She was moving exactly where I needed her, but I pulled her closer to me. But it wasn’t enough, and certainly not comfortable on the couch. Slowly, I eased my way to a standing position, carrying her with me. I walked slowly toward the bedroom, my mouth still on hers. She giggled into my mouth before I casually dropped her on the bed. Bella scooted into the middle of the bed, leaning up on her elbows, smirking at me. 

I started to take off my clothes, staring at her. “You have never looked more beautiful than you do on my bed, Bella.” She sat up and took her shirt off, before wiggling out of her tight jeans. I quickly shed my clothes, including my boxers, then grabbed a condom from my bag. Once it was on, I practically dove on the bed. Squealing, she put her arms around me and our lips locked again. I kissed and nipped at her mouth, before kissing down her neck. I had noticed that she had a particularly sensitive spot right behind her ear, and would moan louder if I sucked on it. I focused on that spot and her moaning got louder and louder. 

Then, out of nowhere, she pushed me away. Before I could protest, she pushed me down on the bed, and took off her underwear. She still had her bra on, but I made quick work of that as soon as she settled on top of my body. She wiggled around a little, this time causing me to moan, and her grin got wider. 

She leaned down and started kissing me again, while pushing herself up to line me with her. Slowly, she sank down on me, and I was overwhelmed by the feeling of rightness. Her lips continued to move on mine, while her body shifted as well. I was immersed in her; her scent, her flavor and the movement of her body. I wasn’t going to last too long. 

I shifted my hands from her breasts. One I cupped her ass, squeezing and kneading it, and the other went to her clit, circling it around. She moaned again in my mouth, tearing away from kissing me, to rest her head against my shoulder. 

I felt her getting close, and I started to push up harder, keeping my hand on her clit. Soon, she fell, panting in my ear, and I lost it shortly after. We took a few moments to catch our breath, and I just held her close to me. 

“Fuck, Bella.” 

She giggled, leaning up to kiss me. “I should have showered before doing this. I'm all gross from the car ride.” 

“Not gross; beautiful.” 

“I love you so much, Edward.” 

Smiling, I leaned up and captured her mouth. “Same,” I said, whispering in her mouth as I kissed her harder. After a few minutes, we disconnected and cleaned up. When I came out of the bathroom, Bella wasn’t in the bedroom. I found her in the living room leaning against the wall, staring out into the dark sky watching the snow falling again. Coming up behind her, I put my arms around her, nuzzling her neck. 

“Why didn’t you say it back to me?” she asked, not turning around. 

“Say what back?” 

Turning, she looked up at me. I saw sadness in her eyes. “I told you I loved you, and you didn’t say it back. Again.” 

“I told you I loved you,” I argued. Didn't I? 

“No, you said ‘same.’ That’s not the same thing.” 

I sighed. “It’s the same conversation as in Phoenix, Bella. I do feel that way for you. You know I do. I just have a hard time saying the words, I guess.” 

“You guess?” Her eyes dropped. “I need to go get the rest of my things and settle into my apartment.” 

“I’ll help, ok? The snow is getting thick out there.” 

“Ok.” 

I glanced at her several times as we both got dressed, including boots and jackets, to go back out to her truck. She was quiet, and the look on her face had me really worried. But she never said anything more about the conversation. Instead, we took a couple trips to get all of her things upstairs. 

Once we were done, I turned to head back to my apartment expecting her to follow. But she stopped me. 

“Edward, I'm going to my place. I want to unpack and get some things set up. I’ll see you in the morning at the office.” 

Turning, I looked at her. “You don’t want to spend the night?” 

“Not tonight. I’m really tired after the drive, and I have a lot to do here. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She reached up and kissed my cheek, before disappearing into her place. 

Damn. 

  


Bella 

  


“It happened again. Just like the last time?” Rose asked me. I was unpacking, so I had her on speaker filling her in with the details of the evening. 

“Yeah. But this time I asked him about it. He said he had trouble saying the words sometimes. He ‘guessed.’” 

“What do you mean, he ‘guessed?’” she demanded 

“That’s what he said. ‘I have trouble saying the words, I guess.’” 

“Man, I thought I'd really gotten through to him when he was here. Do you want me to call and yell at him again?” 

I sighed, closing the drawer. I had finished putting my clothes away, but there were still a few more boxes to unpack. “No. I need to figure out how to handle this on my own.” 

“Just be honest with him; he has to listen to you, or you can’t be in a relationship with him.” 

“I know.” 

It wasn’t as if he was a bad person, or mean to me. I just had so much trouble believing that he loved me when he would never say it to me. We'd made love, and it was hot and comforting at the same time. It was emotional to me, and I told him how I felt about it. And nothing. 

Maybe he doesn’t actually love you. Rose can be scary; maybe he just said that in front of her so she wouldn’t yell at him again. Maybe he really just wants a long-term fuck buddy, and you were the closest option. Why else would he insist you go to Colorado with him? If he’d chosen Eric or Ben, he wouldn’t have gotten sex for free for several months. 

Also, anyone who is that beautiful can’t be with you for no reason. He has options – way more than you ever did. Plain Janes don’t get options. Adonis’ do, though, and that’s definitely what Edward is. 

“Bella? Did you hear me?” Rose asked, breaking into my thoughts. 

“Sorry, no. I was lost in thought. What did you say?” 

“I was saying that you asked me for a favor. If it’s not yelling at Edward, what is it?” 

“Oh, I almost forgot. The tags for my truck should be coming to my apartment sometime in the next week. The guy I subleted to knows to watch out for it, but I wasn’t comfortable giving him my mailing address. Can you go over there once they arrive and send them up to me?” 

“Sure, that’s no problem. Just text me once you hear from him and I'll take care of it. What’s his name anyway? This is the guy who’s friends with some dude at work, right?” 

“Yeah, his name is Emmett McCarthy. He’s friends with Eric, who’s in my team at work. He needed a place to crash for a few months while his apartment building is being renovated or something. I forget why, but I didn’t really care. He's paying the full rent, so everything I would normally pay is just going into savings. Like you said, I'm going to be totally set for money at the end of this trip.” 

“That’s so great, Bella! Even if nothing else good comes out of this trip, you’ll have all that money. You can buy yourself a new car finally.” 

“Don’t hate the truck, Rosie. You know how much I love it.” 

“Yeah, I know, I know. Maybe a fancy vacation with your best friend then?” 

I laughed, marveling at how great Rose was at calming my moods. Almost as good as cranking up my music. “Sounds like a plan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we go up...we go down. Not quite on the same page yet. Remember that Angst is the first genre for this fic, my friends. But I will always give you a HEA. 
> 
> What are your thoughts of Rose? Anyone excited for Emmett? More from both coming later! 
> 
> Thanks again to my BBB zombified419 for everything under the sun! She’s writing a LOVELY Star Wars fic over on AO3 called Naberrie Blooms. Please check it out, it’s just a wonderful story. 
> 
> More this weekend! Have a great rest of your week!


	7. Head Above Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you are all enjoying the story so far! Let me know in the comments! 
> 
> This chapter’s title comes from Head Above Water by Avril Lavigne. I heard this song recently and am totally addicted to it – the entire album really. I suggest everyone listen! 
> 
> Embedded song is explicit (so warnings on that), but is amazing. I can’t stop listening to Wow, I Hate This Song by The Used. My BBB introduced me to this song, and I'm totally in love. 
> 
> YouTube Playlist for the story: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH 
> 
> Well, we are in Colorado. How do you think it will go? Read on!

Chapter 7 - Head Above Water 

  


Bella 

  


Within the span of a week in Colorado, I was becoming more and more distressed at the direction that our relationship was going. He was almost ruthless in the office. We had so many things to accomplish before the big opening of the office, and he was singularly focused on getting it done. Which, honestly, made sense. The problem is that he would order me around during the day, and then act like none of it happened when we were at his apartment. 

After the first night, I basically slept at his place the whole time. He never asked to stay at mine, and that was fine – I guess – but it did make me wonder why. But as with everything that had happened so far, I really didn’t know how to ask him. Rose had been on me before I'd left to make sure I kept the communication open with him, and I knew she was right. Didn't mean that I knew how to actually do that. 

It was almost four weeks in before I found my voice. One of the decorators in the office had been messing everything up, and Edward was in a super bad mood. During the day he had snapped at me so many times I was about ready to kill him. I decided that I was done with this crap. He can’t be one person in the office, and then act like it never happened when he was cuddling with me at night. 

That night I decided I was going to make my concerns known. After dinner, we were cuddling on the couch and this is when I decided I needed his undivided attention in order to accomplish my tasks. Squaring my shoulders, I shifted so that I was on top of him, legs on either side, and I stared into his beautiful eyes. 

“Edward, we have some things to discuss.” 

He looked confused. I could feel him hardening under me, and I had to put a stop to this before we went too far. I had to get this out. “What...things?” he asked through gritted teeth. 

“One. I love spending time with you, but I can’t do it every single night ok? I still need ‘me’ time. Got it?” He nodded. “Two, I hate eating out, so when we have dinner together, I get to cook.” 

“That’s an easy one to agree to. I hate eating out, too, but I can’t cook,” he whispered, his teeth still clenched. “Anything else, Bella? You are driving me crazy.” 

“Yes. The last ground rule is that you need to start opening up to me about how you are feeling. We can’t let that happen again. I'm working on my honesty, which is why I'm laying ground rules for living next to each other; but you need to as well. 

“And in keeping with that honesty, I have to tell you that you have been an absolute jerk at work lately. It’s very hard on me to have you yelling at me all day and then come back here to forget that it even happened. You were never like this before as my boss, so I don’t know if it’s because we are in the same place all the time now, or if the stress of this job is getting to you. But it just has to stop.” 

He shuffled us back on the couch a little more, leaning back. “Are you worried about us again, Bella?” 

“Ultimately? Yes. If we can’t talk to each other, it will get just as bad as it was before. I was miserable, Edward, and I don’t want to live like that again.” 

“You were...miserable?” Whatever excitement he’d had before was completely gone now. I could tell that I'd touched on a nerve with his comment. “You were miserable because I didn’t tell you how I felt?” 

I nodded, pushing away from him to sit on the couch beside him; I was careful to not touch him, though. “From my perspective, we had sex while drunk, you forced me into telling you how I felt and then nothing. You didn’t tell me you felt the same way, you didn’t say a goddamn thing! And you were my boss, and you were calling the shots. Hell, you made me feel like a child getting scolded by a parent half the time – just like you make me feel as my boss. You were the boss everywhere; you weren’t my boyfriend.” 

He closed his eyes for a moment, and I could tell he was frustrated. In usual Edward fashion, he waited a beat before responding. “I never wanted you to feel that way.” 

“Well, it happened. But now that I know how you actually feel about me, I think we can work on this. But when this Colorado thing is all over, we have to do something about the work situation.” 

Nodding, he scooted closer to me. I was sitting cross legged, so he mirrored my position having our knees touch. He put his hands on my legs. “I agree. I have it all planned out.” 

I stared at him blankly for a minute. “You have what planned out?” 

“How we remedy the situation. A transfer to a new department for you, a promotion maybe. There are some variables, but it will all stem from the work we do here.” 

“You are going to transfer me?” I asked, my eyes going wide. 

“Yeah, it’s the easiest answer. That way we can get you a better paying job, more prestige, and so on.” He smiled nicely at me. “It’s the best thing for both of us.” 

I was going to kill him. And this time, I wasn’t going to be timid about anything. In Florida I had felt sad and hurt, but now I was just pissed. I got off the couch and started pacing through the living room trying to formulate my next words. 

“Bella? What's wrong?” He had gotten up to stand in front of me, halting my progress. 

“You jackass,” I said, spinning around to stare at him. “How dare you make decisions for my future.” 

“What do you mean? I was doing this to help us out!” 

“No, you were doing this to help yourself out! You could have worked to get yourself transferred, but no. I have to be. Because I'm not as important, right Edward? Because in your head it’s less impactful for your life if I'm gone, right?” 

“Bella, no, please...” He reached out to grab my hand, but I jerked it away. “Please, please, that’s not what I meant.” 

“Really? Because it seems perfectly obvious to me.” I sighed, feeling mixed up inside. The anger was churning for this beautiful, stupid man, and I needed to get away. “I’m going back to my apartment and I do not want you to follow me. Not that it matters, you clearly don’t like my place anyway. Stay here, find something other than me to do. I need a break from you to start thinking correctly.” 

He called after me, but I was already halfway to the door. I grabbed my purse and let myself out into the hallway, marching over to my apartment in a huff. But as soon as the door shut, I regretted almost everything that I'd said. I slid down the front door, covering my hands and started to weep. Why did love have to be so damn hard all the time? 

You know perfectly well...because it’s not love. You thought he was hot, but he was bored – probably – and wanted a good fuck. There's nothing really substantial beneath your relationship. That's why it’s so hard. You can’t maintain something like this and expect it to be easy. Get out now while you still can. 

There was a soft knock on my door, jarring me out of my self-pity. 

“Bella, baby, please. Let me in so we can talk some more?” 

I wasn’t quite out of the woods with my anger, so I focused on it and stood up, wrenching the door open. “Did you not hear me? I said to not follow me. I need some time alone!” 

“But you didn’t let me talk. Don't you want to hear what I have to say?” His eyes were sorrowful, and I almost caved. Almost. 

“Honestly, Edward? Right now, no I don’t. I need to get my own head on straight before I listen to what you have to say. Maybe it’s wrong, and maybe it’s better to hear you out. But right now, at this moment, I can’t do that. I have to not look at you for a little while to figure out the difference between my boss Edward, and my boyfriend Edward. You are the same person right now. That's dangerous for me, and for you.” 

“Baby, I just want to make this better. Please?” 

“Make it better by listening to me. You can’t fix everything just because you want to. I’m in the relationship too, right? I’m asking for some time. Let. Me. Be.” 

I closed the door and he knocked again. Then, again a couple minutes later. I was going to kill him. I pulled the door open with a bang, and it landed on the door stopper on the wall in a rush. 

“You can’t just take five minutes to listen to me?” 

That was it. That was IT. “This entire relationship so far has been about you. So, no, I'm not taking five minutes to listen to you. For once in my life, I will take five fucking minutes to myself instead! Get out, and I swear to god if you knock again until I'm ready to talk to you, I'll call the cops – or your boss.” 

I leveled him with my glare, and he backed off. I tried not to let his heart broken face deter my resolve as I slammed the door shut again. I heard his footsteps retreat toward his apartment, then I heard the door shut. I'd hurt him; that much was obvious. But if he had just backed down when I'd asked him to, then maybe I wouldn’t have had to take it that far. 

Walking through my apartment, I made my way to the bedroom. I needed to think; breathe and just figure out what the hell I was going to do now. 

  


Edward 

  


My heart was shattering at her words. The only thing I could think of to do was retreat back to my apartment and call Alice. I was over my head; no one had ever challenged me as Bella did. I must be doing something wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what that was. 

“Hey, Edward. How’s Colorado?” Alice said, answering on the second ring. 

“Could be better.” 

“I know that voice. What did you do?” 

“Nothing! At least, I don’t think I did anything. But Bella is mad – like, really mad. I need help to know how to fix this.” I relayed the entire conversation, and Alice was quiet for a few moments. “Well? What do I do?” 

“Bella’s right. You are a jackass.” 

“What? You are my sister! Aren't you supposed to be on my side?” 

“Oh, for god’s sake. I'm on the side of whoever is correct and that, dear brother, is not you in this case.” Before I could argue, she continued. “Let’s go down the list here. First, without talking to her you made a decision on how the whole boss/employee situation would be remedied. Then, when she got upset about that and asked you to give her time, you followed her to her apartment trying to force a conversation you knew she didn’t want. Not to mention being a jerk to her at work, and then pretending it was all fine at home. Did I miss anything?” 

I was quiet, not sure how to answer. When she put it like that, it did make me sound like a jackass. 

“Now I take it from the silence that you understand what I'm saying to you?” 

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “I wasn’t doing anything to hurt her, Alice. I love her.” 

“Have you told her that?” 

“In Phoenix, yeah.” 

“No, Edward. You told her friend in Phoenix. Have you actually said those words to Bella herself? Unprovoked, out of nowhere and from the heart?” 

I had nothing to say again; because I knew I hadn’t. 

Alice sighed. “You are a fucking mess, brother. How the hell did I not know you weren’t capable of expressing love to someone?” 

“Now just wait a minute. Of course I am!” 

“Are you? Then what’s stopping you?” 

“It’s just words! People have said it to me in the past and then turned around and made sure it was clear that they didn’t love me. I show Bella every day that I love her!” 

“Do you? Was it love that was making you yell at her at work? Was it love in not respecting her decision for a time out?” 

“Alice...” I warned, but she kept on talking. 

“You called me for advice, so here it is. Leave her alone! If you have a chance in hell of this working, you have to respect her. Right now, I don’t think that you do. You didn’t talk to her about transferring, you went after her when she asked you not to...you don’t respect her wishes or her boundaries. Leave her be, and let her dictate the future of this relationship. You are officially not qualified to do that!” 

Alice had given me a lot to think about, and unfortunately that meant I wasn’t able to sleep that night. I could hear music coming from Bella’s apartment – because my bedroom wall bordered hers – and I listened to it well into the evening before it became quiet. 

She had told me about her one playlist that she listened to when she was frustrated, and I recognized most of the songs on it that were playing. It hurt even more to know that she was angry with me, and the music proved it. She usually just let the music go, but tonight she kept replaying one song over and over. I’d never heard of it before Bella, but it was catchy. The song was by The Used, called Wow, I Hate This Song. It was amusing the first time I'd heard it, but this time it just emphasized how upset she was, and that it had been me who had made her feel that way. 

Frustrated, I ran my hand through my hair. I sat down on my couch, staring out the window and tried to figure out what to do. The work stuff was hard, because it was a strain on me. I'd gone through this with the Orlando office, and I knew being on time, and within budget, was critical. So far there had been one delay after another. But if I was being honest with myself, I was taking it out on Bella. I knew how unfair that was of me to do, but I hadn’t done it on purpose. 

My phone beeping brought me out of my brooding. I glanced down to see one of my coworkers had texted me. 

Tyler: Yo, Ed man. Me and a couple of the construction guys are going out for a few drinks. Wanna join us? 

I thought it over for about five seconds. 

Me: Yeah, man, I could really use a drink. 

I made arrangements with Tyler to meet up at a local bar, and I made my way there. I wanted to ask Bella if she wanted to come with me, but I needed to respect her choice – just as Alice had said. Without saying anything to her, I left my apartment and made my way to the bar. 

Hanging out with the guys had been fun, and it was most definitely what I'd needed. I'd ended up drinking way more than I had originally intended, so Tyler had insisted that I get a cab back home. I’d have to pick up my car the next day. It was Friday, so that wasn’t a big deal. Bella could probably take me over in the morning. 

I walked into the building in a total fog, alcohol completely impairing my judgement. As I stumbled upstairs, I glanced over at Bella’s door, veering toward it instead of going into my own apartment. I knocked loudly on the door, leaning against the wall to keep steady. 

A few minutes later, Bella opened the door with a weary face. My love for her swelled within me, and I couldn’t stop myself. 

“Bella, fuck, I just need you so much right now,” I slurred, pushing into her apartment. I heard her sigh behind me. I stumbled a little inside turning swiftly to try and put my arms around her. 

“Edward, you’re drunk. Go home.” She dodged me and stood in front of me with her hands on her hips. 

“But I need you,” I slurred again, weaving toward her again. She expertly avoided me, stepping to the side. I noticed that she hadn’t closed the door. 

“And I told you I wanted space. Go home and we can talk later, ok?” 

“I don’t want to go home without you. I want you next to me all night.” 

“Get used to disappointment.” I jerked my head up and looked her in the eye. There was anger there, and I couldn’t understand why. 

“But I love you and I want you.” I sank to the ground. “I don’t want to live without you.” 

She sighed again, closing the door quietly. She sank down to the floor next to me. “And do you know how much I wish you could say that to me when you weren’t drunk? I can’t take anything you say now seriously, which means we are right back to where we started.” 

I looked her in the eye again. “How do I fix this?” 

“By leaving me alone and letting me decide what I want to do next. You can’t fix this, not entirely. Before we can even hope to fix anything, I need to figure out what I really want. Right now, in this moment, I have no clue. You aren’t giving me the space I asked for so that I can figure it all out.” 

My head lowered, pain etching through my body like I was being hit by a thousand icicles. Bella stood up, then leaned down and helped me to my feet. She grabbed her keys, opened the door and helped me stumble to my apartment. Unlocking my door, she helped me into my room. After taking off my shoes, she helped me into bed. 

“Stay with me?” I begged, reaching my hand out to her. 

“Not tonight. Sleep it off and I'll let you know if I'm ready to talk tomorrow.” 

Watching her leave my apartment crushed me. I curled in on myself and felt the depression settle in on me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELLLLL, Edward has sort of stepped in it now. Not that he hadn’t before, but still. Thoughts on the interaction? They just aren’t quite on the same page yet! I promise to all of you, though, a HEA will definitely come. Looks like around 19 chapters at this point (I’ve gotten 17 written already). So much to come yet – stick with me! 
> 
> Thanks as always to my BBB (bestest buddy beta) zimbified419! If you are reading this on AO3, flip over to her lovely Star Wars story Naberrie Blooms. It’s just so amazing. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Have a wonderful weekend!


	8. One Fine Wire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thank you all for coming back and continuing to read my little story. Remember the angst? Yeah, we get a little more of it in this chapter. Just remember: HEA will always be a part of my stories. We just need to get there first. 
> 
> This chapter title is taken from the song One Fine Wire by Colbie Caillat. It’s a lovely song that I’ve been listening to for years; please check it out and enjoy! The embedded song within this chapter is Mr. Brightside by The Killers. A fun little song that we explore the meaning of in this chapter. 
> 
> YouTube playlist link reminder: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 8 – One Fine Wire 

  


Bella 

  


I was sitting on the edge of a large abyss, afraid that I would fall in. Everything was just going to hell, faster than I could manage. My head was warring with my heart. No matter what I did, I couldn’t satisfy them both. 

My heart wanted Edward. 

My head was still pissed. 

After the disastrous night where he showed up drunk, he had stayed away. At least he remembered enough of that night to realize that he couldn’t just come over. I heard him over there now and then, but I ignored him and he ignored me. Eventually we’d have to talk outside of work, but I didn't even know how to start this conversation. 

The problem is that I still had to work with him. And I had to do what he told me to. He would give me instructions, and I had to follow them. It was the same every day. He was not angry, but he was cold; short with his words. And every day I tried not to die a little bit more. I spoke to Rose often about the situation; she was great at listening, but wasn’t sure what to do either. 

My heart was breaking as I went through the week. When I would leave in the morning, his car was already gone. When I got home, he wasn’t there yet. Sometimes I would see him come home late, but I never approached him. 

It wasn’t until Friday that week that I started to become suspicious. I was working with the electrical engineering company on the conference room set-up when an issue came up. I wasn’t sure how to handle it, so I went to the office that Edward had set up in only to see him with a tall, strawberry blond woman. She was wearing extremely tight clothing, and twenty-inch heels, towering over Edward, leaning against the desk slightly. He was laughing at something she’d said, staring up at her with open admiration. 

My teeth ground together and I saw red, turning on my heel and walking away. Rather than actually go inside his office with this amazon woman, I decided to send him an email. I wrote up the issue and hit send, sitting back in my chair and chewing my lip. The plan backfired. Edward wrote back immediately asking me to come to his makeshift office. 

I stood on shaky feet and made my way over there. The amazon woman was still there, smirking at something Edward had just said. I knocked lightly to indicate I was there, since it appeared that they only had eyes for each other. 

“Oh, Bella, great. Come on in.” Edward motioned toward me. I walked in slowly and sat down at the chair on the other side of his desk. “This is Tanya Denali. She’s the head decorator. Since the issue you have deals with the aesthetic, I thought you two should meet.” 

“Hello Bella. It’s nice to meet you.” The amazon woman, Tanya – GAH, even her name was impressive – smiled down at me, and I tried not to throw up. 

“Hi, Tanya. Nice to meet you, too.” 

“Bella, can you explain the issue again so that Tanya could hear it?” 

I went through the details again, and they both listened quietly. Unfortunately, the issue I had raised meant that they had more to discuss regarding the overall design of the office and suites needed. They went back and forth, almost finishing each other's sentences, while I sat quietly and watched. My stomach hurt the longer that I was in the room with them. 

Finally, after what felt like a year, they came to a conclusion and gave me the instruction I needed. I bid them goodbye and almost ran out of the office. I went back to work and tried to put the entire thing behind me. The day drug on for me, but finally it was time to leave. On my way out, I noticed that Tanya was still in Edward’s office, leaning over his desk looking at blueprints on his desk. I ran out of the office, not looking back, and not caring if anyone saw the distress clear on my face. 

When I got home, I texted Rose asking her to call me when she was off work. She worked at a local body shop, and didn’t typically have the same hours I did. I couldn’t just call her for fear of interrupting anything. Luck was on my side this time, since she called me immediately. 

“What did he do now?” she demanded, her voice stern. 

“I don’t know if he did anything, necessarily,” I said, sighing as I sat down on my couch. “But he was a little too close to this really hot interior designer slash amazon lady in his office today. They spent the entire day together. I had to go in there at one point, and I swear they were finishing each other’s sentences. It made me want to barf.” 

“When was the last time you actually talked to him? Not at work, I mean.” 

“About a week ago when he showed up drunk.” 

Rose sighed, and all anger left her body. “Have you tried to talk to him?” 

“I don’t know if I'm ready yet.” 

“Well, maybe you should get ready.” 

I chewed on my lip. “Why?” 

“Because otherwise your brain is going to make up reasons that they were together. Remember the problem you two have always had with honesty. You can’t let it sit or it gets worse in your head.” 

She was right, and she and I both knew it. My imagination was already running wild at the different sexual positions I was sure they’d used, what brand of condom she preferred, and how much more beautiful he thought she was than me. 

“But I haven’t spoken to him all week. Seeing him today with her...I’m just supposed to walk up to him and demand to know what he’s doing with her?” 

“Bella...” Rose paused, clearly trying to determine what to say next. “Do you still love him?” 

“Of course I do!” I said, without pause. “It’s not that simple.” 

“It’s never simple when love is involved, sweetie. But the truth of it is that if you do still love him then you need to make a decision.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Is he worth fighting for.” 

Rose gave me a lot to consider. I ate a quick meal of leftover spaghetti that I'd made myself the night before, then I went to soak in the bathtub. I needed to think, so I turned to music to help guide me. I decided instead of picking something specific, that I'd just hit play on my music player and see what came up. 

The first song was a melodic version of a classic song I'd heard as a kid. My mother always listened to piano and cello themed music - I couldn’t place the name of the artist, but I knew the music to be Claire De Lune. The next song, though, stuck in my throat. 

Mr. Brightside by The Killers. 

Of all the damn songs to play right now! My playlist was mocking me by putting this song on. The situation with Edward was different than what he was describing in the song, but it really did feel like the singer was imagining what he was singing about anyway. At least, that was my interpretation. Like, he lost the woman he loved to someone else and he was just thinking of what could be happening, maybe? 

I think there is interpretation you could take on most music. Some were more obvious than others, of course, but some were sort of what you make of them. Because music was so important to my life, I tended to overanalyze the lyrics. Probably more than others did. 

What this song made me think of was all the possibilities of what Edward was doing right now with the amazon woman – I couldn’t even think about her name without getting sick to my stomach. I knew that Rose’s advice was correct, and I should definitely do that. I just simply didn’t know how to begin that conversation. 

For the last week, I'd thought about nothing more than the situation with Edward. No matter how much I loved him, I just had to admit that we weren’t on the same page. It was like we weren’t speaking the same language. And I had no clue how to remedy that. 

  


Edward 

  


The last week had been pure torture. Bella was literally feet away from me at all times, but I couldn’t touch her, talk to her...be around her at all. Other than work. That was my solace at the moment. At least work could keep me busy and out of my head, and I was able to see her – my reason for existing at this point in time. 

After I woke up from the horrible night drinking, everything from the night before had come back to me. I was appalled by my behavior and honestly sickened by the fact that Bella had to see me like that. Hell, I'd grabbed at her like I was a mugger on the street! The embarrassment hit me so hard that it was almost easy to avoid her after that. There was simply no way for me to atone for those actions. 

So, I threw myself into work. I worked long hours, getting to the office by 7 am and not leaving before 7 pm. It was helping the work get done faster, but it wasn’t helping my mood at all. There was always something going wrong, or something that needed my attention, and because of my extra focus the last week I'd gotten more accomplished than I had since I'd gotten there. 

But Bella was always on my mind. She was quiet in the office, only speaking to me when necessary. And I hardly ever heard her in her apartment. Every now and then I heard music coming through, but most of the time I couldn’t place it. I avoided her on purpose, hoping that one day she would come to me and be ready to talk. 

I hadn’t called Alice to tell her what was going on. I couldn’t bear to hear the disappointment in her voice – even though she would be totally justified. I went over and over everything I'd done and said, and I knew exactly where I had gone wrong. But how do I fix it? 

I shook my head, staring outside my apartment window. There just didn’t seem to be an answer. I had to let her decide to talk to me, not the other way around. I’d fucked this whole thing up by my own behavior, and I was going to let her call the shots in our relationship. 

But, fuck me, I missed her so badly. 

  


Bella 

  


After the bath, I got some yoga pants and an oversized shirt on. I sat in my living room for almost 30 minutes before I'd gathered enough courage to go over to his apartment. I'd watched him come home earlier, and he had been alone. I just prayed that he still was. If she was there with him, I’d have my answer. And then I would run home, throw up, and probably quit my job just to get away from Edward. 

But I couldn’t think about that eventuality. I squared my shoulders and knocked on his door. I bit my lip; nervous he wouldn’t want me there. He opened the door cautiously, and offered me a smile. 

“Bella, thank god. Please, come in.” He opened the door wide, and I slipped inside, nerves still in fire. 

Once inside, Edward led me to the living room. I could see a bottle of wine and one glass – not two! – and I was concerned again. If he was already drinking... 

“Can I get you a glass? I just poured myself one. Been a long week.” 

“Uh, sure.” I sat down awkwardly, still not entirely sure how to start this conversation. 

Edward went into the kitchen and grabbed another wine glass from the cupboard. He came back out and poured me a glass silently. For a few moments I tried to be strong and remember the speech I had practiced; I sipped the wine just as silently. We didn’t say anything, but soon Edward was pouring more wine in our glass. And then another. Before I knew it, my vision was cloudy. 

Edward smiled at me, and I smiled back. We were both getting a little drunk. I was already fuzzy on why I had come over here in the first place. When he reached for my hand, I grabbed it and squeezed. He pulled me and I came willingly to his lap. Both of his arms came around me, hugging me tight as his lips descended on my neck. 

Why did I come over? 

An alcohol fog enveloped my brain as I struggled to breathe. His lips kissed and nipped at my neck, my ear, my shoulders, and finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I shifted so that I was facing him, taking his lips with mine. He moaned into my mouth, deepening the kiss. As our tongues started a losing battle with the other, his hands came up to my back, bringing my shirt up. I separated our mouths briefly, raising my arms so that he could take the shirt off. I hadn’t put on a bra, so his hands went immediately to my breasts. His touch was light; feathery. And it caused my breath to hitch. 

I ground into him, desperately needing friction between my legs. Heat was surrounding me and I was getting overheated just by him being as close as he was. Edward leaned forward, circling his arms around me, lifting me up as he stood. My legs circled his and my kisses became insistent. The fire was raging, and I needed him now more than I had ever needed anyone. A week without his kisses had compounded on me and I couldn’t stop the craving. 

My hands started pulling at his shirt, and Edward stumbled a little. He pushed me against the wall in the hallway, attacking my mouth without abandon. I pulled at his shirt and somehow managed to get it off, but I gasped when his naked chest pressed up against mine. His mouth moved from mine down my neck again, as his hands pulled on my yoga pants. I straightened my legs, and he lowered me to the ground. I shimmied out of the pants, taking my underwear with me, as Edward did the same – his lips still connected with my neck. 

He reached for me again once I was naked, reconnecting our mouths and lifting me up again. I circled my legs around his body, aching for him. He didn’t waste any time, shoving himself into me in one clean stroke. I gasped into his mouth, sucking on his tongue. He moaned and started to move inside me, still pressing me up against the wall. 

The alcohol was fueling me; guiding me. I wasn’t thinking logically, I was just feeling. All I could do was focus on how he was making me feel, how right it always felt being in his arms, and just how much I loved him. 

Edward continued to pound into me, shoving me roughly against the wall; I loved every second of it. This is the Edward that I loved; he was controlling now and then, but when he took control over my body in bed it was an entirely different feeling. Edward ordering me around at work, or telling me what to do in my home life was just angering. This was the only way I wanted or needed his control. 

“Fuck, Bella,” Edward moaned, shoving into me harder. “God, baby, I missed you so much.” 

I hummed in agreement, unable to formulate words to respond. I was climbing higher and higher, just almost ready to fall over the edge. Edward shoved into me one more time and I lost it, right as he moaned his release into me. 

We continued to kiss slowly, coming down from our mutual high. He broke from my mouth, kissing down my neck again. 

“I don’t want to let you go,” he whispered into my ear, before taking my lobe into his mouth. 

I shivered at the contact, and I felt the alcohol fog start to lift. I released my legs and Edward slid me down to the ground, finally disconnecting from my skin. I turned away, feeling the embarrassment and shame start to slide in where passion and love had been shortly before. 

Silently, I turned away and grabbed my underwear and pants, sliding them on before walking over to the couch to get my shirt. Once I was clothed, I turned back to Edward, who had also dressed. He was leaning against the wall where he had taken me just moments before, his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Why did you come, Bella?” 

I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. “I wanted to talk to you. I had some things I wanted to say.” I glanced around, not sure what I was looking for. “I didn’t intend for this to happen.” 

My eyes were still down, but I heard him approach. His hands reached out to my cheeks, lifting my head and forcing me to look at him. “I didn’t either, but I'm not sorry. I wasn’t lying; I really did miss you.” His thumbs rubbed along my cheekbones. “Please, Bella. Don’t leave; let’s talk for a while. Tell me what you can do to fix this.” 

I sighed. This was why I had come over. Though I had messed everything up by basically attacking him, I still needed to talk through everything with him. 

“If we are going to be together, Edward, we have to set some ground rules.” I pulled myself away from him, walking to the couch and sitting down. He sat next to me, reaching out to hold my hand. 

“Ok. Let’s hear them.” 

I took a deep breath. “First, you can’t make decisions about me or my life. As my boyfriend I will ask you for help if I need it, but I don’t need you to solve my problems for me – and especially, without me.” 

He nodded. “Such as talking about transferring you to a different department.” 

“Why didn’t you just talk to me about the work situation, Edward? You know I'm smart enough to realize that in order for us to work as a couple I couldn’t report to you any longer.” 

He let go of my hand, sitting back against the couch. He ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know! My sister even told me to do that. I guess I just wanted to fix everything and not cause you any stress.” 

“Edward; you talked to your sister about this, but not me?” 

“My twin sister; I don’t keep anything from her.” 

I stared at him. “This is my life, Edward. You can’t just make decisions without me,” I whispered. I was starting to get emotional, and that wasn’t going to help me in this situation at all. 

“I know, Bella, I know. I am so sorry.” He reached for my hand again, but this time I pulled it away from him. 

“Will you promise me that you won’t do that again?” 

“I don’t want to cause you stress, Bella. I just wanted to help.” His eyes were pleading with me, and I understood finally. The answer to my question was no because he would always try do what was best, whether I had a say or not. 

I stood up, feeling defeated and stupid for even coming over. “I shouldn’t have come.” 

“No, Bella, please don’t go. I can do better, baby, I promise,” he pleaded. He got up and came to stand next to me. This time he was careful not to touch me; maybe he could sense my rage. 

“Can you? I just asked if you would promise me not to do it again and your response was that you didn’t want to cause me stress.” I stepped closer to him, putting my hand on his cheek. “You didn’t promise because you can’t. You will always try to do what’s best, even if it’s not what I want.” 

He leaned into my hand, kissing my palm. I could see tears brimming in his eyes. “Please, Bella. I don’t want this to end.” 

Sighing, I removed my hand. “I need more time. This isn’t what I thought it was going to be.” 

I turned on my heel and walked toward the door. I heard him whisper my name again, but I was too far gone to stop. I left his apartment, just barely closing the door on my own before I started sobbing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, you guys are totally going to hate this right? Just remember, they aren’t on the same page yet. Sometimes you have to work to build into something; and that’s what they need to do. 
> 
> More coming soon, I promise! Thanks to all of your reviews! 
> 
> Speaking of reviews!! Please, please leave me one – if I get a lot, I'll post the next chapter early. This fic is 99.99% complete (written and beta’d), so I just need a tiny bit of extra motivation to post even more chapters, more often for you guys. Bring it on and let’s keep this going! 
> 
> Thanks as always to my BBB (bestest buddy beta) for helping me with everything under the sun, including this little fic of mine. Love you more than words can say, zombified419!! If anyone is interested in a wonderful Star Wars story, travel over to AO3 and read Naberrie Blooms. I know you’ll love it. 
> 
> See you all again soon!


	9. Jar of Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! Extra chapter posting this week as a result :) 
> 
> I will post the next chapter on Sunday! I hope you enjoy a little extra this week. 
> 
> This chapter’s song is Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. It’s definitely a great song. 
> 
> YouTube Playlist reminder: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

Chapter 9 – Jar of Hearts 

  


Bella 

  


I sat back in the uncomfortable airplane seat, watching the city of Phoenix getting bigger as we descended. I’d flown out of the Denver airport as soon as I could get a ticket. Not wanting to talk to him, I had texted Edward saying I was going home for a week, using my vacation time. He had told me no problem and that he’d cover for me, but that was the extent of our conversation. I was grateful that he’d left me alone, honestly. The intensity of last Friday’s encounter with him still weighed heavily on me. 

When I'd gotten back to my apartment, I had immediately called Rose. I cried on the phone to her for over an hour before she finally got the full story out of me. The vacation time had been her idea, telling me that I needed space away from him. 

“Spend some of that money you are saving, sweetie. You have a spot in my guest room as long as you need it.” She hadn’t minced words, and had practically forced me to get the ticket. Not that I was complaining. The farther I got from Denver, the better I felt. I needed space from Edward right now to really sort out my feelings. 

Once the plane landed, I grabbed my carryon and practically ran to the car rental area. I got my car and raced to my apartment. Emmett worked during the day, so I was sure he wouldn’t be there. I wanted to pick up a couple things that I had boxed up and left in the closet. I probably should have called or texted first, but I hadn’t thought about it. 

But when I walked into my apartment, I regretted not texting. 

“Oh, god, Bella! What are you doing here?” Rose yelped, covering her naked body with my grandmother’s afghan. Emmett scrambled to get off of her, covering himself with the pillows on my couch. 

I turned around to face the door. “Rose? Emmett? How the hell did this even happen?” I heard shuffling behind me – hopefully they were getting clothes on. 

“Uh, we met when I came over to pick up the tags for your truck,” Rose explained, still sounding out of breath. “We hit it off and, well, we started seeing each other.” She made a couple of shuffling noises again, and then I heard her walking toward me. “I thought you were going to let me know when you landed.” 

“I was just going to stop by and pick up a few things while Emmett was at work. I was going to call you after.” 

“I don’t work on Sunday; sorry.” 

I lowered my head; I was really a stupid person. “I totally forgot that it was Sunday, guys. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s your apartment, no harm,” Emmett said, laughing. “Sorry you had to see my ass, though. It’s covered now if you wanna turn back around.” 

I turned around to look at the two of them. Emmett’s dimples were showing through his grin, and Rose just looked remorseful. “I should have called. I am sorry I interrupted.” 

“It’s cool, we were done anyway, weren’t we Rosie?” 

Rose’s face reddened and I almost gasped in shock. I'd never seen anything make Rose embarrassed before. “Come on, Bella, let’s sit down. I know you didn’t come all the way down here to talk about Emmett and me,” Rose said, putting her arm around me, completely sidestepping his question. 

I eyed my couch suspiciously, turning toward the kitchen instead. I sat down at my small table, and Rose sat down opposite me. Emmett busied himself in the kitchen, but I ignored him. I focused on my best friend. 

“Are you ok?” she asked, her eyes concerned. 

That's all it took for me to burst into tears. Rose got up and pushed her chair next to mine, putting her arms around me. No one said anything for a while, but Emmett produced a cup of coffee and a plate of crackers in front of me. 

“It’s all I have, sorry,” he explained. 

“It’s ok, Em. That was very thoughtful.” Rose squeezed me a little tighter. “Bella, honey, are you hungry?” 

I shook my head. 

“Do you want some coffee?” 

I shook my head again. 

Emmett came over to my other side, squatting next to me. “Bella, do you want to tell us what happened with this guy?” 

I hiccupped and nodded. I hadn’t known Emmett for longer than one meeting before I moved, but he seemed really nice. Rose was a hard person to get to know, and if she trusted him then I did. 

Through the course of the next couple hours, the whole story came out. I started at the beginning, even though Rose already knew all of that, just so that Emmett could be up to speed as well. When I got to the drunken visit from Edward, Emmett looked pissed. But when I told them how last Friday had gone, he looked almost embarrassed for me. 

“You slept with him?” he asked, shocked. “After everything that’s happened?” 

I kept my head down, staring at the table. “I would love to say the alcohol played a part, but in truth...I just missed him.” 

“What?” Rose and Emmett asked at the same time. 

Lifting my head, I looked up at them. Rose had shifted back to the other side of the table, and Emmett was standing behind her, his arms leaning on the back of the chair. They both looked shocked. 

“You have to understand. I don’t have a lot of friends; Rose knows this. Edward and I have worked together for five years. Yes, he’s my boss, but he’s also my friend. I've been in love with him for probably 4 out of the 5 years we’ve worked together. I don’t go days without talking to him, ever. A whole week was almost torture.” 

Rose nodded, though Emmett didn’t look convinced. “That’s totally understandable. The alcohol probably just got rid of the inhibitions a little, making you feel like it wasn’t as big of a deal. And I know you still love him, even if you don’t want to.” 

“But he’s really never told you how he feels?” Emmett asked. I noticed that he was idly playing with Rose’s hair, and if I hadn’t been so upset, I would have smiled at the sweet gesture. 

“He told Rose that he loved me, but he’s never said those words to me, no.” 

“He sounds like a tool, Bella.” 

“He’s a kind man,” I argued. 

“Is he? What kind of man doesn’t tell the woman he loves that he, well, that he loves her?” 

Rose grabbed his hand. “Not all men are as open with their feelings as you are, Em.” 

“Well, then they are dicks. If you love someone, you tell them. You want me to fly up there and beat it out of him, Bells? I’ll totally do that.” 

I blanched a little at Rose’s nickname for me coming out of his mouth. Just how close were they? 

Shaking my head, I said, “No, it wouldn’t help.” 

“I’m just saying. I can make the dick talk.” 

I smiled at him, understanding why Rose liked him so much. He was like a loveable child, but seemed fiercely protective. And he hadn’t even known me very long. 

Emmett ordered dinner for us, and was successful in changing the subject. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but the evening was actually really fun. He told some crazy stories about him and his friends at college, making Rose and I laugh most of the evening. After a couple hours, Rose and I decided to head back to her apartment. We were on our way out when Rose went to Emmett’s side to say goodbye. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” 

“You can’t stay tonight?” 

“No, I need to be with Bella while she’s here.” 

“That’s a whole week, babes.” He frowned, sticking his bottom lip out like a child. Rose laughed, leaning in and kissing him. 

“You’ll get over it, I'm sure. So, lunch tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, I'll grab you a burger and meet up at the shop around noon.” 

“Perfect.” She leaned in and kissed him again, before turning around to face me. I was starting to feel guilty as we made our way to the parking lot. 

“It’s ok if you want to stay here, Rose. I don’t mind.” 

“Oh, he’s being a big baby. He'll be fine for a week. I haven’t seen you in forever. This week is for us, ok? I have to work tomorrow but I got the rest of the week off. This truck is almost done, and I know for sure I'll finish it by the end of the day.” 

I linked my arm with her, smiling again. “Thank you, Rose. You didn’t need to do that.” 

“I wanted to. I got us spa days, hair appointments, and tickets to a comedy show on Thursday. This is going to be a fun week before you go back to hell.” 

My smile got bigger as we neared our cars. It was good to be back. 

  


Edward 

  


I poured myself another glass of wine as I sat on my bed. I'd turned on the TV to a movie, but I wasn’t watching it. I emptied the bottle into my glass and gulped it down, almost not tasting it. I hadn’t heard from Bella since she went home; not that I had expected to. Last week’s visit had gone so horribly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she never spoke to me again. 

Although, it wasn’t as though I had forced her into having sex with me. I just hadn’t done anything to improve our fucked up relationship. After she had left, I'd finished off another bottle of wine and poured myself into bed. I had woken up after one to a text from Bella saying she was taking the whole next week off. I drug myself out of bed and into the shower before I responded to her. 

By midweek after she had left, I was at my end with what to do. That’s when I called Alice. 

“I decided that I’m going to come and visit you. I want to meet Bella, and clearly you need my help,” Alice said, instead of saying hello. 

“Bella’s not here right now.” 

“And where is she?” 

I sighed. “She went home for the week.” 

“It’s Wednesday. When is she coming back? I couldn’t possibly be there until next week at earliest anyway.” 

“I honestly don’t know.” 

“Uh, what do you mean you don’t know? Shouldn't you, as her boyfriend, be talking to her while she’s gone?” 

I scratched the back of my neck. “She’s trying to figure things out.” 

“What did you do this time!” Alice sounded exasperated. 

“I messed up, but I wasn’t trying to do anything wrong, Alice. I love her! I want her with me, and for some reason everything I do is wrong.” 

“So, you are saying that she is looking for you to do things wrong?” 

“It feels like that sometimes. I can’t win, no matter what I do.” 

“I’ll be there next Tuesday. Take Wednesday off, ok? I want to hear the details of what’s going on.” 

“I’d never fight you, Ali. I’ll take the day off.” 

“Good.” 

Once I was off the phone with Alice, I glanced back down and hovered over the call icon on Bella’s contact page. Instead, I selected the text icon. 

Me: I miss you, baby. When you get back, please come and see me. 

  


Bella 

  


“Stop it, you’re going to ruin my eye makeup!” I said, wiping carefully under my eyes. Emmett had decided to come along with us to dinner on Wednesday evening. He continued the barrage of stories, and Rose and I were laughing so hard we were hardly even eating. 

“No, wait, there was this one time...” And he was off on another story. Rose and I were powerless to stop him when he was on a roll. 

As Emmett continued his story, I grabbed my phone. I'd heard the text tone go off, so I'd fished it out of my purse. I saw the text from Edward and I sobered immediately. I stared at my phone and my brain went off like rapid fire. 

How could I ever possibly think that he loved me? He doesn’t miss ‘me’, he misses me in his bed. I went over there to talk to him, and he fucks me. Ok, I had wanted it too, but the fact is that he has never listened to what I want. The reason? He doesn’t care what I want, he only cares about what he wants. 

“What? Is something wrong?” Rose asked, breaking into my thoughts. I showed her my phone and she frowned. “So, he’s still calling you baby, huh? That's interesting, considering everything that’s been happening.” 

“But this is the problem, Rose, he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong.” 

“We established weeks ago what your love language is; he seemed to understand, and he seemed really concerned that you didn’t know how he felt about you. You would think after all of that he would try harder.” 

“I just want to be in a relationship with someone who will actually tell me how he feels. And not make decisions for me. Is that too much to ask?” 

“For him, maybe. I hate to say this, Bells, because I know that you love him, but maybe he’s just not the right person for you.” Rose handed Emmett my phone, and he read the text without comment. 

My mood was going downhill fast. “I know,” I whispered. “I’ve thought that, too. No matter how much I love him, maybe we weren’t meant to be. We are just too different.” 

Emmett passed me my phone, frowning slightly. “And you have told him what you need from him?” 

“Many times. Why? Do you think I’m not doing something right?” I demanded, turning to face him. 

“No, no, I'm not saying that. It’s just that sometimes chicks think we can read their minds. I didn't think you were that kind of chick, but I had to ask. Sounds like the guy has it bad.” 

“This is the same guy you offered to beat up for me just a couple days ago!” 

“I know, but seeing that made me realize how bad he’s got it.” 

I leaned forward, staring at him. “What?” 

Emmett leaned forward, lowering his voice. “After everything you’ve told me, he seems like he is trying. He's just not good at it. Has he ever been in a serious relationship before?” 

“Honestly, I have no idea.” 

“You haven’t talked about past relationships?” He looked surprised. 

“No, um, it never came up.” 

“What did you guys talk about when you’re together?” 

My face got red and I looked away. Emmett caught on immediately. 

“You guys just had a lot of sex.” It wasn’t a question. I nodded, still not meeting his eyes. “That’s your problem, Bells.” 

I glanced at him, and then at Rose. She was nodding. “You can’t have a relationship without communication, sweetie. I’m sure the sex is great, but you have to talk to him, too.” 

I sighed and nodded. 

The rest of the week went better, but I never did respond to his text. Rose and I enjoyed a long day at a local spa – we got facials, pedicures, mud baths; all the things that I never treated myself to. The hair appointment had been almost too much though. She'd gotten us appointments at a high-end spa, and I swear I died and went to heaven when the man was massaging my scalp for an hour. This was the life I had dreamed of, honestly, but only because I'd never thought I could have it. Rose told me she was spoiling me; and I was totally ok with letting her. 

The comedy club had been so much fun that my stomach hurt by the time we left. The three comedians who had come on were all so funny I was carefully wiping my mascara off all night, crying in laughter. Emmett joined us for drinks afterward, and my stomach hurt more. It seemed he was on a mission to get me to laugh as much as I could before I had to leave. 

Friday, my last night in Phoenix, was bittersweet. Rose told Emmett he wasn’t allowed to come over and we spent the whole night just drinking and chatting. We worked out all the things I needed to say to Edward, making a list on a napkin, but mostly we just laughed and talked. I realized just how much I missed her. 

I hugged her tightly when I had to leave for the airport the next day; thankful that I had come, and that she had arranged what she did for the week. Everything was so messed up in Denver, that I didn’t think I could have this kind of fun at the moment. Rose had shown me! I was happy and blissful as I settled into my seat on the airplane. Though, I was nervous about the conversation with Edward. 

I figured I'd just go over to his place when I got back. I thought a lot about what Emmett and Rose had said, and I realized just how much I had messed this up on my own. I was focusing on the sex, as was Edward, and we weren’t actually talking to each other. 

The whole employee/boss thing was definitely a problem that had to be resolved, but the primary issue was that we just weren’t on the same page. 

By the time that I had to go back home, I had resolved to fix the issues that I had brought to our relationship. Rose, and even Emmett, helped me identify talking points, things I needed to cover when I got home. 

I stared out the plane that Saturday on my way home, missing Rose already – and Emmett, too, if I was being honest. I went through the list again in my head, and as the plane landed in Denver, I was ready. I got my truck from long-term parking and made my way home. 

Five seconds after I walked in my door, I heard a knock. He must have been waiting for me. I set my stuff down, turned around and opened the door. He stood on the other side of the threshold without making a move. 

I held the door open and he walked in. Closing it, I turned around staring up into his eyes, waiting for him to speak. It was a few minutes before he did. 

“We need to talk.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW, terrible place to leave it. BUT, more on Sunday, if that helps. What did everyone think of Emmett? I love that character. He’s so much fun to write. 
> 
> Thanks again to my BBB zombified419 for helping me so much – with everything, not just this story! Check out her Star Wars fic Naberrie Blooms on AO3 – it's just wonderful. 
> 
> Also, little plug for myself, I have a new Star Wars story I’m writing also on AO3. It’s called Blinding Lights. Check it out if you are interested. Have a great weekend, everyone!


	10. When You’re Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, friends! Thank you all for coming back and continuing to read my little story! 
> 
> Just a friendly reminder: I know that most of you are mad at our little couple here; they aren’t so good at the communication thing yet. It’s all part of the plan – and it gets better, I promise. But there are things they have to go through first. Stick with me, it really will get better. 
> 
> This chapter title comes from Jon Secada’s song When You’re Gone. It’s a moving piece of music that details loneliness and sadness at losing what you love. 
> 
> The embedded song within the chapter is Broken by Seether, featuring Amy Lee. A heartfelt song that touched my soul when I first heard it. 
> 
> YouTube playlist link: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs 
> 
> I hope you keep sticking with me! More at the bottom!

Chapter 10 - When You’re Gone 

  


Edward 

  


There were times in my life where I felt truly stupid. I failed an exam when I was a sophomore in high school – an exam that I should have passed. Or in college when I missed a big test because I had drunk the night before and hadn’t set an alarm. I swore at my mother when I was 13, and got grounded for a month. 

But nothing – and I mean nothing - was as stupid as how I had behaved tonight with Bella. 

  


Bella 

  


“We need to talk.” 

“Yeah, we do. Come in and sit.” I purposefully didn’t offer him any alcohol; we both needed clear heads tonight. I situated myself in the chair next to the window, and he sat on the couch. I was so uncomfortable; you could cut the tension with a knife. 

Edward cleared his throat. “I owe you an apology.” I raised my eyes, but said nothing. “No, of course, I owe you so much more than that.” He shifted, leaning his arms against his knees. “My sister tells me that I was never very good at talking. When we were kids, she spoke for me. I guess I got so used to it that I never thought about it. 

“I’ve been talking to her, and she’s been giving me tips on how to do this right. I'm going to stumble over my words, Bella, because I'm not good at this. But please let me try to get through it, ok?” 

I nodded, staying silent as he requested. 

“I haven’t had that many relationships. And the ones I’ve had were mostly physical and were never meant to be anything more than that. It's not something I'm proud of, but I want to fix that. I want to be with you. You are the most wonderful person I've ever been with and I want to be better. 

“I know what I did wrong. And it all stems from me being used to being in charge. I tried to control the situation, ignoring any conversation needed, and I was wrong to do that. We are in this together, right? And I should have remembered that. 

“I care about you a lot and I want this to work. Can we work on this, together, Bella?” 

I stared at him for a moment. “Thank you for the apology, I appreciate that it must have been hard for you to say all of that.” I leaned forward a little. “But that’s not the only thing that’s going on with us, Edward. It's not just about you trying to control my life; you also have a fear of intimacy.” 

He blanched, his mouth dropping open. “No, I don’t!” 

“You ‘care’ for me, Edward? You told Rose that you loved me. Why can’t you say that to me?” I demanded. 

He stood up and started pacing, his hands clenched at his sides. “Because they are just stupid words! Words that can be hollow and not mean anything. I want you to know how I feel by how I treat you.” 

I laughed humorlessly. “Well, then we have a bigger problem. Based on how you treat me, I'd say you don’t like me at all.” 

“No, Bella,” he said, stumbling over to where I was sitting. He knelt down in front of me, his hands on my knees. I sat back in the chair putting some distance between us. 

“It’s not just that you refuse to tell me how you feel about me. We never talk, all we do is have sex. You are my boss – not only at work but at home, too. You control, or try to, everything with our relationship in both areas.” I licked my lips. “We need to realize what’s happening here. We are toxic to each other.” 

Edward leaned back, sitting down with a thump on the floor. His eyes met mine, and I saw unshed tears in them. It waived my resolve. “You can’t believe that.” 

“I’m sorry, Edward, really.” I got on my knees next to him, putting my hands on his cheeks. “I love you. I've loved you for years. But sometimes love isn’t everything.” 

“I don’t understand. You go home for one week and all of a sudden we are toxic?” He stood up, showing anger all over his face. “Is there someone else?” 

I rolled my eyes, standing up from the floor. “Of course not. You know that.” 

“Do I? I’ve barely seen you in the last couple weeks. You hardly speak to me at work, you avoid me at home. What am I supposed to think?” 

“What about you hanging around with gorgeous amazon women at work all day? Finishing each other’s sentences, staring into each other’s eyes, and laughing together. What am I supposed to think?” I wanted to know how he was going to get out of this; if he was going to accuse me, then I'd make sure he knew how I felt about her. 

“Are you talking about Tanya? There’s nothing there, Bella. How could you even think that?” 

“Because of all the reasons I just said.” 

He stood in front of me staring into my eyes. His lips were in a thin line, indicating his anger. 

“How could you say we never talk!” Now he was changing the subject. Did that mean he had been interested in Tanya? “We talk all the time.” 

“Well, considering you just side-stepped the Tanya issue, I'll take that as confirmation that either something was going on with her, or you wanted it to.” I sighed. “Edward, we don’t talk about anything important. Do you know my middle name? The name of my first boyfriend? Where I went to college?” 

“Your middle name is Marie.” 

“And? You could have gotten that off my resume.” He blinked; I'd caught him. “See my point? All we ever do when we are together is have sex. We started this whole thing backwards, not to mention the work situation. We should have dated, gotten to know each other as a couple – not as coworkers or whatever – before sleeping together. We didn’t do that, and we are paying for that now.” 

His eyes softened. “I do want to know those things about you.” 

“Do you?” 

“Yes! Haven’t you been listening? I want to be with you.” 

I nodded, sitting back down on the chair. “You said that, but every time we are together, we do one of two things. Have sex or-” 

“Fight,” he finished for me. He sat down on the couch. “How do we fix this?” 

“I’m not sure we can,” I said honestly. This time the tears pooled in my eyes. I knew what was coming, and I knew I would do it because it was necessary. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t in fucking pain over it. 

“Bella, please don’t say it.” 

Tears streamed down my face as I leaned forward and gave him one last chance. “Tell me you love me.” 

“You know I do.” 

I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. “It’s over, Edward.” 

“Bella...” 

I shook my head, letting my tears continue without wiping them away. “This just isn’t working. And it’s too painful to keep trying. We just aren’t on the same page, and I don’t think we have the ability to be.” 

And then, the entire night turned in a way I wasn’t expecting. While before he looked sad, now his face was fierce. 

“All this because I won’t say one stupid word. Even though you know how I feel about you.” He stood up again, and his hands balled up again at his side. “One stupid fucking word.” 

“No, Edward. It's not just that, though it’s a part of it. Remember everything we literally just talked about? It's all of that put together!” I was still crying, but now I was getting angry. 

He came over and put his hands on my shoulders. “One fucking word, Bella. You are ending this because of one word.” His face caved a little in pain. “Please.” 

“You aren’t listening to me. It's not just about that!” I pushed away from him, standing a couple feet away. 

“Do you expect me to say it to you every day? Is that it? That I just walk around telling everyone how I feel about you? Getting myself, and probably you, fired as a result. But that’s fine, as long as Bella gets her one damn word, right?” He took a step closer. “You just want me to say it to you every single day?” 

I closed my eyes. “No, I don’t. I want you to leave.” I walked to the door, opening it wide. “I don’t want you to say anything.” 

He stormed out, grabbing the door and slamming it behind him. I locked the door and slowly carried my bags into my room, shutting off the lights. It wasn’t very late, just after dinner time. But I crawled into bed and let the tears fall. 

  


Edward 

  


I was laying on my bed, face smashed into the pillow when my phone rang. I grabbed for it, answering without even looking to see who it was. 

“Bella?” 

“No, it’s Alice. Don’t you have, like, caller ID or something?” Alice snickered. “I just wanted to tell you that I got everything covered for next week. I can stay with you until Saturday.” 

“Great.” 

“What’s wrong with you?” 

“Bella just broke up with me.” 

“What? Why?” 

“Because I haven’t told her I love her yet.” 

Alice was silent for a moment. “But you do, right?” 

“Yes, but I don’t understand why she wants me to say it to her all the time.” 

“Did she say that?” 

“She said she wanted me to tell her a lot, and I just can’t do that.” 

“And she broke up with you over that?” 

I closed my eyes; I was lying to her, and honestly, I think she could tell. I needed an ally; I needed someone to help me through this, so I needed her on my side. But it wasn’t fair to Bella – or Alice – for me to lie. 

“It wasn’t just that; there were other issues, too. I’ll explain more when you get here ok? It’s been an emotional night, and I just want to go to bed.” 

Alice was quiet again. “Ok, I understand. Promise you’ll tell me everything when I get there?” 

“I will.” 

She was appeased for the moment, but I was going to have to open up soon. It was going to be disastrous. 

I sat up on my bed, leaning against the headboard just staring at nothing. I had been an absolute idiot tonight. Turning my anger on Bella had only made it worse, and what the hell was wrong with me not just telling her how I felt? 

“I love Bella,” I said out loud to myself. I could say it to myself, why couldn’t I say it to her? Bella was right, something was wrong with me. 

When Bella was upset, she always listened to music. I had learned that in Florida, but sharing a wall with her I knew just how often the music would come on. Her side of the wall was very quiet tonight, though, so I wondered if I had angered her so much that music wasn’t her solace right now. 

That thought made me sick to my stomach. Lurching from the bed, I barely made it to my bathroom before I vomited up my dinner. I laid my head on the toilet seat, closing my eyes and trying to calm myself down. When I finally felt better, I got up and brushed my teeth before heading back to bed. And that’s when I heard the music. It was the saddest song I knew, and it didn’t surprise me that she had chosen it. 

As I listened to the song Broken by Seether coming through the wall, my eyes filled with tears again. When Amy Lee’s part came on, I lost it entirely and I laid down on my bed and let the tears fall. 

Because of my stubbornness, and stupidity, I had lost the one woman I loved. Hopefully Alice had a remedy for me. 

  


Bella 

  


First thing on Monday morning, I started job searching. I loved the company I worked for, so I checked internal job postings first. I knew that I would have to talk to Edward before I applied, but I could at least see what was out there. 

Searching through them, I found a couple that looked promising. Before applying, I pulled up my old resume and started updating it based on the work I'd done with Edward the last five years. I added as much as I could remember, hoping that it would be enough. 

I saw Edward come in about an hour after I'd gotten there. He walked right to his office and closed the door, not even acknowledging me or anyone else. I didn’t want to bother him, so I sent him an email advising him that I was applying to another job within the company, and I hoped that he would give me a good recommendation. 

It was almost the end of the day before I heard from him. He came out of his office, shouting out to the work crew to get their attention. 

“I just wanted to let you all know that I will be taking the rest of the week off. Bella is in charge while I'm out, so please direct any questions you have to her. I’ll see you all on Monday.” And then he just walked out. He didn’t even glance in my direction. And he hadn’t replied to my email. 

I was packing up to go home when I saw an email come in from Mike, Edward’s boss. I opened it up, scanning the contents sitting down on my chair. 

Hello Bella, 

I’m sure that Edward has told you that he will be out for the remainder of the week on personal business. I know that this is a busy time at the new office, so please feel free to reach out to me if you need any assistance. Edward assures me that you are more than capable of handling everything on your own, and I am sure he is right. 

Having said that, though, I know you don’t have signing authority on the building contracts, or with the construction crews. Please let me know if you need assistance with any documentations or contract reviews, and I will be happy to assist. Outside of that, I am sure you can make whatever decisions are needed. 

Additionally, I noticed that you have applied to a different department. We would sure hate to lose you; I hope there are no concerns that you have regarding your current job that are making you apply elsewhere. If there is anything I can do to convince you to stay, please let me know. 

Have a great week. 

Mike N. 

I read it a second time before turning off my computer and heading out the door. This was going to be a long week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, look....LOOK< I promise it will get better! I love these two, I love them together...we just have to go through some shit to get there. I love you guys, and I look forward to your thoughts! 
> 
> Many thanks as always to my BBB zombified419 for all of your encouragement and hours of painstakingly reviewing songs with me for this fic. If you are a Star Wars fan, I encourage all of you to read her lovely story on AO3 called Naberrie Blooms. 
> 
> Shameless plug: I am also writing a Star Wars fic, based on the fandom my BBB introduced me to. Feel free to check it out – posting on AO3 now: “Blinding Lights.” 
> 
> Back to the normal twice a week posting schedule! See you all on Wednesday!


	11. As It Seems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YouTube Playlist link: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, friends! Won’t go into too many notes here, will save it for the end. 
> 
> This chapter’s title comes from As It Seems by Lily Kershaw. It’s a sad song, but one with so much feeling put into it. Slow and satisfying, giving you all the feels. Please listen – and I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> The embedded song is Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure. This is a song I hadn’t heard in some time, but my BBB suggested it for this chapter – and it was perfect!

Chapter 11: As It Seems 

  


Bella 

  


One of the first things Rose made me promise was that I wouldn’t live in my head as much. Well, that was easier said than done. The last couple weeks had been so crazy, that’s just about all I did. But when I was with Rose in Phoenix, it was easier to just listen to her or Emmett and ignore the nagging voice inside my head. I think she did that on purpose. 

But now that I was alone again, and beyond overstressed at work with Edward being out, the voice came back full force. Tuesday had been the absolute worst day; everyone had a problem. The plumber said the pipes for the new bathroom came in broken and we’d be set back by waiting for the replacements. The construction crew took too much off of a doorway than the decorator wanted, so they had to get lumber to reinforce the door before the wall caved in on us. 

And just when I was at my end with issues, the amazon lady came in to talk to Edward, pouting when I told her he was out for the week. 

“I’m sure I can help you, Tanya. What’s the issue?” 

She walked over to my desk with long strides that made me want to puke, putting down the blueprints. “Look,” she said, gesturing toward a bunch of circles and squares. “Do you see what I'm pointing to?” 

I leaned down to take a closer look. “Uh, yeah.” 

“Then you see the problem.” 

I leaned back and looked at her. “Uh, what do you think the problem is?” 

She rolled her eyes, pulling up a chair to sit next to me. “The first decorator – before Edward hired me – is a moron. But I guess I am too, because I totally missed this at first. Basically, he has the men's and women's bathroom overlap on the second floor.” 

I closed my eyes in frustration. “That means we have to redesign the entire second floor,” I said, understanding the gravity of the situation. I opened my eyes to look at Tanya. “I hope you have some ideas, because that’s really outside of my knowledge range.” 

“Don’t worry, I got this. I'm embarrassed for my profession at this, honestly. I can’t imagine what the jackass was thinking. I’ll have some ideas for you tomorrow, ok? But in the meantime, we need to stop construction on the second floor until it’s all sorted out.” 

“Which means another delay, got it. I’ll call Mike right now and let him know. Thank you for catching this, Tanya, really!” 

She smiled at me, and I may have teetered a little on my hatred of her. “It’s my job, Bella. I’m glad I did too before they got to that side of the building!” 

She walked out, and honestly, I was grateful for her. I didn’t even know what the hell I was looking at on the blueprints, but thank god she did! The call to Mike had been painful; just too many things were going wrong. 

“I wonder if I should head up there for a couple weeks and get us back on track,” Mike said after I’d gotten him up to speed. 

“Oh, that’s not necessary. Edward and I have this under control, I promise. Tanya is the best designer out there, and she already has several ideas. The thing is, that this all sort of goes well together – all three issues.” I hurried into an explanation, knowing Edward and how he would feel if Mike came up to oversee the whole thing. “The construction crew had to stop working on the second floor because they messed up the conference room on the third. The plumber can’t even start the bathrooms until the pipes are replaced, which gives Tanya time to redesign everything. Really, it works out.” 

Mike chuckled. “You have an excellent way of thinking about things, Bella. Ok, I'll leave you two to it then. Let me know if anything else comes up.” 

“I will, Mike, thanks.” 

We hung up and I was thankful that he hadn’t brought up the job thing again. I really didn’t have the strength to talk to him about it right this moment. I made my way home just happy the day was over, looking forward to a bath and a good night’s sleep. 

When I walked past Edward’s apartment, though, I heard female laughter and I froze. We had been broken up for just a couple of days and he’d already replaced me. The voice in my head had an absolute field day with that information. I walked into my apartment and went on autopilot to make something to eat. 

Well, it was just like we thought all along, wasn’t it? You just couldn’t hold his attention that long. I broke up with him because we weren’t right for each other. But why weren’t you? You’ve been friends for years, close even. You used to talk all the time. Suddenly you are together and you stop talking? We talked! Yeah, phone sex. All he wanted from you was sex; that explains him being friends with you before. He wanted in your pants. Once that was happening, he didn’t give a shit about what else was going on. 

I wallowed in self-pity, eating leftovers but not tasting a thing. Based on the fact that we had ended so badly that he had to take a whole week off so he wouldn’t have to see me, I never expected to hear a knock on my door. No one came over but Edward. 

  


Edward 

  


I walked into the office on Monday trying to figure out how to be normal. I certainly didn’t feel normal at the moment. I went into my office shutting the door, turning on my computer, and I tried to just do my job. But Bella’s name was everywhere. I saw her in my contacts on IM, I saw emails from her that I still had actions on...she was the top of the list for my meetings because of the spelling of her name. 

Fuck my life. 

I couldn’t do this. I IMed Mike immediately, asking him to let me know when he got in. Then I started to think fast; what could I claim? I needed to take some time off...Alice! My sister was coming into town! I could easily tell him I have a family thing I need to handle. Bella can handle the office stuff for the week; it would give her an opportunity to step up and see if she did have the ability to be promoted. 

While I was waiting for Mike to get back to me, I saw an email come in from Bella. I stared at it for a few minutes before opening it. The subject line of the email said: Just So You Know. I was leery immediately. 

Good morning, Edward, 

I am using this email to notify you that I have found a position within the company that I will be applying to this morning. I appreciate the opportunities that this position has provided me, but I would like the option to move on and find another area where I can be useful. 

I hope that you will provide me a good reference for the new department. 

Let me know if you have any questions. 

Bella 

I read it and reread it several times. For all the planning that I had done, and the suggestions I’d given her, she’d done it anyway. Exactly what I had wanted her to do – that she had been angry about – she had done. I was moderately relieved, knowing that I could help her transition to another department easily. But I was also frustrated. This was exactly what I'd suggested to her and she had been so mad about it. Why the hell would she do this anyway? 

I wrote out a response to her, deleted it and tried again. Nothing I said sounded right. The anger that I still felt over the situation kept coming into my email. Eventually, I just forwarded the email to Mike so he knew, and filed it. I didn't really need to reply to it. 

It was over an hour later before Mike replied to me. Thankfully he didn’t have any meetings, so we got on the phone immediately. 

“Good morning, Edward. How was your weekend?” Mike asked me. 

Well, I certainly wasn't going into that. “It was good, Mike. Yours?” 

“Oh, can’t complain. The wife and I went up to Flagstaff for the weekend. Long trip, but it’s just beautiful up there. Did I ever tell you that we closed on the cabin we wanted?” Mike continued, and I tuned him out. I really didn’t give a crap about the cabin that he just bought. After a few minutes, he finally got back to me. “What did you want to talk to me about, Edward? Is it Bella? The email you just sent me?” 

“Well, that was more of an FYI, Mike. I don’t think there’s anything we can do about that.” 

“Have you talked to her about it?” 

“No, not yet. I just got it.” 

“Did you know she was thinking about going to a new department?” 

I sighed. I had to be really careful here. “Bella has mentioned that she has interest in other departments. You know how I work, Mike. I always encourage my employees to work for the job or position they want. Bella is a great employee. I’ve been working with her on improving her skills and preparing her for an eventual promotion. I always hoped she’d stay with us, but I will support her in whatever career she has chosen.” 

There was silence for a few minutes. “I’m happy to speak to her, if you think it would help.” 

“That’s up to you, honestly. I think that Bella could be great anywhere. I’m happy to support her moving.” I swallowed thickly. “But what I wanted to talk to you about is personal. I have a twin; did I ever tell you that?” 

“I think you mentioned it, yeah.” 

“She’s having some crisis, and she’s flying into town tomorrow. I need to take some personal time to help her for a few days. I am hoping I can take the rest of the week off.” 

“Can Bella manage everything while you are gone?” 

“Yes, absolutely.” 

“She was out last week, though, wasn’t she? Make sure she’s up to speed on anything before you leave, ok?” 

“Yes, I can do that. Thank you, Mike. I appreciate it.” 

I couldn’t face Bella, so instead I emailed the team and everyone that I had been working with last week, instructing them to work with Bella in my absence this week. I also gave them my cell number just in case. I would have to lie to Mike and tell him that Bella and I talked; I just couldn’t do it. I announced to the room that I'd be out, rather than personally talking to Bella directly. It was easier. 

That night was painful. Knowing she was so close to me, yet completely untouchable, almost killed me. I drank too much and went to bed early. Unfortunately, I couldn’t sleep. I stared up at the ceiling for a while before grabbing my phone and surfing around a little. 

I heard some music coming from Bella’s apartment, but I couldn’t identify it. I guess she was turning the volume down now. I had been interested in how important music was to her, so I decided to give it a try. I navigated to YouTube and I started playing a song I'd heard from her apartment before. I listened for a few minutes before setting the phone down and letting it just auto select. I was listening, staring at the ceiling again. It was four songs in before I paid attention. 

Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure came on, and I sat up slightly just listening. Bella had said many times that more often than anything she was just listening to the lyrics; that the music wasn’t as important to her as the words. I felt that with this song. I'd heard it before, of course, but this time it made an impact on me. It may have been the alcohol muddling my brain but this time hearing the song was emotional. 

I felt it to my core, and it rocked me. He spoke of breaking down at her feet to beg forgiveness; that’s exactly what I wanted to do with Bella. The next line really hit me hard, saying it was too late to do anything about it. Tears started streaming out of my eyes as I realized that statement was true with my situation, too. 

Still reeling from the song, I switched off YouTube and locked my phone. I plugged it in and set it down on my nightstand. I went back to staring at the ceiling until I finally fell asleep. 

I had offered to pick Alice up from the airport, but she said she wanted to get a car. But, to be fair, at the time she didn’t realize I was going to take the entire week off. It didn’t matter though, really. It gave me time to clean up the apartment before she got there. 

I was taking the garbage out when I realized that I had been drinking way too much lately. I took the garbage out last Thursday, not even a week ago, and I was throwing out 8 or 9 empty bottles of wine. I needed to be way more careful; it was leading into a dangerous area. 

Alice showed up just after lunch, knocking on the door with a loud bang. I rushed to open the door, grabbing her as she jumped into my arms. 

“Hey, little brother! I missed you!” 

I chuckled. “Hey, short stuff.” 

She stuck her tongue out at me, disconnecting her arms from my body. “Got any food around this place? I’m starved!” 

“Uh, actually, no. I need to do some shopping. I thought we could do that this afternoon. Do you want to get lunch and then get some groceries?” 

She cocked her head to the side. “Don’t you need to get back to work?” 

“I took the whole week off, actually.” 

She stared at me. 

“I needed a break from seeing Bella every day, and you coming out was a perfect excuse. I thought you could help me get over her.” 

Alice’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t need help getting over her. You need help getting her back. And that’s what I'm here for.” 

I laughed, humorlessly. “I don’t think that’s a possibility.” 

“Tell me all about it. Let's get some food.” 

We made our way to a restaurant not too far away, and I tried to tell her what had happened. The one thing I left out, the one thing I couldn’t tell her, was how I hadn’t told Bella that I loved her. I was ashamed about it, if I'm being honest, and I just couldn’t tell her that. There was plenty of other reasons for Bella to break up with me anyway. 

“I have to say, little brother, I agree with Bella. I wouldn’t be happy if Jasper told me what to do either – or made decisions about my life.” She was contemplative for a minute. “Hell, I would have broken up with him years ago if he had acted like that.” 

“Yeah, I know, it wasn’t my best idea.” I took a bite of my food, glancing up at her. “I drank too much; I made mistakes. But Bella thinks we are toxic together.” 

“Maybe you are.” 

I set my fork down. “How is that supposed to help me get her back, Ali?” 

She copied my action, leaning over her food slightly. “Just because you are toxic now, doesn’t mean you will stay that way. There are things you can do to improve the relationship if you work together. I’m going to help you with that.” 

“Ok, I mean...” 

“Edward, just trust me,” she said, smirking. She leaned back and took a bit of her food. “I want to meet her.” 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Come on! She's right next door! I want to meet her! Please!” She bounced up and down in her seat. 

I glared at her, but she just smiled like she knew she had won. There is no way this ends well for me. 

  


Bella 

  


I opened the door expecting Edward; instead, there was a small woman with a huge smile on her face. She was almost hopping, even though I had never seen her before in my life...I couldn’t imagine why she was so excited. 

“Hi, Bella! I’m Alice!” My god, even her voice was sort of hoppy. 

“Um. Hi?” Alice walked into my apartment, and I whispered, “Sure, come on in...like I know who you are...” 

“I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m just here for the week. I’ve heard so much about you.” She talked really fast as she wandered around my apartment. She was looking at everything as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world. 

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” I kept the door open just a little, in case I needed to make a run for it. This hoppy lady could be a psycho for all I knew. 

She spun around to look at me. “I’m Alice.” 

I nodded. “You said that. But seriously, who are you?” 

She just stared at me. “Didn’t Edward tell you about me?” 

“No. Should he have?” 

Alice’s smile was gone immediately. “Excuse me.” She stomped out of my apartment, keeping the door open, and walked back over to Edward’s apartment. She opened the door and shouted, “Edward! Get your ass over here!” 

I tried to hide my smirk; I still didn’t have any idea who she was, but she was definitely not letting Edward get away with this. But then out of nowhere, I had a panic moment. What if this is his wife? Oh my god, was he married this whole time and I didn’t know!? I hung my head in shame. I am a homewrecker. 

Alice’s voice broke into my inner voice. “Bella says that you never mentioned me. Care to explain that?” 

“I told her I had a sister,” was his fast reply. Oh, Alice was his sister! 

“You never told me her name,” I said, not willing to go out into the hallway. I really didn’t want to see him. Unfortunately, Alice made the decision for me. 

“Come on. Let’s go. Now, I'm mad.” 

Alice appeared in my doorway again, this time with Edward behind her. He kept his eyes down, resolutely avoiding my glance. 

“Let’s have a chat, you two.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UH-OH, Alice is mad! The next chapter is a great one, and I can’t wait for you all to read it. I do so enjoy Alice and Rose’s characters in this story, and I'm hoping that you will also. 
> 
> Thanks as always to my BBB (bestest buddy beta) zombified419 for not only beta-ing this story, but also my Star Wars story (shameless plug: Blinding Lights, posting only on AO3) and for letting me beta her own Star Wars story: Naberrie Blooms. Please hop over to AO3 and enjoy those! 
> 
> Thanks everyone! I hope you are having a wonderful week. See you all on Saturday!


	12. Sober

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I know everyone is excited to read Alice’s take on everything. So, more at the bottom! 
> 
> This chapter is taken from the song Sober by Taps. This is a very heart-wrenching song, but is just so beautifully sung. Check it out, it’s wonderful. No embedded song this time. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> YouTube playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

Chapter 12 – Sober 

  


Edward 

  


This was going to be so bad. 

  


Bella 

  


I glared up at Alice as she situated me on one side of the couch, and then Edward on the other. She stood in front of us with her hands on her hips just assessing us. I'd never been more uncomfortable in my life. What does this tiny little thing think she can possibly accomplish by putting us through this? 

“So, Bella, I know that you technically broke up with Edward, but I thought maybe we could all just talk for a few minutes. Maybe I can help? I know Edward better than anybody, and I’d really like to get to know you, too.” She smiled at me and I fought, and lost, a smile back to her. This woman was clearly good at getting what she wanted. “Now, Edward tells me that you’ve applied to a new department, right?” 

“Yeah, yesterday. I haven’t heard anything about it.” 

“I’m sure you’ll get it with the glowing recommendation Edward is going to write for you.” Alice glared at Edward. My eyes were stuck on her, and I was resolutely ignoring him. I felt that he got us into this mess, and whatever she threw at him...well, he was going to have to deal with it himself. 

“Yes, Alice,” Edward said. 

Alice smiled again. “Now, the next issue. I know that Edward can seem a little overbearing; I wanted to explain that to you. He's not so good with words, and sometimes he says the wrong thing. When he and I talked about the situation with you guys, the first concern he had was that the work issue needed to be handled. Edward had no intention of acting without your thoughts or opinions. He would have never done that. He just said it wrong, that’s all.” 

Ok, now I was mad. “And he didn’t tell me any of this because he’s ‘not so good with words?’” When Alice nodded, I leaned forward. “I think that we have established very clearly that your statement is truer than you know. By evidence of the fact that I had no fucking clue who you were, because Edward doesn't talk to me about anything. I’m either supposed to guess how he feels, or he simply doesn’t think it matters to talk to me.” 

“Don’t you talk about your personal lives? Your families?” Alice asked, looking between us. 

Edward was silent, so I said, “No, all we do is fuck or have phone sex. We don’t talk about anything other than work stuff. And maybe music now and then.” 

“Alice, I really don’t see the point in this. Bella has made her decision; why bother putting us through this?” 

Alice took a step closer to Edward. “Because I know that you love her. Don't you want to try at least?” 

Ire burned through my veins as I watched them. I stood up from the couch, unable to take anymore. “He clearly hasn’t told you everything. But what a fucking surprise that he told you he loves me.” I turned to Edward. “You’ll tell her or Rose, but you won’t tell me? You really are a sick bastard.” 

Edward stood up, ignoring Alice’s small gasp. “I’ve told you in everything I do. Yet for some reason you expect the words out of my mouth every two seconds. For what, constant reassurance? What the fuck happened to you that you have to hear three stupid words out of my mouth all the time? You should know how I feel! I've done everything I can to show you!” 

“Fucking me against a wall while drunk doesn’t exactly scream ‘I love you,’ you jackass.” We were toe to toe at this point, glaring at each other. 

Alice stepped in, separating us a little. Her eyes were wide with surprise when she looked at me, but when they turned to Edward, they narrowed. “You haven’t told her you love her?” 

Edward threw up his hands in exasperation. “Not you, too.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” she demanded. 

“Because of this conversation right now. That was private between Bella and me; I didn’t need your judgement, too.” 

“I think you need some judgement here, mister. Listen to me, little brother, and listen good. Because after I say this I'm out. You have much more to atone for than I was led to believe, and I will not help you any longer. 

“You basically told her that you were going to force a transfer on her; didn’t even ask her opinion. You never talk about anything personal; she didn’t even know my name! And last, but probably not least, right, Bella? You haven’t told her that you love her.” Alice glanced at me, and I nodded; agreeing with everything she just said. “This is bullshit, Edward, and you know it. You wouldn’t want to be treated like this either.” 

Edward looked angrier than I'd ever seen him. He walked to the door and left, not saying another word. Alice looked at me apologetically. 

“I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t have barged my way in here.” 

I sighed, sitting down in my chair across from the couch. “It’s ok, Alice. Apparently, you didn’t know everything.” 

“I still don’t understand why he didn’t tell me.” She made her way to the couch and sat down. 

“He didn’t want a lecture from you, too, I imagine. He already got one from me.” 

“And you really don’t talk at all? You don’t know his favorite band, or book, or anything?” 

“Oh, no, I know that. His favorite band is Motley Crue, and his favorite book is either A Brave New World, or Stephen King’s It. He wavers between those two. It was funny, actually, because we were talking about King’s books once a couple years ago, and how I think Dean Koontz is so much better. We got into this sort of debate in the middle of our team meeting. Everyone was just laughing at us going back and forth...what?” I stopped, seeing Alice staring at me intently. 

“So, you do know things about him?” 

“I’ve worked with him for five years.” 

“When’s his birthday?” 

“June 20.” 

“His middle name?” 

“Anthony.” I bit my lip, seeing where Alice was going with this. “What’s your point? I've known him for years.” 

Alice scooted to a spot on the couch closer to my chair. “It seems like you knew each other quite a bit before you started sleeping together.” I shrugged, noncommittally. “I wonder if my brother thought that he knew everything about you already; and that’s why he focused on the new component to the relationship. Sex.” 

“It doesn’t excuse anything, Alice,” I whispered, tears pricking my eyes. 

“I know it doesn’t. But it explains some things to me.” Alice stood up, leaning over to hug me quickly. “I’ll get out of here; and I am sorry I barged in. Thanks for the talk, Bella. It was really nice to meet you finally.” 

“Yeah, you, too.” 

Alice made her way out and I followed her to lock the door. I leaned against it, emotionally wrecked by the evening. 

The nerve of her saying we knew each other already. It's clear all he ever wanted was sex. From the first moment I met him, he was checking me out. He wanted sex with me even back then! Anything leading up to Florida was all foreplay to him. There's no way he ever felt anything for me other than lust. 

  


Edward 

  


Ignoring my thoughts, I went straight for my wine rack when I got home. Having Alice and Bella gang up on me was enough to push anyone to drinking, and I found I couldn’t control it. I was two glasses in before Alice came back – though, that really should have scared me, considering she had followed me fairly quickly. 

She rounded on me as soon as she shut the door. “How dare you! You lied to me, but also, you are lying to her! No wonder she broke up with you!” 

“All because of three stupid words,” I muttered, bringing the glass up to my mouth again. 

“Not three stupid words, Edward. The three most important words you can tell anyone in the world! Words that build lives together, that calm fears and help people understand the depth of your feelings toward them.” I rolled my eyes, unconvinced. “But I do have to say, I agree with you on one point at least. I think you do know each other quite well already. I'm betting you think that, too.” 

“Yeah, I mean, we used to talk all the time. We weren’t just boss and employee; in our team meetings or one on ones we would always talk personal stuff.” 

Alice was nodded. “And you didn’t think it was necessary to keep that up once you started sleeping together?” 

“I tried, Alice. When I talked to her about anything, she would either sound far away, like she wasn’t listening, or she would change the subject.” I scanned my memory. “Like when I brought you up. I was trying to talk to her about the conversation you and I’d had about transferring her. She interrupted me and just told me it was her life. She wouldn’t even let me explain. 

“I tried talking to her about the future several times, and that was when she sounded the weirdest. Like she wasn’t willing to even listen or talk about it at all. I stopped bringing it up; and maybe that is my fault.” I leaned forward, holding my head in my hands. “Everything is my fault, Alice! I love her so much that being away from her hurts me physically. I am a complete fucking moron.” 

“No, you aren’t, Edward. You are in love, and sometimes love makes us act a little crazy. That doesn’t mean that you are a moron. Come on, let’s talk through this sitting somewhere comfortable. I'm tired from the plane today.” 

  


Bella 

  


After Rose got done laughing at the situation, she sobered fairly quickly. 

“So, you two do talk then?” she asked me. 

“No, I mean, yes, we have, but not really since we started sleeping together.” 

“But you made it seem like you knew nothing about him, Bella. Emmett and I were both shocked that you would sleep with someone without knowing him at all.” 

“We worked together for five years, Rose. Of course, I know him.” 

“Then I don’t understand why you said that.” 

I sighed, leaning back into my bed a little more. “The question Emmett asked...I didn’t know the answer to that. We haven’t talked much since we got together; it’s been mostly about sex.” 

“That’s all new relationships, Bella. Once sex is brought in that’s the focal point for a while. Once the newness of it all wears off, that’s where the real relationship begins.” 

“Or when it ends, I guess.” 

“Yeah, that’s true. If sex was all you had, it can’t last. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case with you guys.” She was quiet for a moment. “Sounds like there are some things you aren’t telling me.” 

“I think my imagination was running away from me again, Rose.” 

“Like with what happened when you were dating Jake?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Bella, answer me honestly with this, ok? You know I love you and that doesn’t change no matter what you say, ok? Was Jake really cheating on you?” 

“I don’t know. I broke up with him and kicked him out before asking him.” I was quiet in my response, embarrassment flooding through me. 

“Oh, Bella...” 

“I know, I know!” I said, frustrated. Not at her, but with myself. “I made a mess of that situation, and I'm fucking up this one, too!” 

“This one is different, Bella. Unless...he hasn’t told you he loves you right?” 

“No, he hasn’t,” I said firmly. 

“And he did try to tell you what to do with your life? With the transfer?” 

“Yes, he did.” 

Rose sighed. “It sounds like it goes both ways here. It's not a toxic relationship in the literal sense of the meaning; you just need to get better at talking to each other in general.” 

I snorted. “Yeah, that’s true.” 

“And you need to stay out of your head.” I was quiet, contemplating what that meant, when she continued, “You can’t let your brain tell you how he feels about you. He is always saying that he shows you how he feels. Talk me through that? Is there anything that he’s done that is extra sweet?” 

I thought back through everything he and I had done or talked about for the last few months. “He had dinner ready for me when I got to Colorado? He made sure my apartment was the bigger one, even though he’s the boss. He insisted that I be the one to help him with this office opening – which was sort of selfish in that he wanted to be near me all the time...oh...” I stared up at the ceiling, thinking. Rose didn’t say anything as I had my epiphany. “He loves me?” 

“I think he really does, sweetie. Now, I know he needs to get better in a few areas. But honey, no one is perfect. Everyone has things to work on – including you, right?” Rose was quiet again. “Is he worth fighting for?” she asked, the same question she’d asked me to consider before. 

I answered honestly. “I don’t know.” 

The next couple days, I didn't see or hear anything from Alice or Edward. She said she was here for the week, so I figured they were just spending time together. I didn’t want to interrupt – and I wasn’t even sure I had anything to say to him anyway. I handled things as best as I could at work; turned out the redesign of the second floor was better than the original, and not a ton had to change. Mike was happy, I was happy. 

By Friday, I was pretty confident in myself. I had been able to manage everything the entire week and hadn’t had to call Edward once. Feeling accomplished, I picked up my phone as it started to ring. 

“Newton Enterprises.” 

“Hello, Bella?” 

“Yes, hello. How can I help you?” 

“This is Sue from HR. I got your resume for the job. Do you have a few minutes to chat?” 

“Y-y-yes, I do! Hello, Sue, thanks for giving me a call!” 

“Hello again, Bella,” Sue said, chuckling. “I’ve heard some wonderful things about you from Mike and Edward. I was excited to see you apply for this position. You understand that moving into HR would be a total career change for you, right? How do you feel about that?” 

“Honestly? Excited. I majored in business, but had a minor in human relations in college. I feel like this is the right path for me. But working for Edward has really given me a sense of the company, our values and the employees. I really think I could do great in this position.” 

We continued from there, Sue asking me regular interview questions. Some of them were similar to what Edward had asked me all those years ago when he hired me. The thought made me sad, but I tried to push all of that out and focus on her questions – and answering them as best as I could. 

“Well, Bella, I think I can say that you would be perfect in this position.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “I know that you are currently in Colorado helping to open the new office; is it going to be a problem for Edward if you moved back to Phoenix when you start in HR?” 

“I don’t think so; Edward has several other colleagues who could step up to assist him. But you would have to check with him or Mike, honestly. Edward was out all week – but I did tell him on Monday that I had applied out, before he went out on leave.” 

“Ok, I'll speak with Mike this afternoon and see what we can come up with. And I can speak with Edward, too.” 

“Thank you so much for this opportunity, Sue. I really appreciate it!” 

“And thank you for applying, Bella! I’ll speak with everyone and get you the offer letter sometime next week. Have a great weekend!” 

“Thanks, Sue. You as well!” 

I went home that night, happy about the turn of events the week had taken. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curious on your thoughts regarding Alice. I know everyone was looking forward to this, so did I do her justice? 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone reading and commenting on my little story. I appreciate it! If you are interested, I also have a little Star Wars story I’m writing over on AO3 called Blinding Lights. Very different from this story, or others I’ve written, but if you're curious, check it out. 
> 
> Thanks to my beautiful BBB (bestest buddy beta) zombified419 for everything. Make sure to check out her Star Wars story Naberrie Blooms. It’s such a beautiful story. 
> 
> Also, a reminder: If you want to get the chapter previews the day before I post, make sure to join the Facebook groups: “It All Started with Twilight” and “Cheatward’s Spot”. There are some lovely people there! Come have fun with us! 
> 
> Have a nice weekend everyone! See you on Wednesday!


	13. Gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And welcome back! This one will be a little different I think, but I do have to say, I appreciate everyone sticking with me. I promise that the turn is coming, and then it will just be sickly happy going forward. Not quite in this one, though. But...soon? You’ll see! 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song Gravity by Sara Bareilles. I simply love this song and knew that I had to add it into this fic when I determined it was all about music. This is my go-to song when I need angsty/sad inspiration. Something about the melody and the lyrics just get me every time. 
> 
> Stick with me for the HEA friends. More at the bottom! 
> 
> YouTube playlist reminder: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

Chapter 13 – Gravity 

  


Edward 

  


The week with Alice had been...well, painful, if I'm being honest. She drilled me every second of every day. It was like being in elementary school again, learning my ABCs. Except that these ABCs were meant to help me win Bella back. 

Alice didn’t make any moves to go back over there, and I was grateful for that. Unfortunately, she did not go easy on me. 

“So, you know what your problem is, right?” she asked Friday night, the day before she was going back home. 

I sighed and put my burger down. “What is that?” 

“You live in your head so much that you think everyone knows what is going on in your mind. You don’t say enough out loud for them to actually know.” She took a bite of her own burger, smirking at me. 

“Is that right?” 

She nodded several times. “It’s true! You did that when you were a kid. The thing is that I always knew what you meant, so I was there to translate. Must be a twin thing.” 

I rolled my eyes and went back to my food. She kept talking, though. 

“Mom and Dad never even noticed, I think. Like, I was always talking and they were used to that, you know? You were the quiet, contemplative one...somehow, I knew it all along and I just accepted it also.” 

“Alice, what’s the point? What are you actually getting to here?” I balled up the burger wrapper, tossing it on the table. 

“The point is, I think this is all my fault.” 

I stared at her in shock. “What?” 

“It’s my fault! I enabled you to be silent for so many years.” 

“Alice...” I warned, leaning forward. “That’s completely ridiculous. Seriously. You can’t blame yourself for my personality.” 

She shakes her head. “But if I hadn’t spoken for you for so long, Mom and Dad would have forced you to talk or something.” She leaned forward, putting her hand on mine. “I made this harder for you; to be open with someone else. And for that, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.” 

The rest of the evening flew by, and before I knew it, it was time for Alice to leave for the airport. She promised to call me later, but also made me promise one more thing. 

“Try with Bella, ok? She's good for you, I think. Be open and honest with her. Promise me that you will at least try?” 

I felt an ache in my chest at the thought of Bella, but I nodded, hugging her one last time. She flitted out, closing the door softly. As soon as she was gone, I slumped over into a chair, leaning forward to place my arms on my knees. 

Alice was right – of course, she’s always right – I had to do something. The ache in my chest grew to an unmanageable level and I stared out into the cold, crisp morning. Next week was Thanksgiving, and as far as I knew Bella wasn’t going home or anything. Maybe I could invite her to share a meal with me? I hadn’t planned on going home either. 

Maybe we could be friends? The ache throbbed at the thought. I wanted so much more than friendship with this incredible woman. But I had done so many things wrong with her. Fixing this would be really hard, but I had to try. 

Resolving myself, I decided to invite Bella over for Thanksgiving. 

The only problem was figuring out how to cook before that. With less than a week to go, I’d better get on it. 

  


Bella 

  


I didn’t really do much over the weekend. I called Rose and told her about the job – she sounded almost more relieved than I did – and then I went grocery shopping for the week. There wasn’t much to do when it was this cold out. I shuddered at the thought of me snow hiking, or ice skating...not being very athletic did sort of limit the things that I could do. Plus, I really didn’t know very many people up here at all. Other than Edward. And under the circumstances, it didn’t feel appropriate to hang out with him. 

So, I stayed in and watched movies. I read for a couple hours. Really, there wasn’t much to do inside either. Saturday was almost entirely inside, and Sunday was looking to be the same way. I missed Phoenix and Rose, and the ability to go out places that I knew – without fear of freezing to death. But I cheered up at the fact that I would be going back; and hopefully soon. I'd find out next week when this transition would take place. In the meantime, I could manage the cold weather. 

Sunday morning, I was enjoying a leisurely breakfast while reading a new book I'd picked up at the store yesterday when someone knocked on my door. I was leery to answer, not sure if it was Edward or Alice, but I steeled myself and opened the door. Edward was standing in the hallway with a bouquet of flowers. I eyed them, and him, warily. 

“I brought a peace offering,” he said, handing me the flowers. It was a beautiful arrangement filled with white daisies and red roses. 

“Thank you. Do you want to come in?” I was still leery, but the flowers were a nice touch. 

“Thank you, Bella.” He walked in, glancing at my kitchen table. “Oh, I interrupted you while you are eating. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to be rude.” 

I blinked at him. He was being weird. “No, um, it’s fine. Do you want some? I made too much for myself.” 

“I’d love to, thanks. What is it?” 

“It’s a breakfast scramble. Nothing fancy. Just hash browns, onions, bell pepper, eggs and cheese. No way I'll finish all of it. Sit, I'll get you some.” 

“Thank you.” He sat down and I went into the kitchen, getting him a plate and filling it, before setting it in front of him. 

We ate in silence for a few minutes and my mind was reeling. 

He's here for sex. There's no other reason for a man to bring a woman flowers. Should I have sex with him? No, that’s a terrible idea! But he is really good at it...that is not a good reason! But why the hell would he come over right now? 

Edward cleared his throat. “I, um, wanted to apologize to you.” 

I raised my eyes and met his. “Oh?” 

“I, well, first, I wanted to apologize about Alice. She's a little much to take in, and I'm sorry if she made you uncomfortable.” I started to say something, but he held up his hand. “But more importantly, I want to apologize to you about myself. I know that I have made a lot of mistakes with us; you breaking up with me was the right thing to do. I was a terrible boyfriend, and for that, I want to say I'm sorry to my friend. 

“Because we are friends, right? Even outside of work stuff, we were always friends too. And I hate what I have done to that part of our relationship. So, I'm sorry. So sorry I can’t even tell you.” 

I just stared at him, shocked. This wasn’t what I had expected. “Did you just come over to apologize?” 

Nodding, he took another bite of the food. “This is really good, by the way. Simple, but so great. But, yes, I just wanted to say that to you. And honestly, Bella? I miss you. I want us to try and be friends. Do you think that’s even possible?” 

I set my fork down staring at him. He copied my action, his face concerned. “I don’t know. Everything that’s happened between us...that’s just too hard to forget, Edward! I have been in love with you for a really long time, and my heart is broken.” 

Standing up, I walked away from the kitchen table and stood in front of the window. I stared outside, noticing that it was snowing again. I felt, rather than heard, Edward come up behind me. He stood a couple feet behind me. 

“I didn’t come over to upset you,” he said, putting his hands in his pockets. “I wanted to apologize and see if we could be friends. I figured that since we are both alone out here that you might want to spend Thanksgiving with me.” 

I turned to face him, smirking, trying to ignore the pain in my heart. “Are you cooking?” 

“Uh, well, I can try. I mean, I can follow a recipe.” His face reddened slightly, and I almost laughed. 

There were another few moments of silence while we stared at each other. Finally, I made a decision that I would probably regret later. 

“Sure, I’ll join you for Thanksgiving. On one condition.” 

He smiled brightly. “Sure, anything.” 

“I get to cook the important stuff. I’ll give you a list of stuff I want you to get, and I'll get the other half. But the turkey, stuffing, etc., I'm cooking that. Let's make sure Thanksgiving is at least edible, ok?” 

He threw his head back and laughed. “Absolutely! Give me the list of whatever you want, I'll buy everything ok? If you are cooking, it’s the least I can do. But is there anything that I can try cooking?” 

I thought for a moment. “How about you do the pie?” 

Suddenly he looked scared. “What kind of pie?” 

“Whatever your favorite is, I don’t care. I like them all.” 

He smiled at me again, shifting closer and reaching out to hold my hand. “Thank you, Bella. I really hope that we can be friends.” 

Dropping my hand, he turned on his feet and started to head toward the door. He stopped with his hand on the handle. “Thanks again for the meal. It really was very good.” 

He left and I was just extremely confused. 

Was he drunk? What the hell was that? He was so nice and sweet, bringing flowers and wanting to spend the holiday with me. There has to be an ulterior motive. And why the hell did I agree to Thanksgiving? What is wrong with me! I am really a glutton for punishment. 

I had that thought in my head the next day when I went into the office. Surprisingly, I beat Edward in. He walked in about half an hour after I set up, but instead of walking to his office, he came up to me. 

“Good morning, Bella.” 

“Good morning, Edward.” 

“Can I see you in my office?” 

“Uh, sure.” I stood up shakily, and started to follow when he stopped me. 

“Grab your laptop; I want to make sure we go over everything from last week that I missed.” 

Relieved, I turned around and grabbed my computer. At least I knew that it wasn’t a personal conversation. I was still on edge from yesterday’s conversation where I had stupidly agreed to spending more time with him. It was like no matter what he said or did, and no matter what my heart or head told me, I just kept getting sucked back in. 

It was like Edward pulled me toward him. An unconscious tug making me find him over and over, and go to him easily. My heart was once again warring with my head. The reason was all too clear: I loved him, and I didn’t think I would ever be able to stop. 

“So, how did it go?” 

I laughed. “Oh boy, do I have some things to tell you, boss.” I opened my laptop and brought up my notes from last week. 

“Great, that doesn’t sound terrifying at all. Lay it on me.” He grinned at me. 

It was an easy exchange, and honestly it reminded me of how it was before sex was brought in. As we went through all of the details that I'd handled for him, I started to wonder if the problem was that we should have always remained friends. But when he was reading through a report from the construction crew, I just sat back and stared at him. The magnetic tug was there, and the air thickened. Edward’s eyes jerked up to mine, and I guess my hormones were written all over his face because his eyes got dark. 

Edward licked his lips. “This is great work, Bella,” he whispered, leaning forward in his chair. “Can I interest you in lunch? My place?” 

I didn’t even wait a beat. “Yes,” I whispered back. 

This man was dangerous. 

  


Edward 

  


Bella jumped in my car at lunch, and I raced us to the apartment complex as fast as I legally could. The air was laced with lust, and I was definitely feeling it, too. Bella’s flushed cheeks, nervous movement of her tongue on her bottom lip and her leg bouncing slightly. I put my hand on that leg to stop, and Bella’s breath hitched. I don’t know what the hell got into her today, but fuck it. I was going to enjoy it. 

The second we got inside the building, I rushed to open the door for her. She sped in and started taking her clothes off, walking to the bedroom. Apparently, we weren’t talking first. I started to copy her actions, following close behind. 

When we got to the bedroom, Bella turned on her heel and threw her arms around me. Our lips met in a frenzied movement. Each of us tugged at whatever clothes were left on the other. It was a desperate movement; we both knew what we wanted and needed, and we were trying to make it happen as fast as possible. 

We collapsed on the bed, still kissing. Bella pushed me on my back, sliding easily on top of me. Before I could even think she was lining me up, and sliding down on top of me. Her tongue dove into my mouth as she started moving up and down. When she came down, she slammed into me. I gasped in her mouth, pushing myself up into her. We found a frantic pace, both of us coated in a sheen of sweat. I felt myself climbing fast, and it sounded like Bella was right there with me. We moaned into each other’s mouths, coming together. 

I kept our lips together, kissing slowly as we came down from our high. Bella shivered slightly, and I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her a little harder. 

By the time we got back to work, we were both moderately cleaned up – we hadn’t had time to shower – and smiling. The rest of the day went very well as a result. 

That evening, Bella somehow ended up back in my apartment again, and we spent the night together. Over and over, I tried to show her just how much I loved her. I hoped that I was getting through to her. But in the back of my mind, I worried that she really did need those words. And I worked my way up to them. 

Wednesday after work I braved the grocery story to get everything Bella had requested, including the stuff to make the easiest pie I could find: cherry. Bella helped put everything away, including the small chicken that I got. She did question that decision, though. 

“Chicken? Aren’t you supposed to eat Turkey on Thanksgiving?” 

“The smallest turkey I could find, that wasn’t frozen, was like 20 pounds,” I said, leaning against the counter in the kitchen. “I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a little more than I can eat.” 

Bella pouted. “But you’re supposed to eat a lot...of turkey!” 

I walked over to her, kissing the pout off her face. “Do you want me to go back for the turkey?” 

“No, I suppose chicken is just as good.” 

We made love slowly that night, and I cherished her. By the time she fell asleep, I was almost in tears. My love for her swelled so high that I was completely overwhelmed. There had to be only good things that came out of what we were doing right now, right? I couldn’t be this happy only to end up sad again, right? 

  


Bella 

  


I was getting lost in my own world. The world where Edward was perfect, we loved each other, and none of the bad things had ever happened. It was fake, but so blissful I didn’t care. 

It took a few hours to make Thanksgiving dinner, but by the time we sat down I was famished. Cooking was a tiring experience when making this much food, and I just needed a nap. Edward was so full he changed into his sweatpants, which made me laugh. 

He turned on the TV to some show I was ignoring, and I snuggled beside him. I woke up slightly as he was carrying me to bed. I wasn’t quite awake, so I kept my eyes closed and snuggled into the pillow. Edward turned the light off and slid into bed with me, putting his arms around me as he always did. 

“Oh, Bella,” he whispered, kissing the back of my head. “I love you so much.” 

My eyes sprang open. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH SNAP. He said it, and most likely she wasn’t supposed to hear it. How do we all think Bella is going to take this? 
> 
> Thanks again to my amazing BBBB (beautiful bestest buddy beta) zomibified419 for all the work and help with this fic! Couldn’t have done it without you! If you guys are interested, she wrote a lovely Star Wars fic on AO3 called Naberrie Blooms. I encourage everyone to read it. 
> 
> I’ve also got a few Star Wars fics going on (yes, I did say a few!). Also on AO3, if you are interested. 
> 
> More on Saturday, my friends! Until then, leave me a comment and let me know what you think!


	14. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so most of you are probably not going to like me after this chapter. Can I give you some good news? Remember that HEA that I promised? The start of that is right around the corner. Please trust me! We are almost out of the hurtle 😊 
> 
> Chapter title comes from Maroon 5’s Memories. I just love this song, but I've always had a fascination with Adam. Yummy. Anyway....LOL 
> 
> We also have two embedded songs in this chapter. Bella listens to Counting Stars by OneRepublic and Edward listens to Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi. Be sure to check all three songs out, they are wonderful. 
> 
> YouTube playlist reminder: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

Chapter 14 – Memories 

  


Bella 

  


Hours. I was awake for hours. As I kept replaying his words in my head, over and over... the angrier I got. Tears streamed down my face as I seethed on the bed. I was trying to formulate my words, straighten out my thoughts, and just get through the night. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep; that was simply impossible. I just needed to hold it together until morning. 

Finally, I gave up and got out of bed around 4am. I went into the kitchen and got the coffee going, steeling myself for the fight that was coming. Once the coffee was done, I went to Edward’s couch, sitting down and staring outside. It was almost two hours before Edward came out. I heard his footsteps, and I shifted to look at him. He was wearing just his sweatpants, no shirt, and I bit my lip. Fuck me, why does he have to look so perfect and beautiful when I'm this upset at him? 

No. Just NO. This was not happening again. I was strong, and I could do this. 

“Hey, what time did you get up?” Edward asked, yawning. He got coffee and came to sit next to me. He leaned in to kiss me, but I jerked away, tears in my eyes again. “What’s wrong?” 

“I heard you,” I whispered; my voice was not cooperating. 

“Heard what? What do you mean?” 

My eyes raised to his. I watched him become immediately concerned seeing the tears in my eyes. “I heard you tell me you loved me.” 

He froze for a minute, before smiling slightly. “I’m glad. You need to know, and I'm sorry I haven’t said it before now.” 

“You...you...did you think I was asleep when you told me?” I stammered. 

“Yeah, it looked like you were out. I didn’t think you could hear me, but I was trying it out, you know?” 

“Trying it out?” This was a nightmare. 

Edward blushed. “I’m trying to get used to saying it out loud. I know you need to hear it, and I'm trying to get comfortable with it. I figured that was the easiest way to say it to you. Try while you were sleeping.” 

The tears started almost pouring out of my eyes. They were a mixture of fiery anger and pure, utter sadness. I needed to keep my head, I still worked for him. I couldn’t slap him, or push him out of a window – which was quickly becoming my favorite idea. 

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. He can only tell me he loves me when I'm asleep, or he’s actually saying it to someone else. Why would it be so hard for him? Yes, they are just three little words, but they mean everything! I think I've been really clear on what I need from him, yet he continues to push me away by denying this one thing. 

“I can’t do this,” I whispered. I kept my eyes closed because I simply couldn’t look at him, but I felt him shift closer to me. 

“Please, Bella. Don't do this again.” Edward’s voice was strained. “I really have been trying to be the man you want me to be. I can’t lose you.” His voice choked a little at the end, but I kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t see this. I had to be strong. 

“Sue says I'm going to start my new job a week from Monday. Maybe it’s best if I leave now. Get back to Phoenix, give us a lot of space away from each other. I’m going to go pack now, actually. I’m sure I can get on the road by tomorrow morning at the latest.” My eyes flipped open, but I avoided looking directly at him. 

Standing up, I started to make my way to the door. I felt Edward’s arms enclose me from behind and for just one moment, I leaned back into him. I was saying goodbye in my head, but I knew that’s not what he wanted to hear. 

“I need you in my life,” he whispered into my ear. “You are what makes everything better. I’m happy when I'm with you; happier than I've been in my entire life.” 

Because the sex is so good. 

I inhaled sharply. “Then how come when I'm with you I feel like my soul is being crushed? Like I can’t breathe.” I turned and finally looked into his eyes. I saw tears streaming down his face, too, and my heart broke a little more. I put my hand to his cheek, wiping away the tears as fast as they came. “There is something off about this; I don’t want you to change for me. Just like I don’t want to change for you. If we are meant to be, then we work on it. We work together. Right now, we are fighting separate battles. 

“When we were in Florida you were all smiles and everything’s perfect. Did you know that I was crying on the inside every goddamn day? I didn’t know how you felt about me, or what you even wanted from me? My inner voice was telling me all you wanted was sex, and you certainly did want that a lot. I did too, but that wasn’t all I wanted. 

“Edward, I've loved you for years. We've tried at this for almost three months. The beginning of relationships is supposed to be the easiest, yet everything we do ends in heartache for me. 

“You can’t tell me to my face that you love me. I guess I can understand. But,” and I emphasized this by pulling his face down to meet mine. He rested his forehead against mine. “I can’t live with it. I need more, and I will not force you into changing who you are just because of my needs. That's not right or fair.” 

“Bella, please,” he whispered again. “I don’t fucking care if it’s right, or fair. I want to change for you. I want you in my life...forever.” 

“And I want what you can’t give me.” I sighed again, pushing back from him, taking a step away. His arms fell and he stood there staring at me. Tears were still falling, and his face looked like he was as broken as I felt. “I’m sorry, Edward. I-I just can’t.” 

I turned on my heel and fled his apartment. I got into mine and locked the door, quickly turning around to search for my suitcase and boxes. Denver had been getting near constant snow for a week, but it cleared up Wednesday. I was hoping that would be good enough to clear the roads so I could get the hell out of here. I couldn't stay one more minute. I rushed to pack everything I had brought with me, tearing through the apartment like a madman. 

My heart’s survival was in question. 

  


Edward 

  


I saw the finality in her face, and heard it in her voice. I thought everything had been going so well. I was so close to getting over my fear of telling her I loved her; but it clenched my mouth shut and made me wait until she was asleep to tell her. 

What the fuck is wrong with me? 

  


Bella 

  


I finished everything just after lunch. It's amazing how fast you can pack when you are really motivated. Silently, I carried everything down to my truck with no involvement from Edward. I didn’t even know if he was home, awake, nothing. And I didn’t want to find out. I would have to give him my key before I left, for whoever they got to replace me. I would cross that when I got there. 

In the meantime, one box at a time, one suitcase at a time, I got myself moved out of my temporary home. I hadn’t even been here one full month yet. But it was fine. I was fine. 

I was fine. 

I could do this. 

It was over an hour later before everything was in my truck; which meant that I had to face him one more time. I took a steadying breath and knocked on his door, my key tight in my hand. It took a few moments for him to answer. His eyes were red, his hair a mess – as if he’d been running his hand through it – and his mouth was downturned slightly. He looked exactly like how I felt. 

I pushed my hand toward him. “Here’s the key. For whoever comes up to help you.” I turned on my heel and started to walk away. 

“Bella?” Edward called out, though not very loudly. I stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Please just know that I never meant to hurt you. I promise you that I was trying to be better. I'll...” he choked up a little. “I wish you luck with your new job and everything.” 

“Thank you,” I whispered, not even knowing if he could hear me. 

I ran out to the truck, jumping in and slamming the door shut. I turned the music on immediately, needing a minute to calm my mind and clear my tears before I could start driving. The music I was drawn to was from the sad playlist I had; when I desperately needed to cheer up, or wanted to dance around my living room. There was no dancing today, but I did need to be cheered up before the twelve plus hour drive ahead of me. 

The first song up was Counting Stars by OneRepublic. The lyrics really were sort of sad-ish, but the music always made me dance. I listened to it in silence while I let the truck warm up. It was freezing outside still, so I wanted to make sure I was warm before attempting to drive. 

I heard a knock on the door, and I looked up into Edward’s eyes. I opened the door, and he reached for me. I let him take me into his arms, knowing there was a finality to the gesture. Right as the line came on talking about dreaming about the things that we could be, he squeezed me hard. Neither of us said anything, but I did lose more tears into his jacket. The cold was seeping into me again, but I didn’t care. I needed his arms around me, as it seemed he needed me, too. I couldn’t pull away, and instead I gripped him with my fingers tighter. They dug into his jacket and he pulled me even closer to him. 

“Don’t count me out yet, Bella. I’ll prove to you I'm worth it. I promise.” He leaned back to look at me, silently wiping the tears away from my face. “Please don’t drive if you can’t right now. Wait until it’s better.” 

I stared up at him, unable to speak, and realization dawned on him. His face crumbled more. 

“It won’t be better until you are further away from me...” I couldn’t respond to that, but he got it. I cried even harder when he realized that his thought was right. It crushed me, and I felt like a pure bitch. A selfish bitch. 

But it’s one of those things that you have to walk away from to see if it will ever be what you need it to be. I was walking away – and it hurt so fucking much. 

  


Edward 

  


I stood back and watched her drive away, carrying my heart with her. I couldn’t do this; I didn’t know how to handle this. My heart was going to explode, or I was going to kill something. The feeling that she left me with was bubbling up into an almost hysterical point. I was at a critical mass, and there was nothing I could do about it. 

I stormed back into my apartment, slamming the door louder than I'd intended. I stood in the center of the living room unsure of what my next move was. Where did I go from here when my heart was gone? Who fucking cared anyway? 

I took my phone out, searching for a song I’d heard Bella listen to before. I needed clarity, just as she gained from music. The problem is that the song I chose was not the right one for the moment - I mean, the lyrics were basically what I was dealing with, but I shouldn’t be listening to it in my current mood. 

But I did it anyway. 

When Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi started playing, I collapsed on the ground. Right in the middle of the damn living room. The lyrics floated around me and I lost it. A sob ripped out of my mouth and I curled up on the floor. 

  


Bella 

  


Thankfully, the drive back to Phoenix was uneventful. Long; but uneventful. I didn’t communicate with Edward, and thankfully he never reached out either. By the time I got into Phoenix, I was an absolute mess. Well, ok, I was a mess the whole fucking drive. But I wasn’t any better. 

This time I had been smart and I'd texted Rose to let her know I would be there soon. I was hoping to avoid what had happened the last time. She responded that she was at home and would be waiting for me – thank god for her, seriously. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had anywhere to go. 

I knocked on her door, tears still falling down my cheeks. She opened the door and didn’t say anything at all. She just stepped forward and put her arms around me, holding me tightly. I saw Emmett behind her wearing an expression of sadness. They both sensed exactly what was going on; I still hadn’t been able to say anything at all. 

To my surprise, Emmett walked over and put his arms around both of us. I sobbed into Rose’s shoulder, and Emmett’s hand started stroking my hair in a soothing manner. I let it all out. I cried for the loss of my best friend. The love of my life. The loss of everything I'd ever thought I'd needed in my whole life. Everything came out in my tears. 

Rose ushered me in, setting me on the couch, still hugging me tightly. Emmett sat on the other side of me, wrapping his giant arms around me. 

I cried some more. 

  


~~~ 

  


One Month Later 

  


I’d adjusted quickly to my new job. Sue had been surprised when I'd told her I was already back in Phoenix, but she’d ran with it. Mike welcomed me back, with a sad smile, and asked me to work with Eric on everything I'd done in Denver so far. Eric had helped Edward in Orlando, so it was the logical choice to have him take my place. 

I'd transitioned everything Denver related to Eric fairly easily. Ben took over all of my accounts, and before I knew it, I was reporting to Sue and Edward was becoming a distant memory. 

If only that were actually true. 

He was a memory at work. My new position didn’t have me interacting with him at all, so at least during the day I could avoid even thinking about him. At home, in private and when it was quiet, the memories of him would hit me full force. I was still staying with Rose, because Emmett still needed my apartment for another four months at least. She had graciously offered me her guest room, and I'd moved myself in. All of my furniture was still at my apartment, so it was just the stuff I'd taken with me to Denver that was piled in Rose’s guest room. 

I was surviving. 

But I wasn’t happy. 

After the end of the day Friday, one month after I’d gotten back to Phoenix, I'd gone back to Rose’s to lay down on the couch – it was the closest surface to the front door. I'd been feeling exhausted all day. I wasn’t really sleeping well since leaving Denver, the ache in my chest being so predominant. But I wasn’t just tired, I was sick to my stomach. 

When Rose and Emmett walked in later that day, she eyed me carefully, her eyes narrowing. 

“What’s wrong with you?” 

“I just don’t feel well. I think I'm getting the flu or something.” 

“Aw, dude, stay away from me!” Emmett said, taking a step away from me, putting his hands over his mouth. “I can’t get sick, man.” 

Rose walked closer to me though, crouching down and feeling my forehead with her hand. “You don’t have a fever.” 

“No, just sick to my stomach and exhausted.” 

Her eyes narrowed again. “Let me go get you some soup, ok? Won Ton?” 

“Yes, please! Thank you, Rosie.” She always knew what I needed when I was sick. 

She left shortly after that, giving Emmett instructions to give me small sips of water. He did, but I could tell he really didn’t want to be that close to me. 

By the time Rose got back, Emmett had backed up so far, he was practically hitting the wall behind him. If I'd felt better, I probably would have laughed. She sat down and handed me the soup, helping me to sit up. Then, she thrust a paper bag into my hands. 

“What’s this?” 

“Something I want you to do.” 

Curious, I opened the bag only to shriek and throw it to the ground. “You can’t be serious!” 

“Think about it.” 

Emmett, curiosity being stronger than the fear of getting sick, came forward and picked up the bag. His eyes grew wide as he pulled the pregnancy test out of the bag. “Is this possible?” 

I thought back, as Rose had instructed. “Shit. The Friday before I came here for the week. We didn’t use anything.” 

“Nothing? You aren’t on the pill or anything?” Emmett asked incredulously. 

“They make me sick, so I have a really hard time taking them. Edward said condoms were fine, he didn’t mind. But we forgot that night.” Tears came to my eyes again. I looked up at Rose, letting them fall. “What if this is real? What the fuck am I going to do.” 

She set the soup down on the coffee table, and put her arm around me. “We’ll figure it out, sweetie. I know it.” 

I slumped into her, crying for everything all over again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKKK< I know I’m the worst! But I am happy to inform all of you that you will be getting an extra chapter this week. I want to get you guys to happy, since I’ve drug out the angst on this fic. We all want happy, don’t we? Look forward to a teaser tomorrow, and a new chapter on Monday. 
> 
> Don’t get the teasers? Check out the two Facebook groups that I post them to: It All Started With Twilight, and Cheatward’s Spot. Good people, great fic recommendations and my teasers posted twice a week. 
> 
> Thanks as always to zombified419 for being my beta and my closest confidant! Love you! 
> 
> Fic Recs: Star Wars stories: Naberrie blooms by Zombified419, and Blinding Lights by me! Fun, funny and great reads. 
> 
> Look forward to more soon, my friends!


	15. Begin The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Extra chapter this week – and dare I say that we start to shift a little here? I know you are all frustrated with these two, so I wanted to get us here a little faster. Check it out; I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> This chapter’s title is taken from Begin the End by Placebo. Pay close attention to the words here, folks. Very important. No embedded song this time. 
> 
> YouTube Playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

Chapter 15 – Begin The End 

  


Bella 

  


I sat back in the airplane seat, mulling over everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. First, I'd found out that I was pregnant – which brought its own slew of emotions. But the call from Alice had been the worst. I’d been mulling over the positive test while sitting on Rose’s couch when my phone rang. It was Edward’s number, and honestly, I almost didn’t answer. But something told me that I needed to. 

“Hello?” I said, tentatively. Worried about what he was going to say. 

“Bella, thank god. I'm so glad you picked up. I worried that you wouldn’t, given what’s going on with you and Edward,” came Alice’s rushed voice. 

“Alice?” Rose perked up, looking at me strangely. “What’s wrong? Why are you calling me on Edward’s phone?” 

“Bella, something’s happened. I need you to get to Denver as fast as you can.” 

“What happened?” My voice got shrill, desperately worried. Rose sat forward, leaning toward me. I took the phone away from my ear and put her on speaker. 

“It’s Edward. Since you left, he’s been sort of spiraling. I've been worried about him, but I didn’t know how bad it was until I got here. He seems to be barely functioning at work, but he hasn’t answered my calls in the last two weeks. I flew out this morning to check on him, and...it’s bad, Bella.” 

“What’s bad? What is it, Alice?” 

“Edward has been drowning himself in alcohol.” 

Rose gasped, and Alice heard. “Rose is here with me,” I rushed to explain. “What does that mean, exactly? Drowning in alcohol?” 

“I don’t know if he’s been sober for weeks. There are at least 20 bottles of wine, several of beer, all of them empty. His entire apartment is covered in them. I had to get the super to let me in because he didn’t answer. He was asleep on the bathroom floor, covered in vomit surrounded by even more empty bottles.” 

The silence was deafening once she stopped talking. My eyes met Rose’s and she nodded to me. Emmett came out of the kitchen, having heard most of it; he had his phone up to his ear. 

“What’s the first available flight to Denver?” he asked quietly into the phone. 

“I’m on my way, Alice. I need to call my boss first, ok? No way to know how long I'll need to be there.” 

Alice exhaled loudly. “Thank you, Bella. I don’t know what to do. He is responding to me, so I don’t think he needs to go to the hospital, but he won’t talk. He just keeps saying your name.” 

My heart plummeted again. “I’ll be there as soon as I possibly can.” 

“Here’s my number, ok? I was lucky that Edward unlocked his phone for me. I don’t know if he’d do it again. Text me the information and I'll pick you up from the airport, ok?” She rattled off her number, and Rose quickly texted it to me, since we were talking on my phone. 

I rushed to pack a bag; not very much, just whatever I could fit into a carryon. Rose helped me silently, and I couldn’t even feel any judgement coming out of her. Emmett had gotten me on a late-night flight, leaving in three hours. Due to the security lines that were always at the Phoenix airport, I couldn't wait too long before leaving. 

I called Sue on the way to the airport, letting her know that I had a family emergency and I would need some time off. I tried to be vague on the details, and thankfully she didn’t probe. 

“Take care of your family, Bella. But check in with me and let me know how things are going ok?” 

“I will, Sue. Thank you so much.” 

Once I was sitting in the plane, I texted Alice the flight information, as she had asked. Then I sat back and tried not to freak out. 

The plane seemed to take forever to land and then I waited for an eternity just to get off of it. I ran through the large airport, weaving through tired travelers. It was about 4 am at this point, and nobody was moving very fast. I ran as fast as I could, getting out to the front; I texted Alice and let her know I where I was, and she responded quickly that she’d be there as fast as she could. She was in the cell phone waiting lot hoping my plane would land on time. 

I saw her a few minutes later, screeching to a halt in front of me. I jumped in the car, and she sped off while I was still trying to get my seatbelt on. 

“How is he now?” I asked, trying to calm my voice. 

“Getting over whatever alcohol he drank while he was ignoring me last night. He was asleep on the bathroom floor again when I left. I’d managed to get him up and drink some coffee, but around 2 am he grabbed the only bottle of wine that wasn’t empty and chugged it. Then he started throwing up again.” 

I sighed, what the hell was I supposed to do here? Why did she think he would actually listen to me over his twin? 

I said nothing, though, not really sure I wanted to hear anymore. I'd see it soon enough. 

  


~~ 

  


The stink of stale alcohol hit me the second Alice opened the door and I stood there shocked at the sight in front of me. It looked like Alice had tried to clean up some, but she had missed a lot. I saw a dozen empty bottles spread all over the floor, including red spills all over the place where whatever was remaining in the bottle had spilled out. There were takeout containers littering the kitchen counter, the couch was slightly askew and the chair had toppled over, laying on its side. 

I walked through the stench and mess, leaving Alice to continue cleaning up. When I got to the bedroom, it was a similar sight to the living room. I pushed past and made my way to the bathroom, toeing the door open to see Edward stirring slightly. 

It looked like he hadn’t shaved in some time, and there were dark bags under his eyes. He was sitting up slightly, leaning against the bathtub, and he gazed up at me in wonder. 

“Bella...per-feck angel. You look...real this time. Beaut...iful,” he slurred. He was obviously still drunk. 

“Edward, what a mess you’ve made of yourself.” I leaned against the wall next to the door. “How about a shower? And maybe we can get you some more coffee?” 

“Shower?” he asked, as though he’d never heard the word before. Judging by the smell, I was sure he hadn’t seen one in some time. 

“Let me help you, ok?” 

“Help me?” 

I sighed, and closed the bathroom door. I crouched down and helped Edward get out of his clothes, then turned the shower on to warm up. Once he was naked, I noticed that there were several bruises all over his body. I lightly touched one on his chest. 

“How did you get these, Edward?” 

He shrugged. “I fell.” 

“Can you stand?” 

He shrugged again, and I put my arms around him, heaving as best as I could to get him on his feet. Most of his body weight was resting on me, and I almost fell. I sat him down on the toilet seat, and took my own clothes off. There was no way he was going to be able to shower on his own; no use in getting my clothes wet. 

Once I was naked also, I helped him into the shower, stepping in behind him. He slumped over and I grabbed the shampoo, washing his face while he knelt on the floor of the tub. Then I carefully leaned him back to rinse, and I felt his hands slide up my legs. 

“You are so beautiful, Bella,” he murmured, leaning forward and kissing my thigh. 

“Now’s not the time, Edward.” I pulled his head back into the water, continuing to rinse the shampoo out. Then I used the conditioner and did the same process. 

He hadn’t stood up yet, so I grabbed the bar of soap and sat down next to him. I washed everywhere I could reach while he just stared at me, a slight smile on his face. 

“I love you so much it hurts,” he whispered, eyes still glassy. I shivered at the admission, but I knew in my head that he was still drunk. I couldn't exactly believe anything he said right now. 

Once he was as clean as I could get him, I turned off the water and got out first. I toweled myself quickly, then reached for the second one for him. He was shivering by the time I wrapped him up. I dried him off, and then had him sit back down on the toilet seat. I put my clothes back on, and walked into his bedroom searching for new clothes. 

Once I had them, I helped him get dressed and then I practically carried him out into the living room. Alice had done a great job of cleaning up, but the smell was still there. She looked up at us, smiling at me gratefully. 

“Are you hungry, Edward?” 

“Yeah,” he said, already sounding a little less drunk. 

“What would you like? Eggs? Toast?” 

“Yes, please.” 

I carefully led him to the couch that was now straightened and didn’t have any trash on it. Once he was sitting down, I turned to Alice. “Do you need my help?” 

“No, it’s fine. Just sit with him. See if you can get him to talk,” Alice whispered to me, turning around to continue to cook. 

I was very uncomfortable being there, but I inhaled deeply and walked back over to Edward. His eyes followed me, though he didn’t say anything. His eyes were intense as I sat down next to him. 

“Why are you here, Bella?” 

“Alice called me. She was worried about you.” 

“What do you care?” 

“Edward!” Alice admonished from the kitchen. 

I ignored her. “Just because we broke up, doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you.” 

“But to come all the way here just to take care of my drunk ass? You care that much?” 

I grabbed his hand. “I do. You know I do. Nothing will stop me from loving you; you should know that.” 

Edward closed his eyes, squeezing my hand. 

“You’ve been stupid, Edward. How much have you been drinking?” 

“What, like today? I don’t know; I wasn’t exactly counting.” 

“There are bottles all over the apartment, Edward.” He glanced around, and I know that he was thinking I was crazy. I quickly explained. “Alice picked them up already. When I walked in, the smell was horrible – still sort of is – but there were bottles all over the place.” 

Edward shrugged again, not opening his eyes. His hand tightened on mine as he leaned more into the couch. “I’m so glad you are here.” 

I sighed. This wasn’t going well. 

  


~~~ 

  


I was able to convince Edward to eat a little and drink some more coffee while Alice searched the apartment to see if there was any more alcohol. Once she was satisfied, she set about cleaning up the spilled drink and everything else that was causing a smell. Edward dozed on and off after eating, and I just sat with him. He was very quiet, hardly saying anything. Every now and then he would tell me how glad he was that I was there, or that I was so beautiful. That was all he would say, though. 

After Alice left to run to the store – Edward being shockingly low on food and supplies – he finally started to wake up a little. His eyes opened and I noticed that they were bloodshot, but not nearly as glassy as they had been. 

“Bella?” he asked, licking his dry and cracked lips. “What are you doing here?” 

“You don’t remember?” 

He closed his eyes. “Did you shower with me? Feed me?” 

“Yes.” 

His eyes shot open, staring into mine. “Why?” 

I sighed, here we go again. “Because you needed me. I'm here to help you.” 

“How long can you stay?” 

I smiled at him. “I can stay for a few days. Just until you are back on your feet. I have to get back to my job.” 

He smiled back. “Thank you, Bella.” 

By the time Alice got back, Edward had dozed off again. I got up and helped her put all the food away, taking the opportunity to chat with her for a little bit. 

“How is he doing now?” she asked me, eyes concerned. 

“Better. I think the alcohol is wearing off a little. He seemed more coherent to me.” 

She bit her lip. “I’m supposed to fly back tomorrow. I have stuff to do at work next week. Are you able to stay for a bit?” She walked over to me, putting her hand on my arm. “I know it’s not your responsibility anymore, and I totally get it if you don’t want to stay. I'm just asking.” 

“I got a few days off. I can stay and help him. But I have to leave Friday night no matter how he’s doing.” 

Alice nodded. “That’s totally fair. It was so great of you to come out here. I really think you will be the one to get through to him.” 

I glanced over at his sleeping form. “You may be right.” 

The next 24 hours were pretty hard. Edward tried to find more alcohol, and when there wasn’t any, he threw a sort of temper tantrum. Alice and I had to restrain him, but the shaking started soon after. He was detoxing, according to Alice, and it would get worse before it would get better. 

“It can take up to five days to fully detox.” 

“Oh my god, Alice. Is that true?” I asked, wiping a wet cloth over the back of Edward’s head. He was throwing up again, still shaking uncontrollably. 

“That’s what the internet says.” She was on her phone, sitting next to me on the floor. 

“What else should I expect while he’s going through this?” 

Alice continued to read. “Fatigue, muscle weakness and or pain, emotional outbursts, fever, dizziness...you know what, I'll just text you this link. It says it can vary for each person, depending on how long they were drinking, how much, their tolerance and so on.” 

Edward heaved again, and I rubbed his back soothingly. “Alice, don’t you need to get to the airport soon?” 

She hesitated. “I don’t want to leave you alone to deal with this.” 

“It’s fine, trust me. I've had experience with people detoxing.” 

She cocked her head to the side. “Really? Who?” 

“My mother; but that’s a story for another time. Go, we’ll be fine. I'll call or text you updates, ok? If he’s still like this when I have to leave on Friday, I'll check him into a facility that can take over. I promise.” 

“Ok,” she said, though she still seemed reluctant. Alice scooted over, kissing Edward on the back of his head. “I love you, little brother. I’ll call you later, ok?” 

Edward mumbled something, but he wasn’t really conscious of everything going on around him at the moment. Alice got up slowly, glancing back at us. I put my hand to his back again. 

“Thank you for this, Bella.” 

“You are welcome, Alice.” 

  


~~~ 

  


The next few days were the worst of my life. The rest of Sunday was similar to how the morning went: shaking and vomiting. Monday was an almost severe depression; crying, pleading, begging me to kill him. Tuesday was dizziness and nausea, though he had been able to keep food down at least. But he really wasn’t hungry. I'd had to force him to eat a few times, but only managed to get light broth and crackers in him. 

Wednesday is when he finally turned a corner. I was sleeping on the couch, with his door open so I could hear him in case he needed anything, when he woke me up. He was sitting on the floor next to me, his hand on my arm. 

“Edward?” I asked, sitting up slightly. “Are you ok?” 

“I had a...this sounds so childish, but I had a bad dream. That you were hurt. I just wanted to make sure you were ok.” His voice sounded sincere. 

I sat up all the way and opened my arms to him. We’d gone through this the last two nights, but he had been more frantic before. This time he seemed much more lucid, but still scared. He got onto the couch and I put my arms around him, holding him tight. I had successfully ignored all of the pain of losing him this whole week – except for the times when I had my arms around him. It physically hurt to have him this close. 

Because the truth was, I missed him. His smell – when he showered regularly, of course – and the way it felt to have him nearby. It made my heart stutter. 

“Thank you, Bella.” Edward’s breath was on my neck, making me shiver. 

“What for, Edward?” 

“For being here for me. And...” he leaned back, placing his hand on my cheek. “For staying even after everything I've put you through.” 

“It’s ok, Edward. I’m happy that I could help you. You know that I have to go home on Friday? Do you remember me telling you that?” 

He nodded, bringing me back into his arms. We sat like that for some time, but I felt my eyes getting heavy. I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up in the morning laying half on top of Edward, still on the couch. His arms were around me, my face nuzzled into his neck. 

He ate better on Wednesday, too. Not as sick to his stomach, and he was barely shaking. It seemed that he had turned a corner. While he was eating, I checked in with my boss, since she had asked me to. 

“Hey, Sue, sorry for not calling sooner.” 

“It’s no problem Bella. How are you doing? Everything going ok?” 

“Yeah, things are getting better. I should be back on Monday. I really appreciate you giving me the time off this week.” 

“I understand family issues, Bella, it’s really no problem. Thanks for checking in; and I hope things continue to get better.” 

“Thanks, Sue.” 

By Thursday, he seemed almost back to normal. I was thankful that I didn’t have to look into checking him into a facility. I wasn’t even sure how to go about doing that. 

I kept in contact with Alice, who sounded very relieved. My conversation with Rose had been scary, though. 

“He’s almost back to his old self as of today,” I said to her, while Edward was in the shower. 

“Then you need to tell him.” 

I stopped pacing, flopping down into the chair. “I don’t think I can.” 

“He deserves to know, sweetie. I understand how scary that can be, but you know that, Bella. He has to be told.” 

“I know he does,” I said, sighing. “It’s just such a hard conversation to have.” 

“What’s a hard conversation?” Edward asked, coming out of his bedroom. I salivated for a second before I remembered that he was still in recovery. He was bare chested, and only had a towel covering him. 

“Just tell him, please. It's better to do it in person.” Rose hadn’t heard Edward come in. 

“Edward’s out of the shower now, so I better get going.” 

“Tell him!” she said, before I hung up on her. 

“Hey, feeling better?” I asked, locking my phone and setting it down on the coffee table. 

“Yeah, thanks. So, what’s a hard conversation?” He wasn’t going to let it go. 

“Go get dressed, and I'll tell you.” I seriously couldn’t look at him in only a towel for too long. I wasn’t that strong of a person. 

A few minutes later he came out, barefooted in sweats and a t-shirt. He sat down on the couch and looked at me expectedly. 

I sighed and scooted forward. “I have something to tell you. It's not going to be easy to hear, but I really think you should know.” 

  


Edward 

  


After the horrible week I'd had, the scariest part was what Bella had just said. The first thing I thought was that she had found someone new. That there was no future possibility for us. Foolishly, I had hoped that since she didn’t report to me anymore, we would be able to at least talk about us again. But she had never reached out. So, I'd sunk into a depression, resulting in my week of agony. 

But right now, the beautiful woman in my living room had my full attention. 

She shifted again, as if she were nervous. “The thing is, Edward...” She paused, biting her lip. “Do you remember before I went to Phoenix to visit Rose? After our fight?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Remember when we...you know...” 

“When we, what?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Do you remember when you fucked me against the wall?” 

My cheeks felt heated. Not my finest hour – although, it really had felt amazing. “Yes, that I remember. Vividly.” 

This time, she blushed. “Do you remember using a condom that night?” 

I stared blankly at her. Of course we hadn’t...there really wasn’t any time because the whole thing happened so fast. We were both drunk, so it didn’t really occur to me at all. “No?” 

Her eyes met mine and she was silent. We stared at each other for a few minutes, and I was starting to get frustrated. 

“And?” 

“And do you really not know where I'm going with this?” She stared at me for another minute. “I’m pregnant, Edward.” 

My heart stopped beating. “What?” 

“I. Am. Pregnant. And it’s yours, in case you hadn’t figured that out.” 

I pushed myself forward, falling on my knees, and reaching for her. Her arms slid around my neck cautiously, while I wrapped myself around her as tight as I could. I shifted her legs so that I was in-between them and pulled her even closer. 

“God, Bella...” I leaned back and pressed my lips to hers. “Marry me.” 

She pulled back out of my grasp. “What?” 

“I said marry me. You have been everything I ever wanted since I fell in love with you. Please, marry me. Let us be a family together.” 

She stared at me; her mouth slightly open. “Do you think marriage will solve all of our problems?” 

“I love you, Bella,” I whispered, finally feeling a break somewhere inside me that let me say it to her without freaking out. “And, I’m sorry that I didn’t say it to you before. I'm sorry that I tried to take over your life and didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry for losing so much time with you because I didn’t talk to you. I love you...I love you...I love you...” I punctuated each phrase with a kiss to her face. Love was literally pouring out of me. I felt like I was glowing. 

“Edward,” she whispered, pulling back from me. “I love you, too. I never stopped. But we can’t just get married and expect all our problems will be fixed.” She cupped my cheek. “Thank you for telling me. When I was awake, and no one else was in the room.” 

I smiled at her. “Does it make any difference?” I whispered back to her. 

Her smile dropped. “It does, but not enough for me to marry you. We have a kid on the way, so I can’t believe I'm going to say this. We have to take things slow. Or nothing works out for us in the end.” 

I nodded, feeling sad, yet slightly relieved. “So you aren’t saying no?” 

“I’m saying that neither of us are ready for marriage. But I am also saying that we can’t lose contact again. Unless you don’t want to be a part of this child’s life?” 

“No, Bella, of course I do. I want any part you’ll give me.” 

“He’s just as much yours as he is mine. I want you in his life.” 

I felt tears well up in my eyes. “He?” 

She shrugged. “That’s just how I see the baby when I picture it. It’s too early to know yet.” 

I tightened my arms around her. “Will we really try again?” 

“I have to protect my heart, Edward. As long as you don’t do this type of shit again, yes. But,” she warned, her face totally serious. “We are not sleeping together again for a long time. We have to take this slow. Understood?” 

I smiled up at her. “Whatever you want. I'll do anything to be with you...and him.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have some things to work out, but this time it’s on the mend. There are only a few chapters left now, and we have found a turning point in the story. I hope that you all have enjoyed this little ride we’ve been on! 
> 
> Thanks as always to my lovely beta, keeping me going through everything out there designed to make me stop writing. Zombified419 you are an amazing BBBB!! If you like Star Wars fics, please check out Naberrie Blooms. It’s my first time being a beta, and it’s just a lovely story. 
> 
> Also, I have my own Star Wars fics going on at AO3. If you are interested 😊 
> 
> See you again on Wednesday!


	16. With Arms Wide Open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL, I meant to post this in the morning, but the day got away from me. Sorry for the delay friends. Enjoy! 
> 
> Song title comes from Creed’s With Arms Wide Open. A lovely song that just worked so much for me. Also, the embedded song is Big Girls Don’t Cry by Fergie. I love this song, and while the wording may not be exact, it’s just too fun and I had to add it in. Hopefully you’ll all forgive me for that LOL. 
> 
> YouTube playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

Chapter 16 – With Arms Wide Open

Edward

After Bella flew back to Phoenix, I had to hold myself together alone. It was easier knowing that she was willing to try, but that didn’t mean it was easy ignoring the alcohol. I avoided that aisle in the grocery store, and I had been successful so far. It felt like a start

I had to continue to work through the office opening, but I was itchy to see Bella again. I started calling her every night, and this time I didn’t just talk; I listened. None of the conversations were sexual at all. And even though I wanted her – so much that it almost hurt – it was wonderful really getting to know her.

“I can’t believe you did that,” I said, laughing. “Over a flat surface, Bella, really?”

“Look! I am crazy accident prone, ok? I wasn’t trying to break my leg!” She was laughing with me.

“What did your parents say?” I asked, still chuckling. But I stopped when I heard how quiet Bella got. “Bella?”

“I’m sorry, my, uh, parents aren’t around anymore. It's hard to think about them sometimes.”

I swallowed thickly. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t, it’s fine. It's a logical question. I still get upset when I think about them, is all. They were taken from me so suddenly.”

“Will you tell me about them some day? When you’re ready?”

“I’d like that.”

I treaded carefully after that, making sure not to ask about or mention her parents. But slowly she started to open up about them, too. It was enchanting getting to know everything about her, even the hard stuff. After a month of this, I was starting to go crazy though. I really needed to see Bella again, and I was already missing out on things.

“What did the doctor say today? Everything going ok?”

“Yeah, I got to hear the heart beat again! Oh, and I have a sonogram picture for you. I’ll text it to you.”

“Thank you, Bella,” I sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing...I just...I really want to be there for this stuff. I am missing out on everything already.”

She was quiet for a few moments. “How much longer until the office is opened up?”

“Probably six months?” I chewed my lip; a habit I was sure I'd picked up from her. “Not sure.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

So, things were going well except for that. I missed her. And I wanted to be a part of everything that she  was going through. I wanted to watch her get bigger with my child. I wanted to go to doctor appointments, help her buy the furniture she needed; I wanted everything, and I was fucking stuck.

That's when I made a decision. I knew it would cost me; my job, at minimum. But it would be worth it. I'd find a new one, and I didn’t  fucking care. I needed to do this.

“Hello, Edward. How are things in Denver today?” Mike asked, answer the call on the first ring.

“Well, thank you. We got back on schedule a couple weeks ago and the second floor is fully under construction now.”

“That’s good. And Eric is good up there?”

“Yeah, he’s doing a great job. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” I got up and closed my office door, knowing that I couldn’t let anyone hear what I was going to say. “I don’t think I can stay in Denver much longer, Mike.”

He was silent for a beat. “Why is that? There's at least six months more work to do there.”

“I, um, well...the truth is that my girlfriend, who lives in Phoenix is pregnant. I really want to move down there to be with her.”

This time the silence was longer, and the tension was so thick you could cut it. “Your girlfriend.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes, my girlfriend. I really can’t stay here for another six months. I'll miss the entire pregnancy.”

“Is this someone I know?”

This is what I was dreading, but I knew that I couldn’t lie. Eventually it would all come out – especially once Bella started to show. She was in the same office as Mike. What I should have done, though, was talk to Bella about this first. I wasn’t thinking about any impact to her, only to myself. And how much I wanted to be with her.

“Yes.”

More silence. “Bella?”

“Yes.”

“Edward,” Mike said, sighing. “Please tell me you weren’t sleeping with her when she reported to you?”  he asked, but he had to know the answer already.

This time, I was silent. Mike sighed again.

“I feel like I should get HR involved now, Edward. If that wasn’t going to Bella’s boss that is. I don’t know how to deal with this information.”

“We separated, and she works for someone else now. But it doesn’t change how I feel about her.”

“You know that’s not the point, here.”

“I know. Look, Mike, I fucked up. But it ended up being the best thing in my life. I love her more than anything, and now she’s having my baby. I hope you can at least understand why I need to be with her.”

“There is a policy that we have at this company, Edward. I’m sure you are aware.”

“I am.”

He continued as if he hadn’t heard me. “A manager or supervisor of an employee may not enter into a sexual relationship with them, if said manager can affect the terms of employment for this employee,” Mike recited. Of course, I knew all of this, having had to take the sexual  harassment training each year. 

And I also knew what was coming next.

“I don’t think we can keep you on as an employee based on this information, Edward.”

“I figured as much, Mike. I’ll transition everything over to Eric to complete Denver if you want me to. But I'll pack everything up tonight and be out as soon as you want.”

“I’ll give Sue a call today and let her know what’s going on. Bella was a party to this, too.”

“This isn’t her fault, please,” I rushed to explain. “I am the manager, and I put her in a horrible position. Our relationship got much better after she left as a result. Please don’t get her in trouble for anything. Mike, she’s pregnant and all alone.”

“We have to talk to her at least. If there was any sexual  harassment , or you forced her in anyway, then we have to take legal action.”

I stopped breathing at that point. “I promise there wasn’t.”

“I have to ask her myself, Edward. Go ahead and clear out now. I need you out of the apartment by end of day, and return the car rental also by end of day. Anything that you are currently working on will be figured out. I’ll fly up there to help Eric...and I’ll be in touch about the legal aspect of all this.”

“I understand. I am sorry that I disappointed you, Mike. And I'm sorry that this happened the way it did.”

“Me, too, Edward. Good luck, son.”

“Thanks.”

I got all of my personal items – which really wasn’t very much – and called Eric in. I explained that I no longer worked for the company as of today and that he was officially in charge. He was understandably shocked, and I could tell he wanted to ask me what happened. Thankfully, we were able to get down to business. We talked over a few things I needed him to know, before I handed him my entry badge, and left. I told him that I would leave the keys to my apartment under his door mat, so he could handle returning them for me.

I called Bella on the way to the apartment, bracing myself for her anger.

“You got fired?” she asked in a small voice.

“Yeah, I was expecting to.”

“I don’t understand. Why did you tell him then?”

“I’m moving to Phoenix, Bella. I don’t want to be away from you or the baby.” She was quiet. “I’m not asking to move in with you or anything like that; I'll get my own place, but I want to be there if you need me. Go to doctor appointments, that sort of thing. I can’t do that from here, or Chicago.”

“But...your job!”

“Oh, before I forget, Mike guessed it was you. He's going to be talking to Sue. I’d appreciate it if you tell them it was a mistake, but that I didn’t pressure you into anything.”

“I mean, obviously, but did they threaten legal action or something?”

“I didn’t want there to be any misgivings about this. As soon as you start to show, he was going to know it’s you anyway. Better to be up front about it in the beginning. Also, if they think I pressured you into anything then I could go to jail.”

“God, Edward, I wish we had talked this over first.”

“I know, and I am trying to get better about that. This situation really just came out. I wasn’t intending any of it at the time, but as soon as the words were out, I knew it was the right thing to do.” I swallowed thickly. “I love you, Bella. And I don’t want anything in our way anymore.”

She sighed. “I love you, too. It’s not fair that you lost your job and I may not. It was both of us in this, not you. That's what I'll tell them. If I get fired, then so be it. We'll figure it out, right?”

“Consequences, Bella. That's what happens when you make stupid decisions, right? I will never call this a stupid decision, but the timing wasn’t right. We should have waited until you didn’t report to me anymore and then started a relationship. Given how we felt about each other; you know, if we’d just been honest and talked to each other.”

She chuckled a little. “We aren’t good at that part.”

“We are getting better.”

“Yeah, Edward. We are.”

Bella

Fortunately, the meeting with Sue and Mike wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Sue was definitely not happy with the situation, Mike seemed really uncomfortable, and honestly, I was lucky to come out of the conversation still holding my job. But I was on probation. And my boss kept looking at me with a certain level of  disgust . 

Sigh.

At first, I was upset about Edward telling Mike without discussing me. But I kept reminding myself that I was forcing him to change things about himself for me – such as telling me he loved me all the time – and this one needed to be on me. I lived in my head so much that I could have easily taken this as an offense, rather than what it was; Edward just wanted to be with me. He was  coming clean and being honest, and I needed to support that – and him.

But things outside of work were going well. Better than I thought possible, actually. Rose and Emmett had decided to move in together, so I was finally back at my own place. I was emptying the second bedroom in preparation for the baby’s stuff, and waiting for Edward to tell me when he was moving. Doctor visits weren’t very regular, only once a month, and I wasn’t as sick as I had been.

Yeah, things were getting better.

The day was hard because of the conversation, but I had at least been prepared for it. I wasn’t prepared for someone sitting on my doorstep when I got home.

“Edward! What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were going back to Chicago!” He stood up and hugged me; I hugged him back, but was really shocked.

“I wanted to see you. It’s been a month, so I shipped my stuff to Chicago and got on a plane here.” He leaned back, smiling down at me. “How are you feeling today? Still sick, or better?”

My smile took over my face. “Much better. Come in, I need to eat or I'll have to amend that statement.”

He laughed, grabbing his bag and following me inside. He set everything down, and walked into the kitchen. “What can I make you?”

My eyebrow went up. “You can’t cook. Are you trying to poison me and your child?”

Edward blushed, smiling sheepishly. “Just trying to help.”

“Let me show you how it’s done. I have everything for spaghetti, and the baby totally needs that right now.” I set about getting everything ready, and he sat down at the kitchen table just watching me.

“The baby needs it?” he joked, leaning his head against his hand on the table.

“Yes, didn’t you know that cravings are actually the baby’s wants and needs coming through?” I laughed, stirring the sauce in the pan. “ Haven't you read any baby books or anything?”

“I’ve been reading!” he admonished, but still laughed. “Just, you know, the dad books. How to be supportive to your spouse and stuff like that.”

I stopped stirring, turning around to look at him. “Spouse?”

He swallowed thickly, and I could tell he was uncomfortable. “Well, I mean, I didn’t really find any books that said ‘How to Support Your Knocked up Girlfriend.’”

“Edward...”

He stood up and came over to me, wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my head, leaning against me. “I told you I would never lie to you. If you want to know, I'll tell you.”

“Tell me.”

“Yes, I want to marry you some day. But I want us to be good first. We are getting there, aren’t we? Things seem so much easier and better now than they ever were before.”

Tears clouded my eyes, and I nodded; grateful that he couldn’t see that I was crying. “Yes, we are better. Things are better.”

“I love you. You know?”

I nodded again. “I know.” I leaned back slightly, looking up at him, suddenly not caring if he knew I was crying. “Thank you for always telling me that. You have no idea what it does to me to hear you actually say those words.”

He smiled  slightly , lifting his hand to brush away the tears. “If you let me, I'll tell you every day for the rest of our lives.”

The shift of the air in the apartment was thick, and even more tears came down. “Yes; but, not now. I want to marry you, too, but not right now. Let’s just get through this pregnancy and you living here and everything, and we’ll figure it all out. Deal?”

His smile spread wide. “Deal.”

“Ok, now, shoo, or I'll never get this food done. I'm going to put on some music; that ok?”

He nodded, kissing my head again, before turning to go back to the kitchen table. “I love hearing you sing. What do you have for me today, beautiful?”

“Hmmm...I was thinking I wanted some Fergie today.”

“Uh. From the Black Eyed Peas?”

“Yeah, but this song I wanted to hear was actually just her, not the band.”

I stirred the sauce again, and then turned around to grab my phone. I navigated to the favorites list, rather than a playlist, and put on Big Girls Don’t Cry. It didn’t really fit the mood of the room, but for some reason I'd had it in my head all day. I hit play, locking my phone and setting it down on the counter.

I sang along easily, enjoying the lower tones of the music. At some point, Edward got back up and put his arms around me from behind. I hugged his arms briefly, but it didn’t deter me from cooking. I hadn’t been kidding when I said I needed to eat. I'd found fairly quickly that if I ate every couple  hours that I could avoid the majority of the nausea.

We continued to talk, once the food was ready and I'd shut off the music. But Edward insisted that he not sleep with me in my bed – something about not wanting to move too fast.

“If I'm with you in that bed I can’t be held responsible for where my hands go,” he said, smirking. “I want to do this right; like we  haven't done so far. And if that means waiting, then that’s what we’ll do.”

“But what if I want you with me? Not for sex, just to have you close. I missed you,” I said, in an almost embarrassing whine.

He kissed my forehead. “I’ll be on the couch. If you need me, come and find me.”

After that, I got ready for bed and considered what he had said. It had been my rule, to be fair. No sex until we were good; better. But we were better...

“This is just your hormones talking,” Rose said. I'd called her as I got into bed, just needing a voice of reason.

“I know that has to be part of it. But, Rose, we are better. We talk all the time and not about sex or anything. Just getting to know each other. Everything you are supposed to do when you are dating.”

“Bella, you are an adult. So is he - I assume; some of his behavior does have me questioning that sometimes...”

“Your point, Rose?”

“My point is, if you want to fuck him, do it. Who cares? You are adults.”

“I don’t want to mess this up.”

“Then don’t.”

“A lot of fucking help you are.”

“Just telling it like it is, sweetie.” Rose laughed. “Seriously, though, I agree with you. You have done the fast and furious with the fucking, and look where it got you both? Edward is fired from his  job; you are pregnant and struggling. You fought all the time, he had an alcohol binge...I mean, any logical person will say that you need to wait.”

I sighed, leaning into my pillow a little more. “Yeah, I know you are right. Doesn't help my cravings, though.”

“You’ll get through it. And when you stop  questioning whether you should or shouldn’t, that’s when it will happen. You'll know when you are there.”

“How are things with Emmett?”

Rose sighed, and I could almost hear a smile on her lips. “He’s just amazing. Keeps me grounded, and laughing all the time. And the sex...oh my god, Bella...”

I laughed. “God, stop! Did we not just establish that I can’t have sex with my boyfriend? Don’t even start that shit with me right now! My head literally can’t take it.”

Rose laughed again. “I love you sweetie. Get some sleep, ok?”

“You, too. And, Rose? Thank you for always being here for me.”

“That will never change, Bella.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some steps forward. The month of conversations and just talking and listening – that's what was sooooo needed for these two. 
> 
> We are winding down, folks! Only two more chapters and the epilogue. More coming up on Saturday! 
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta, zombified419! Love you to death, my friend! 
> 
> Have a great rest of your week!


	17. That's All I’ve Got to Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A necessary step forward for these two. Just a quick note that if you feel the baby is solving all of their problems, keep in mind that sometimes having a baby will make people realize they have to grow up. If they want to raise their child together, communication and growing is necessary for them. I’m sorry if you feel that this was rushed, but this was the logical way I felt my characters would behave. 
> 
> Also, we are closing in on the end here. We have only one more chapter before the epilogue, so the story will finish next week. I have to say thank you to all of you who have stuck by me in this story. 
> 
> This chapter is taken by Art Garfunkel’s That’s All I’ve Got to Say. I’ve heard this song a lot over the years, but until I heard it on The Orville, with Leighton Meester and Scott Grimes singing it, that I truly fell in love with the song. Please be sure to listen to it through the playlist. It’s really a wonderful version. 
> 
> The embedded songs this time are two of my favorite song’s: Happy by Pharrell Williams, and All of Me by John Legend. Some of the words in these songs just make me smile, and keep smiling for a while. It felt needed in this chapter. Enjoy! 
> 
> YouTube playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

Chapter 17 – That's All I’ve Got to Say

Edward

“Edward,” I heard someone whisper. 

I cracked my eyes open, squinting through my sleep haze to see Bella leaning over me. I shifted to my side a little and she slid in next to me. “Are you ok?”

She shuddered a little, squeezing in closer to me, laying her hand on chest just to slide it around my side. “Bad dream.”

I kissed her forehead, settling her against me even tighter. “I’m sorry, baby.”

She huffed a laugh. “You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Felt appropriate. Want me to stop?”

“No, it’s fine. For some stupid reason it’s a hell of a lot better than babe. I honestly don’t know why.”

I laughed, pressing my lips to her forehead again. My arms tightened around her, enjoying the closeness. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Her head shifted up and I looked down into her amazing chocolate eyes. It was dark, but I could see her intent in them. I had to be strong - I couldn’t lose control now when things were going so well. But there was no harm just kissing her, right? 

Right?

Well, I did it anyway. I lowered my face and captured her lips. She moaned immediately at the contact, her hands bunching up my shirt on my back. My lips continued to attack hers and, as always happened when I was with Bella, I grew hard immediately. 

Somewhere in the back of my brain it registered that we shouldn’t be doing this yet, and I pulled back, kissing her nose lightly. “Careful, love. We need to slow down.”

Bella sat up and I felt her gaze penetrating into me. “What did you call me?”

“Love? Is that ok?”

And then she attacked me. Her small body slid on top of mine, shifting me to my back with her legs on either side of me. Her mouth moved with purpose and I was out of breath almost immediately. 

“I. Fucking. Love. That.” she said, her kissing punctuating her words.

I sat up, taking her with me, kissing her with everything I had. An immense feeling of rightness and heavy emotion swirled around me as our lips moved in sync. This was everything I'd wanted since the first time I'd seen her, and finally – FINALLY – we were in a place where we were both happy.

It had cost me my job; sure. But I'd gotten Bella in return, and the baby she was carrying. And in this moment, I couldn’t tell her how I felt exactly how I felt, because it was overwhelming. The core of what I felt for her, how I had been able to open up to her out of necessity, was striking me heavily at this exact moment. What we had gone through, what we had done to each other. 

How I had fucked up.

It was everything – she was everything. And I couldn’t keep my hands off of her. I shifted into a standing position, her legs going around me easily. I slowly walked us to the bedroom, wanting to make sure that if we were going to do this, we did  it fucking right.

I set her down carefully, still trying to find my voice. But I realized that I didn’t need it. Because I had learned to tell her, she already knew. The hallway light shone in her eyes as they stared up at me; I saw the love there; reflected from me into her and back. And I almost choked back a sob at the intensity of it.

I settled on top of her, and I kissed her again. This time, though, the rush was gone. It was slow, purposeful, and amazing. My hand snaked down the side of her body, pulling on her leg, which settled around mine. Keeping my hand there, rubbing her hip slightly, I continued to kiss her softly. I couldn’t stay that way for too long, though. We had entirely too many clothes on.

I sat up, my body already screaming at the separation, and reached back to pull my shirt off. Bella sat up as well, taking her shirt off. Our eyes didn’t leave each other's. She laid back down, and I hovered over her, kissing her lightly before reaching to her pajama pants. I pulled them down slowly, and she bit her lip. I was fascinated with how she looked in this moment, biting her lip and completely naked beneath me.

Unfortunately, that caused a little bit of a frenzy within my head that I had to stop immediately. This was not about rushing toward the end – this was about savoring the woman that I loved so much it  consumed me.

Carefully, ever aware of her changing body, I laid myself down on top of her. I kept my weight on my arms, but slid in-between her legs again. I slowly brought my mouth back to hers, and I felt her legs shifting my pants down. I ignored that, continuing to kiss her softly; I was still relishing in the feeling of truly, and openly, being with her.

The problem was that I wanted to tell her everything. I  _ needed _ to. All the thoughts that I'd had about her the whole time I'd loved her. Every second of team meetings that I pined for her; the way she smelled when I was close; the way she looked after I kissed her for the first time. I needed everything to come out.

But I couldn’t focus on the words that I needed out. So, I showed her how I felt. I ran my hand along her body, biting her bottom lip lightly. She moaned into my mouth and that spurred me on. I rubbed against her center, my dick straining and desperate to get inside her.

But I wasn’t going to rush it.

Separating from her lips, I kissed her slowly down her neck, nipping at the skin of her shoulder. Continuing to push my way down her body, I tried to kiss every available piece of skin. My tongue traced little hearts all down her chest before sucking one nipple into my mouth. Bella arched into me, fisting her hands in my hair. I groaned at the contact, and shifted to her other nipple. My hand was still roaming her body, down her leg and softly over her thigh. The stretch of leg between her knee and hip was so soft, and I touched her lightly with the back of my hands. Bella shivered at the contact.

I continued to move my way down, just enjoying the taste of her skin. She was humming, her body practically shaking. I leaned up, separating my lips from her skin to look at her. She opened her eyes, keeping them hooded, to stare at me.

“You are humming. Did you know?”

Her face reddened. “Sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“I love your voice, Bella. Do you want to put on music?” I kissed her just above her belly button softly, then quickly sat up and grabbed her phone. It was sitting on the bedside table, charging. I handed it to Bella. “I hope you don’t have to play the angry music right now.”

She giggled, taking the phone and unlocking it. “No angry music today.” She selected a song, locking the phone and handing it back to me. I set it down on the bedside table again, and took my place back at her belly button.

I smirked as I recognized the song: Happy by Pharrell Williams. It was exactly the right song for how I was feeling at this moment. I started to hum along, joining Bella’s tones already in the air, as I resumed my gentle kissing of her stomach. As my lips got further down her body, lightly nipping at the skin on her thighs, her humming faltered and her breath caught.

The song filled me and seemed to surround us, but soon all I noticed was the shiver of her body as my tongue landed on her clit. She moaned, humming along to the music gone, as I angled myself to lick her again and again before sucking her into my mouth. For a moment she held her breath, but I kept going. My hand is still moving lightly along her skin while my mouth continued to move.

It didn’t take long before she’s gasping and pulling at my hair, but I kept going; riding her orgasm as best as I can through the moderate pain on my head. It's enjoyable, though, and I take it. I'll take whatever she can give me; whatever she  _ wants  _ to give me.

When she finally pushed me away from her overly sensitive body, I slowly kissed my way back up until I'm lined up with her again. Her eyes are lidded, half closed. But they stare up at me exuding happiness through the chocolate orbs I loved so much.

I had to tell her. 

It takes me too long to get my lips to work, forming the words that I always should have been saying to her. But they come eventually.

“You are so beautiful,” I whispered, kissing her lightly. “For so long I wondered what it would be like to have this with you. To be open and vulnerable to the one person in the whole world that made me feel...everything. The way that you are, the love you have for everyone around you just makes me feel weak. You are the one person in my life that makes me want to be a better man; who makes me feel the earth moves.

“When I'm with you like this, I feel so much it’s almost overwhelming. My heart could simply beat out of my chest and explode and I would be ok with it because I was with you. If you were the last thing I ever saw, it would be perfect. 

“I love you; more than I could ever put into words.”

I watched as her eyes grew wider, and then teary. I reached up and gently wiped the tears away as they fell silently down her face. She reached for me and I brought my lips back down to her, leaning slightly so that I could line myself up with her, slipping in slowly and with purpose. Her breath hitched, but she didn’t stop kissing me. I moved slowly, savoring every breath and every sound. Her legs came around my body, and I shifted one hand down to cup her ass and push her into me more.

My movements were gruelingly slow while I kept my lips locked to hers. She started moving with me, and we met each other thrust for thrust. We moaned into each other’s mouths, keeping time with gentle swipes of our tongues against the other. The movement was overwhelming, as I'd said, and I felt myself getting caught up in everything Bella.

Her smell invaded my mind, the touch of her lips heated against mine. The feeling of rightness soared around us, filling me with so much love for this woman I thought I would burst.

But eventually, neither one of us could handle slow any longer. I'd been like this with her for hours – or minutes; it was hard to tell. We tacitly agreed to start moving faster, our lips still connected. I felt her clench up again, falling over the edge and milking me so hard I saw stars. And came moments later, surging within her, her name spilling from my mouth.

We kissed slowly again, as I was shrinking inside her. Neither of us made a move to separate, continuing to savor the moment of being together.

Home. That's what I felt. I was home, and it was the most amazing feeling I'd ever experienced in my life.

Bella

I woke up at some point in early morning, Edward holding me from behind. Tears threatened to fall again remembering everything he had said and done the night before. I never knew that I could feel this happy.

We had made love twice, and that’s what it had been. Making love. It wasn’t anything other than physically expressing to each other just how deep our love went, though he had said the words to me also. That was a powerful moment for me – for our relationship, really. I knew how hard it was for him, but he did it because he knew I needed to hear it, and because it felt right in that moment.

And it really had felt amazing to hear.

We had forgotten about the music when we had finally worn each other out, so my phone was still softly playing. I had chosen songs from my ‘love tracks’ playlist, because it had felt appropriate. Edward stirred behind me slightly as John Legend’s All of Me came on.

To my amazement, Edward started to sing the lyrics softly in my ear, his arm tightening around me. He would pause every now and then to kiss my shoulders or neck, but he ended up singing almost the entire song. I was a blubbering mess by the time the song was over.

Edward shifted me so that we were facing each other. “I do, you know. Love all of you.”

I laughed, tears still streaming down my face. “And I love all of you, too. You are exactly what I always wanted. I'm so happy to be with you, Edward.”

He put his hand on my cheek, catching my tears. “Did I ever tell you about the first moment I knew I was in love with you?”

My breath caught; he was getting better about talking about his feelings, but sometimes it still surprised me. “No, I don’t think so.” I tried to sound unaffected.

“Remember when that client was threatening to sever their contract with us, and you, me and Mike were all on the phone with them at the same time? This was maybe three years ago.”

I searched my memory, but it sounded like half a dozen different interactions with clients over the years. I shook my head. “Not offhand, no.”

“Well, I'll never forget it. You hadn’t found your voice yet, and so you let Mike and I do most of the talking. But I wasn’t as familiar with this client as you were, so you stayed on mute  IMing me the information I needed to answer their questions and issues. Mike told me later that he was really impressed with my knowledge of your client, and I waved him off telling him you had helped me.

“But when I went to thank you, you were embarrassed by it. You told me that you were happy to do whatever to make sure I was successful.” He kissed my forehead. “At the time, in my full-on crush I had in my head, it felt like you were saying it to me, Edward, not me, your boss.”

I cocked my head up, looking at him. “And that’s what made you fall in love with me?”

He laughed. “No, that’s what helped me  _ realize  _ I was in love with you. I fell long before that.”

I bit my lip. “Will you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“Why you fell for me?”

“You mean besides the fact that you are fucking gorgeous?” I rolled my eyes, but still huffed out a laugh. Edward rolled us so that he was on his back and my head was on his chest. “It was a million things. I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“The beginning then. What did you think when you met  me? ”

“You mean besides the fact that you were fucking gorgeous?” he said again, laughing as I smacked his chest. “I don’t know, honestly. I was drawn to you immediately; now that I look back on it, it felt like finding the other half of my soul.” I melted into him, smiling. “Then, I didn’t know that. I just  knew you were beautiful and young. Too young for me.”

“I’m like two years younger than you,” I deadpanned, rolling my eyes though I knew he couldn’t see me.

“Yeah, but five years ago you seemed even younger. You were new to the company, new to everything. Fresh out of college, only your second job in your career. You  _ felt  _ young to me.” He kissed my forehead. “I pushed it away, focusing on training you and getting you ready to tack the corporate life.

“But I always had this draw to you. I made more time for you than I did the others on the team. You needed help, I was there, while I let them sort of flounder until finally helping them.” He was silent for a moment and I didn’t interrupt. “That’s part of why I told Mike. I knew he would fire me, and I was ok with it. I needed to be fired.”

I sat up, leaning on my arm, staring into his eyes. “What?”

“I didn’t do my job well. I was distracted by you daily – it's not your fault, love, it’s mine. I was a terrible manager, and the whole team – including you! – deserved better. I failed everyone, including myself, and I deserved it.”

“Edward...” I reached over and put my hand on his cheek. “You didn’t fail. You were a great manager.”

He huffed a laugh, settling me back on his chest. “To you; not to the others. Ask them sometime how much I ignored them over you.”

I played with his chest hair idly. “That’s sort of sweet...but also sort of...”

“Disgusting? Immoral? Creepy?” he finished for me.

“Not creepy.”

He laughed, and I joined him. “Fine. The other two, but not creepy. Fair enough, love.”

He said the nickname again, and I felt my face heating up. “I really do love it when you call me that.”

“Well, then,” he said, scooting me up on top of him. I leaned over and kissed him softly, feeling him harden under me again. “I’ll just have to call you that for the rest of our lives, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really happy with how this one turned out. And how much the title song fit with what I wrote. I hope that all of you enjoyed it as well – let me know! 
> 
> Once again, we have chapter 18 and the epilogue left, and then the little story is all done. I really hope that you have enjoyed this little adventure. 
> 
> Thanks as always to my amazing beta – my BBBB – zombified419 for everything! Couldn’t do this without you! 
> 
> See you all on Wednesday!


	18. Euphoria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I can’t believe we made it to the final chapter! If you are still reading, thank you for sticking with me! I hope that you all enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> This title comes from the Jungkook song, Euphoria. While he is the youngest member of the group BTS (a South Korean boy band – if you didn’t know already!), this song was actually just him singing. They do singles now and then with just one or a couple members from the band. Anyway, this is one of my absolute favorites, and the lyrics fit just so well with the theme of this chapter. If you haven’t heard it, please give it a listen. It’s amazing. 
> 
> The embedded song in this chapter is Best Day of My Life by American Authors. I love this song, and get strangely happy when I hear it. I hope you will also. :) 
> 
> YouTube playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLinRKFxMUnvWPUltmRYhwgPzQYxlS9EpH&fbclid=IwAR1u6HSuZtaQnJ2-LDwb-3oHOqhO1G1bgj6jVd2iiCpu0H82Ar_ZWv36Pvs

Chapter 18 – Euphoria 

Bella

Well, I was just fat. There wasn’t any other way to actually put it right now. I was closing in on my due date and I was a damn whale. Edward was wonderful – sweet, actually – about it, but I just felt fat. And uncomfortable. Did I mention fat?

We had finally gotten to a better place in our lives together. I had refused to allow Edward to move into his own place, instead  offering my own. After the night that we had together when he showed up on my  doorstep, I just didn’t want to be that far away from him again. I was feeling rather needy in my condition, and well...I just wanted him next to me every night.

He didn’t really fight me. At least, not that hard.

We really had settled in together. He was able to find another job in Phoenix, and Alice had helped to ship some of his things. Eventually, though, before the baby  came, we had decided to get a bigger place. My tiny apartment just wouldn’t cut it for all three of us. It was not the fun part of being together, but eventually we’d found a small house not too far from work. He'd had a longer commute, but he didn’t complain.

The bedroom for the baby was finished; Edward and Emmett had worked together to paint it and put together all of the furniture. They had a tumultuous relationship; they got along, but Emmett threatened to chop off his balls if he hurt me again. Edward would laugh it off and tell him he would never, but Emmett had been totally serious. Rose and I had just smirked at each other.

We continued to talk every day, and now it was even easier because we were in the same place. I cooked – because,  gah , he really couldn’t! – and he cleaned, making sure that I hardly had to lift a finger to keep our new house together. We had been here for two months, but it was home already.

Each night we would sit in front of the TV watching a movie or something – introducing each other to our favorite movies – and he would put both hands on my stomach. He soothed my stomach by rubbing it, poking the baby back when he would poke first. It was adorable and it made me laugh every time.

“Bella? Are you here?” Edward called as he walked in the house. I’d gone on bed rest for the last month of my pregnancy, but he had to keep working. I'd been laying on the couch bored out of my mind just waiting for him to come home.

“In here. Where the hell else would I be?” I grumbled, still pissed that I was on bed rest.

Edward came into the living room, sliding down on his knees. He kissed my stomach and then leaned up and kissed me. “How are my favorite people in the world today?”

“Fat,” I said, grumbling again. “Hungry, and bored. In that order.”

He smirked at me. “You aren’t fat, love. You have our baby inside you. That makes you the most beautiful woman in the world.”

The anger at my situation faded and I smiled, pulling him in for another kiss. “You know, my due date is in like a week. I'm sure the doctor won’t care of we have sex.”

“Bella...” he groaned, as I stuck my tongue in his mouth. He pulled away, kissing me chastely on the mouth. “We can’t, love. You know that.”

Love. That nickname was still my favorite. And honestly, I never thought it would get old. It was habit for him now, and I couldn’t get enough of it.

I pouted. “But it’s so close. And I want you.”

He smiled at me. “I know, love, I know. And I wish we could, truly. But I want you both safe.”

He put his hands on my stomach again. “Are you sad that we never found out the sex of the baby?” I asked him, biting my lip.

“No, love. It's fine. I understand you wanted to be surprised. As long as he or she is healthy, I'm happy. And you know, if you are happy, then I'm happy.”

I pulled him close and kissed him again. “That’s a lot of happy.”

He smirked. “There’s a lot of that going around lately.”

And boy was he right. Edward had brought home food, since I couldn’t really get up and cook while resting. We ate together, chatting about his day. I really did miss working, but hadn’t had any choice when I'd started  dilating too early. 

Things at work hadn’t really gotten better, though. The bigger I'd gotten; the nicer Sue was to me. The problem was everyone else at work. I'm not sure how it got out, but pretty soon everyone knew that it was my fault Edward had been fired. There was whispering, and everyone in my entire former team refused to speak to me. I understood; especially after talking to Edward about it and realizing just how much he had unconsciously favored me. But they had been my coworkers for five years and it stung.

I did my best, though, before I'd gone out on leave. I worked every day, smiled through the painful interactions and just did my job. Sue got nicer, but no one else did. It pained Edward to see me go through this, so it spurred a hard conversation.

“I hate this, Bella. I can’t watch you go through this every day.” Edward ran his hands through his hair, clearly frustrated.

I wiped a tear away. I had just told him about a horrible interaction with Eric, who had just returned from Denver recently. Eric had been really angry with having to deal with the whole thing on his own, and he and Edward had worked together for years. “I know, Edward. I don’t know how to fix it.”

“What if you can fix it, love?” he asked, kneeling down next to me by the couch. He put his arms on my legs and my hands went to cover them quickly. “What if it will always be this hard at this company?”

“What are you saying?”

“After the baby is born, don’t go back. Stay home with them for a little bit until you are ready to go back to work. You can find a new job.”

“Is that your decision, Edward?”

His eyes grew wide at my question. “No! I’m not telling you what to do. I'm giving you a suggestion. Bella, I would never...”

“I’m sorry, Edward. You didn’t deserve that.” I leaned forward and pressed my forehead to his. “I just hate the idea of leaving my job because of this.”

He sighed, bringing his arms around me. “I just want you to come home once without crying about your day. I hate this. I want to fix it for you.”

“You can’t fix everything,” I whispered to him, tears filling my eyes.

It was two weeks later before I finally conceded that he was right. I couldn’t keep doing this. It had been a particularly bad day where I had almost been accosted in the breakroom.

“Well, if it isn’t Bella. How's everything in the new cushy job? How’s Edward?” Eric asked, walking into the breakroom with two other guys from my old department. I'd been eating lunch and reading a book when they came in.

“Hello, Eric, Tyler...Ben,” I acknowledged them, but I wasn’t going to answer their questions.

“Looking pretty big, Bella,” Tyler said, laughing a little. “This how you got Edward to leave? Getting pregnant?”

I glared at them. “You realize I work in HR now, right?”

“Come on, guys, let’s just go,” Ben said, who glanced almost apologetically at me.

“Yeah. Edward’s a smart guy; he’ll figure it out soon enough,” Eric said, loudly. He wanted to make sure I'd heard him.

I’d had to calm Edward down after that interaction; he’d been so upset about what they had said to me. It took me an hour, and agreeing to his plan to quit my job after my maternity leave was up for him to feel better. But he’d almost made me call in sick the next day. We hadn’t really fought about it – we didn’t really fight that much at all lately – but he hadn’t been happy when I'd gone anyway.

As I'd said, things were better now. Edward and I had found a sort of peace with each other once we finally learned how to talk to each other. I knew he wanted to show me how he felt, and he knew I wanted him to tell me. We worked on it together.

He rubbed my feet at night, and I told him I loved him. He would always smile and tell me he loved me, too. He was more open, explaining his fears to me like he never had before. And it was an amazingly open experience having those conversations with him. It was finally working.

And I loved him more than I thought possible.

It was when my first contraction hit that I really started to panic. We had read all the books, been to the classes, but for some reason I wasn’t quite prepared for the level of pain it brought me. It was Sunday evening and we were laying on the couch. Edward was reading, and I was channel surfing trying to find something I hadn’t wanted. My head was resting on his lap. 

Suddenly, I felt a major cramping in my stomach and I almost doubled over in pain. It was like the skin on my stomach was being stretched farther than possible and it felt like I was being ripped in half. I half screamed in pain, and Edward was on the floor looking at me immediately.

“Contraction?” he asked me, rubbing my arm. 

Tears came to my eyes and I looked up at him. “Edward, it’s too much pain. I can’t do this!”

And then everything went black.

Edward

There was simply to way to explain the terror I felt in my body when Bella slumped over the couch. Frantic, I put my finger at her pulse point – immediately relieved that she still had a heartbeat. It took about a millisecond for me to pull my phone out and call 911. If she had passed out, something had to be wrong. I wasn’t taking any chances.

As soon as the paramedics got there and wheeled her off, instructing me to follow behind them, I ran into action. I grabbed the bag that Bella had packed in preparation for labor and ran out to the car. We'd installed the car seat the week prior, so I knew I was set on that already. I was halfway out of my parking spot when I realized I had forgotten my own bag. Intending to stay with Bella, she insisted that I pack my own bag. I'd shoved a few things in a backpack, wanting to pack light, but I'd forgotten it on my way out.

Once I was on my way, I called Rose and then Alice. Both were understandably scared about Bella and the baby, so I did my best to sound like everything was going to be ok. Since I wasn’t sure of that myself, that was hard to do.

I parked at the hospital and ran in, glancing around to find someone who could help me. I located a nurse at the front desk and I ran up to her.

“I’m looking for Bella Swan? She was just brought in by ambulance,” I said, totally out of breath.

The nurse barely acknowledged me, but did turn to her computer. After a few minutes, she turned to me and said, “They took her up to labor and delivery on the third floor.”

“Was she awake when she got here?”

The nurse looked back at her computer. “It doesn’t say.”

Cursing under my breath, I ran for the elevators and waited as patiently as I could to get up to the third floor. Once there, I repeated the interaction until someone was finally able to give me more information about Bella.

“Mr. Cullen?” A tall, red-haired man in a lab coat walked into the waiting room that they had asked me to wait in. I jumped up immediately.

“Yes? Do you know how Bella is? Is she ok? She was passed out when they took her.”

“Yes, sir. She's awake now, but we need to prep her for a c-section. It appears the placenta has detached from the  uterine wall. It's not safe for her to have the baby vaginally at this time.”

I sank down into the seat. “Is she going to be ok? And the baby?”

“Come on, Mr. Cullen. Let's get you to Ms. Swan and then we can get going. You don’t want to miss the birth, right?” The doctor smiled at me, in what I was sure was supposed to be comforting. However, he hadn’t answered my questions, so I just got  aggravated at him.

I held my tongue and followed him through the hallways until we got to a room at the end of the hall. He pushed the door open, and I finally saw Bella. I almost collapsed in relief.

Rushing over to her, I put my arms around her and kissed her forehead. “It’s so great to see your eyes, love. You scared the hell out of me!”

She stared up at me, tears in her eyes. “I have to have a c-section. Exactly what I was hoping to avoid.”

“I know, love, but if it’s what they think will be safest for you and the baby, then it’s ok. We'll deal with it, right?” She nodded, tears escaping from her eyes. I turned to the doctor, keeping my arms around Bella. “When will you be taking her?”

“We really need to do this as soon as possible. The longer we wait, the more possibility of a problem. Bella was insistent that we find you before taking her to delivery. Are you ready now? I'd prefer not to wait.”

I glanced down at Bella, who still looked sort of shellshocked. I looked back at the doctor and nodded.

“Ok, nurse let’s get going. No time to waste. I’ll scrub up and see you both in there.”

The terror was growing in Bella's eyes, so I leaned down and put my hands on her cheeks. “Look at me, love. You can do this. I'm going to be there with you every step of the way unless someone kicks me  out, ok? I love you and our baby, and I'm not going anywhere. It will all be ok.”

I had to believe that. I couldn’t think of any other possibility. This woman had so quickly become the center of my world and even thinking that something could happen to her caused my throat to close up.

We didn’t have time to say anything else; nurses came in and started to wheel Bella out of the room. They instructed me to keep our bags in the room, that I couldn’t bring them with me.  So, I dropped them unceremoniously in the corner and hurried after them.

Once in the room, they put up a sheet to separate us from the surgery, and I settled near Bella’s head. I spoke to her calmly, telling her how much I loved her and the baby. I asked her to focus on the fact that we were going to see our baby soon, and that nothing else mattered.

The doctor poked his head around the sheet and said, “Ok, we are going to get started now. Bella should be nice and numb now, but if you feel anything at all let me know.”

“Is he fucking kidding?” Bella turned her head to look at me. “He’s literally doing major surgery and he wants me to let him know if I feel anything?”

“ Shhh , it’s ok, love. Just let him do his job.”

However, I couldn’t help but feel Bella was right. What a stupid thing to say.

We were silent then, just listening to the beeps from the medical equipment and the rustling of all kinds of things we couldn’t identify on the other side of the sheet. Every now and then I leaned over and kissed Bella’s forehead, just needing her to remember I was there with her through all of this.

After what felt like forever, we both heard a baby cry. Bella’s eyes shot to mine, and I saw tears forming in them. I reached over and wiped away the tear before it escaped. I did nothing to stop my own.

“Congratulations Mom and Dad; it’s a girl!”

My heart  leapt up into my throat, and I smiled wider than I think I ever had in my life. I leaned down and kissed Bella before we both started crying even harder. “We got a girl, love!”

“Give us just a minute and we’ll hand her over to you. We are just wrapping her now.” The doctor was still unseen at this point.

“Is she ok, doctor?” Bella asked, her eyes not wavering from mine.

“So far, she looks perfect.”

_ So far _ ...I was going to kill this doctor and his choice of words. We waited a few more minutes and then a nurse walked around into our view carrying the tiniest bundle of blankets I'd ever seen. She walked over to Bella, laying the bundle down on top of her, and my hand immediately went to the baby’s back to keep her steady.

And when I looked down, into the face of my child, I felt a stirring of emotion so great that I almost collapsed back into my chair. She had a thick head of copper colored hair, exactly the same color as mine. She was mine...

Overwhelmed, I leaned over and kissed Bella on the forehead, and then leaned over and did the same for our baby. I didn’t miss that Bella was just full  on crying now, and I couldn’t blame her. This roller coaster we’d been on had taken  its toll on our emotions; but we had her now. Everything was back to normal, yet absolutely different at the same time.

The nurse looked up at me. “Do you want to hold her, Dad?”

“Yes!” I choked out. She had me sit back down on the chair, and then carefully she reached over and picked up my daughter and set her down in my arms. 

Her big, brown eyes were wide open staring up at me, and I fell just a little bit further. She was perfect. I reached it and grabbed on to a little hand that had escaped the blankets. She grabbed on with a vice grip and didn’t let go.

It was some time before we were finally back in Bella’s room. They had wheeled us in after cleaning Bella and the baby up, and we were sitting comfortably on her bed – all three of us – when Rose and Emmett walked in.

“Hey, care to have some visitors?” Rose asked, peaking in the room. Emmett pushed the door open and just walked in, not waiting for a reply. “Emmett! What if they weren’t decent or something?”

I smiled up at them, only briefly taking my eyes away from my daughter. “It’s fine, come on in. We have someone we want you to meet. Bella?”

Bella looked up at Rose, turning our daughter a little so that Rose could see her. “Rose, Emmett, this is Abigail Rose Cullen.”

Rose was a formidable woman; and honestly, there had been times when she’d scared the shit out of me. But never, not once since I'd met her, had she looked like she was about to break down into tears. She took a couple of hesitant steps before finally looking down at the baby.

“Abigail Rose,” she cooed, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “She’s beautiful, guys.” Her eyes met Bella’s, and she whispered, “Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, if you are shocked silent then my work here is done,” Bella teased, settling Abi down on her chest again.

Rose chuckled lightly as Emmett came up behind her. “I’ll have more to say later, I'm sure. Right  now, all I can see is a beautiful and perfect baby.”

“Who has an aunt that’s going to spoil her rotten,” I offered, putting my hand lightly on Abi’s chest.

“And an uncle,” Emmett said, putting his arm around Rose.

Bella’s head jerked up and looked at them. “Did he finally ask you?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “No, fuck that-”

“Rose, language!” Emmett chided, laughing.

“She’s a baby! She can’t understand me anyway!”

“Rosie...”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Fine, whatever. Anyway, no, I asked him. I got tired of waiting.”

I laughed, looking up at the two of them. “Did you get a ring, Emmett? I want to see your ring!” Rose held out her hand, and I shook my head. “No, if you proposed, then you got a ring for  Emmett, right? I  wanna see it!”

Rose laughed, but Emmett went slightly pink. He held up his hand and there was a very thin banded ring on his hand. “It’s beautiful, Emmett. What a wonderful fiancé you have to pick out something that  pretty for your hand.” Bella and I both laughed.

Rose and Emmett stayed for a little bit, but soon Bella started to fade. They both said their goodbyes, and I took Abi so that Bella could sleep. While cradling her in my arms, I looked down and I swear my entire world shifted. No longer was I just here on this earth with no purpose. My life and the love in my heart was now all shifted around this one tiny person.

There was a certain euphoric quality to the emotions that were still bubbling up inside me. I leaned down, closer to my daughter’s head, and I whispered, “I love you, Abi Rose Cullen. I’m so happy to finally meet you.”

Bella

One Month Later

I was getting into the groove. Sort of. I was tired, still fairly sore from the surgery, and my house was a mess. Other than that, I totally had this mother thing down. Edward was my saving grace for everything. The second he came home he was running around trying to get me  whatever I wanted, even if it was just  a quick nap. While he’d always told me that he would show me his feelings, it never truly clicked until I realized just how selfless he was.

He would come home from a full day at work to cook dinner, hold Abi so I could shower, get me whatever I needed – I was still unable to move around as much as before – and straighten up the house. Some days he didn’t come to bed until late, but my house was always clean when I got up in the morning.

I felt guilty that I wasn’t doing more, but he never complained. And he never stopped. I told him over and over how much I appreciate what he was doing for us, but he would just shrug and kiss me.

“I love you both, and you both need some help right now. That's what I'm here for, love.”

My heart melted, and now and then I would just burst into tears. He never said anything, just put his arms around me and held me instead. My hormones were still sort of all over the place, so I let him. We would curl up on the couch, the three of us, just enjoying the silence. I would nurse Abi and he would sit right next to me, with his arm around my shoulders, and his other hand on her head or cheek. 

It was bliss. That was my new world. Everything revolved around Abi, which was fine for now. But when I looked up at Edward, my eyes would always swim. My feelings for him had only gotten stronger with everything we’d been through. I was grateful for him every day. 

One day, when I was finally feeling like I could get up and move around a little easier, I decided to put on music. Abi Rose had been a little grumpy, so she was murmuring and half fussing in her bassinet as I tried to put away the clean laundry. I threw on my “happy” playlist, not too loud, and started to listen. That's how I found out that my daughter was as attuned to music as I was. Once the music started coming out, she settled down and fell asleep almost immediately.

I stared down at her, watching her sleep for a moment before I just smiled. She was my daughter all right. I quickly took a picture of her, sending a text to Edward asking him to buy something to play music for her while she slept. We had read that it could help her night fussing, but hadn’t tried it yet.

I sat back in the chair that Edward’s parents had bought us for her room, and just started down at her. The music cycled through my playlist, but when Best Day of My Life by American Authors came on, my grin got even bigger. I sang along with the song, feeling the lyrics so much at that moment, as my daughter slept  peacefully . 

The impact of the music in her room was powerful. She slept longer, fussed less, and we all got a lot more sleep. After just one week, Edward declared me a genius. I waved it off, but secretly I was happy that I'd had that idea to begin with.  Of course, she would be calmed by music. What did I do all the time? She was probably so used to hearing it while she was inside me that without music, her life felt off maybe?

Things were easier after that. I put Abi Rose to bed and crawled in with Edward. He opened his arms to me every night, and I would collapse into them, just enjoying the warmth and comfort he always brought me.

“I love you so much, Bella. I can’t imagine a life that is more perfect than ours.”

And I loved him now even more than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that’s all folks! Well, except for the epilogue – which will be posted later this week. I really enjoyed diving into all kinds of music with this fic, branching out into genres I didn’t normally listen to, or finding songs by scanning through Spotify. It was an adventure for me, truly. I hope everyone enjoyed it with me, and got some new music out of it! 
> 
> I have to give the biggest thanks in the world to my amazing beta, zombified419. Thank you for sticking with me also, and helping me to make sure this fic was as good as we could get it. Love you to death! 
> 
> Once again, thank you to everyone for reading. Epilogue is coming later this week, and I'll be marking this story done. I appreciate you all coming with me for the ride :)

**Author's Note:**

> Now that you have a taste of the story, I hope that you come back for more. Looking at double digit chapters (up to 15 already, so we’ll see where we end up). I may end up changing the overall count later, but I have a specific theme I’m working on here. 
> 
> What did you all think? Willing to come back next week to see how our couple does day after? 
> 
> Thank you so much to my beautiful beta zombiefied419 for the help with this. Not only making sure my grammar rocks, but also helping with the songs for the chapters. If any of you are interested in a KICK ASS Star Wars story, she is currently writing one on A03 called “Naberrie Blooms.” It’s my first time being HER beta, so go easy on me. But seriously, I’m addicted to this story, and I hope you all check it out.


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